Larian Studios Forums Baldur's Gate III Baldur's Gate III - General Posted Steam Review

Terrible game. Seriously... feels like they bought the name "Baldur's Gate" at an online auction, hired a 14 year old named Bobby and gave it to him as a Christmas present. Yes... I know it is an "alpha" project but doesn't matter - every drop of this game is "BLAMMO!" and "WOWIE!" and "ZINGER!" and "BOOM, POW, WHAM!", like watching some gradeschooler swing at a pinata.

"Mommy! Look at what I can do...!"

"Good job, Kevin... now, go do your homework."

And being out of alpha status won't help it, not a bit - this game is crap, start to finish. There is not a Single aspect of this game that would Ever lead Anyone to think it had Anything to do with "Baldur's Gate" - nothing. It could be called "Darkstorm" or "Shadows of Eternity" and no one would make Any connection to "Baldur's Gate", whatsoever. Hell, it's Barely D&D.
I mean it. Barely. Basically, it's "Divinity Original Sin but screwed up in a weird mash..." by - kinda - changing the names of spells and items into "D&D" names. I cannot think of a single moment of this game where I did not think, "Wow... you bastards... you ripped me off and didn't even give me a reacharound...".
Character development? Think again - you're FORCED into a party of people that all have the personality of either Charles Manson or Jello, complete with weird 14 year old auto-erotic wet dreams. This "game" has severe mental illness written all over it... Bobby needs professional help.
And, I'm telling you, he's not going to get it.
Every single action a character takes -
Every
Single
One
is an EXPLOSION of "HEY, THIS GRAPHIC IS KEWL, BRUH!!!" insanity.
Want to dash? Run faster across the room?
KEWL!!!! LOOK AT THIS!!!! EFFECTS AND KEWL AND KEWL, BRUH!!!

Bobby.

You shoot an arrow
just a common arrow (not the "Wowie Zowie" arrows that Every random goblin has...)
and, when it hits...

(you guessed it)

WOW, BOBBY, THAT WAS KEWL!!! DID YOU SEE THAT?!!!

Bleh.
Everything in this "game" is the "Biggest Thing You've Ever Seen", no matter how trivial. Feels like I'm watching a seven year old do a magic trick. Multiple level of height in combat... sounds fun. Isn't. Camera control is positively abusive, you'll want to get a restraining order against it after the second date. Want to cast a heal or a guidance spell on a party member? Nope, sorry! They all start running around (not making this - any of this - up) in some weird as hell hoedown dosie-doe square dance routine from "Petticoat Junction" in the 1960's... it's just Painful to experience.
Now... it's your money but, I'm telling you, you're Going to regret it. If they paid me money to play this, I would quit and get a job at 7/11 - it is a horror show of "I wish I hadn't...". And, the forums are even WORSE - FILLED with trolls and abusive "moderators"... it's like watching the goblins in game attack and swarm with the moderators acting as some low-level "boss monster".
Gleh...
Bleh...
Oh, dear god, no...

So, abuse yourself with this game (like the priest in the game that enjoys S&M... kid you not - Bobby, GET HELP), if you like. I warned you, I told you not to, no one can say I didn't try. But this is a 14 year old's sexual perversion fantasy come true, complete with POWIE WOWIE, KEVIN, COME LOOK!!! frenetic spasm non-stop. If you like non-stop frustration, insanity and mental disorder, this is the game for you. If you like ANYTHING else...

...run like Hell.

To be perfectly honest, this game feels like psychological pedophilia... like the weird guy at the bus stop that walks up to some kid and says, "Do you like anime...?"