"I was playing golf when the ball went into the woods. Just as I was preparing to chip it back on to the green in 3 strokes or so, a frog appeared and said,
'Use your driver.'
I thought it was terrible advice, but I had never seen nor heard a talking frog before. So I tried my driver. In one swing my ball was back on the green. I couldn't believe my eyes. So I picked up the frog and took it with me. To make a long story short, the frog gave me advice on every hole, and I played the best game of golf I ever had played. I took the frog home with me, and from that day forward I began making money playing golf by bringing the frog along every time I played."

"One day it occurred to me that if the frog was that good, I should bring it to Las Vegas with me. After I arrived in Las Vegas we went straight to the roulette table. The frog said,
'Put all your money on red.'
I put all my money on red, and guess what? It came up red. I continued to follow al the frog's advice and in an hour I amassed a fortune. The frog said,
'It's time to stop.'
We went up to the hotel room."

"After we arrived in the room the frog said,
'I'm not really a frog. I am a princess. Years ago a witch placed a curse on me and turned me into a frog. The conditions of the curse have now been fulfilled, and if you kiss me, I will turn into my true form, a princess.'
I kissed the frog and it turned into a beautiful 15 year old girl. And I swear to you, Your Honor, that's how she got into my hotel room!"

The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham