A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging?Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked. "Well,"said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling,"said the bartender.

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A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you but don't try to start anything."
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A pirate comes walking into a bar with a steering wheel stuffed down his pants.
Now the bartender had seen just about everything in his day, or so he thought, but this was new, so he couldn't resist,
"Excuse me mister pirate sir, why do you have a steering wheel stuffed down the front of your pants??"
To which he replied,
"ARRRGGGG! It's drivin' me nuts!!"

The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham