There are very few flirting/hinting at romance dialogue options before that night, so it comes as a shock and ruins immersion/the relationships you thought you were building with the companions
Really? "get some sleep . . . and try not to dream of tying me up?" "dahrling I thought you would never ask" "unless you'd like another nibble?" "I've been watching you and I like what I see" . . .
I'll give you astarion, because it's very obvious he's a flirty sexual being. It matches with his character that he'd offer to sleep with you. His advances make sense.
But the other characters? There are still few lines. (Are there more than 1 or 2 SH lines than you quoted? What about Gale? Wyll? Lae'zel?)
And *importantly, you can't say you're uninterested in response to these (rare) flirty lines. No matter how you respond to the above ^ lines, I'm pretty sure if approval is high enough, the NPC remains interested in you. So what happens is: the relationships go from mostly platonic (again, slightly less so for astarion) to bam everyone is jumping your bones during the same night. And as others have said, get jealous if you decide to sleep with others. It subverts any friendships you're trying to roleplay building.
Shadowheart and Gale do NOT come on to the player unless you have already selected romance options. I suspect that which options are considered friendly or romantic is part of the confusion (and why some games now include Heart tags so the player doesn't accidently initiate romance). 'ninjamanced' has been a thing in games for years. And Wyll doesn't romance at all yet.
Aside from being contrary to KillerRabbit's quotes, you say that Wyll doesn't romance at all. However, others in this thread say that Wyll gets jealous that the player chooses to sleep with other companions. I'd argue that these two scenarios are one and the same; all the companions are interested in the player, and reveal their interest (through jealousy or "you want some fuck?") in the same night which makes it surprising, overwhelming, and disconcerting.
Either/and:
-all the companions should approach the player in different nights, as soon as their approval reaches some point
-there should be flags set earlier, where the companions are more overtly flirty and you can deny their interest
-the player initiates romance, and after the player flirts enough the npc starts flirting back
The problem is not any individual character. Each NPC can individually be interested in the player, fine. The problem is that all of them are. At exactly the same time.
