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Day 14 – R&R (&K for killing)

I’d had enough of these stupid mountains, nothing to see up here, nothing to do, never did find that bounty, so we decided to call it quits and head back to Nashkel – thought we would check out the circus again since technically we’re both having some time off. More fool us.

Wandering into a tent that clearly said merchant and what happens, some idiot saying he’s going to kill some witch or whatever if I don’t do what he says. I told him he no one talks to me like that (I mean did me and Im not just singlehandedly solve the whole fricking iron crisis?! – bad bitch Arwen is here2stay), he kinda flipped out, people here are so mardy, he killed the witch and then we killed him. Another blind wizard hehe. They should call me Arwen the magehunter because im the best there is. With both of them dead we did the only sensible thing: filled our bags with their shit.


seriously?!

But now it was finally put some of our gold to good use. I bought a shield-amulet for Imoen. She’s been hella jelly when she sees me cast my shield spell so when I saw there was like an amulet that would let a noob (sorry Im) cast the spell I bought it then and there. The other one was super expensive but it would, no joke, allow me to cast this fuckoff massive mega-fireball. It has “shit-wrecker” written all over it. I’ll save it for the important fights but still, it is FUCKING AMAZING.

After an afternoon spent relaxing at the fair we made our way back into Nashkel proper for a good night sleep. I’ll admit I had got a bit lax and so I totally wasn’t expecting a damn assassin to be waiting outside the inn. Musta heard about the mine. Utter shitheel. We had to waste him (obviously) but he was better than all the others so far, like, super dangerous. I was worried about Imoen but she’s really managed to improve with that bow of hers. I got’s to get her a better one.

Ok ok, you’re wondering how I actually killed this assassin. He had all these spells I’d never seen before – one that deflected spells, one that turned his skin as tough as stone. Well. As soon as we saw that he could deflect spells me and Imoen just upped and ran, like cowards, that is until we were out of the town then I used my newly purchased amulet of mega-fireball-death to just blow this dude up. One hit kill. It was everything I hoped it would be and more – absolutely savage.


S A V A G E

He had a letter on him (fortunately not burned by the fireball), and, ok, so here we have it, it’s the same Tazok who was writing to the priest in the Nashkel mines. I’m starting to think that the mine sabotage, Gorion’s death and the bounty on my head are all connected. But get this, they describe me and Imoen as a “group of mercenaries” haha there’s only 2 of us with an average age of like eighteen, and I like this bit “very dangerous” haha, it makes me sound like a badass (imoen too, no shade).


the thot plickens

He was obviously a good assassin because he had these absolutely savage magic boots which should allow the wearer to dodge arrows super well – I gave them to Imoen since I’m worried that she will get hurt, plus I already have this great belt that kind of does the same. He also had a magic short sword which I gave to Imoen too.

I’ve saved the best ‘til last though since he had this scroll, which if I’m reading it right will allow me to summon a familiar, a dust mephit to be precise. Every wizard, and I mean EVERY wizard needs a familiar.


now at last I will be a REAL wizard

I can’t wait to try it out in the morning.

Arwen's getting pretty hardcore.

I played the bhaalspawns team (PC+Imoen + Sarevok in ToB) many times and I really enjoyed it. Happy gaming to you.
Just want to say that I used to be cautious about the xp level before triggering ch.4 because you can get at least two versions of Imoen. The 400K and the 1.2M iirc. Perhaps things have changed in the latest engine version of EE, more exactly post dragonspear release but I doubt it. BG2 and its related tooling are not installed on my computer at the moment. I can't tell you the details but, as an experienced and active player, you may know it by heart.
Such a difference means nothing in the mid/long term, especially in your setting. However, in the very short term, I think that playing with a too noticeable discrepancy between characters is less enjoyable (but perhaps it's just me).
On second thought, with two spellcasters, you probably planned to boost Imoen with a rich collection of scrolls, anyway.

Day 15 – This feels… familiar

Yay, the familiar is everything I ever wanted and more, its this little mephit that flaps around and does what I tell it to – its super cute. I’ve decided to call it Dante. Imoen thinks its ugly and creepy but what does she know. And it can cast some magic too, mephit magic, and its claws are actually quite sharp (Imoen was NOT happy, she hit Dante back and I had to stop an actual fight. Fortunately, Dante’s wounds closed super quick: he can regenerate)


familiar spirits

There wasn’t much else to do today – we messed around with Dante, testing him to see how strong he was, all sorts of wizard things. He has actually made me feel more healthy, like I can weather more injuries – that’s that magic of a mage-familiar bond.

We heard rumours of a Xvart village to the west that was giving Nashkel some trouble, as well as a fortress that was occupied by Gnolls, and needing something to do while we hid out from the assassins, me, Imoen and Dante are heading out west in search of even more magical items and gold.

Day ??? – The Temptation in the wilderness.

The past few days went in quite a blur, me and Im have been out in the wilderness, I didn’t really feel like updating my diary constantly 'cos like no table or desk right so I’m sat back in the jovial juggler in Beregost summing up the past two weeks-ish. Forgive me if my memory is not as good a it should be.

We went due west of Nashkel. First we hit up the Xvart village, I wasn’t actually looking for a fight, but they were, so we ended up fighting after all, including their pet bear. Everyone out here in the wilderness just wants to fight, or take you for a fool. There is hardly a friendly person between here and Beregost. We filled our packs with gear.


note: add bear pun later

Dante is proving to be very useful in running interference, hopping around, getting things to chase him so Imoen can get to work with her bow and I can let off some spells. He’s fragile but I can cast aid on him to increase his resilience and another divine piece of awesomeness which turns his skin as tough as bark - plus he regenerates so theres no need to babysit him. Hopefully I’ll be able to learn a spell to turn him invisible too – I like having my own little minion to order around: he does the scouting while me and imoen kick back and do some sunbathing (lie: it rains constantly, more likely we are just lazy and hiding under a tree while Dante gets wet)


a rare moment of sun

Bounty Hunter Redux

We finally found Oublek’s other bounty, the Nashkel captain who had gone berserk. He was asking us to lead him back to Nashkel so he could get some help or something. I was about ready to hit him with a divine hold spell but then I thought, holy crap Arwen we are literally miles and mile and MILES away from Nashkel, this dude looks like he weighs a mega-ton and we’d need the body to claim the bounty. Lets just walk back with him, then if it doesn’t work we can just kill him but this time right near Nashkel. Arwen you are a big brain genius.

So that is exactly what we did, and for practically nothing the dude in the temple paid us one THOUSAND gold pieces. Hoooooly crap my prayers are answered. Sometimes the big brain plays work out for the best. The only issue was that I felt physically sick trying to set foot in the temple of Helm, but I sent Imoen to do what I could not. No problemo.

Turns out the issue was that the captain had picked up a cursed sword which drives anyone who uses it into an insane killing rage. Now, I did tell that to the merchant in the shop so I don’t think I can be held responsible for whatever happens next.

Afterwards we headed back out west, there were still things to see, and we’d heard more rumours about that Gnoll fortress or stronghold on the coast. I was feeling the need to test my new power. It practically begged for an outlet.


butchery of gnolls

We killed gnolls, we killed flinds, we killed talosi, we killed ogres, we killed hobgoblins, we killed kobolds, we killed wolves and bears and dogs, we kill humans, we killed and killed and killed, painting the sword coast red with blood. Death walked in our shadow. We killed until I thought we could kill nothing more, and then we carried on killing. And truth be told I enjoyed it. It scares me, but I enjoy it.

The grave-robbers“Archaeological Dig”

It was late on I think the 18th day since Gorion was killed when we stumbled into an excavation out in the middle of nowhere. They looked at us suspiciously, two young women armed to the teeth, one with a mephit fluttering around her. But Imoen’s easy charm got someone who I will refer to as idiot #1 to hire us to protect them. Haha. It was obvious that they were grave-robbers, but that didn’t bother us one bit. The thought of treasure though, that had my eyes lit up. Obviously we don’t work for free on principle so Imoen wheedled 100Gs out of them before we even started – people are so gullible when you know how.


idiot #1

And that was before someone else (who I will now call idiot #2) approached us with the offer to take over this little excavation so that he could keep the treasure himself, he offered a hefty 900Gs. Of course that’s what we were already going to do, but I didn’t tell idiot numero 2 that. Too smart by half. Of course, we said yes. But what really got me was just how damn rude idiot #2 was. There is a serious lack of manners around here. I managed to contain the red mist for long enough to follow idiot #1 into the tomb.

Obviously, like it always happens in the books: breach an ancient tomb and the curse’ll getcha. All the diggers went stark mad when they opened the last seal, tried to wack me and Im with their shovels, obvs we wacked ‘em back. You ever seen a fireball go off in an enclosed space? Well, I hadn’t either – wow. Absolute disgusting mess of bbq’d diggers.




indoor fireball, yikes

We told idiot #1 that idiot #2 had tried to hire us to kill him. He was pretty thankful for the warning and ran away asap but I didn’t care since I was at that point hefting this clearly cursed and even more clearly valuable idol and waving it at Imoen who gave me a thumbs up.

Fucking nightmare does not even begin to cover the next part – some revenant shows up wanting the idol – I tell it to beat it, idiot #2 gets cursed same as the diggers and attacks, a host of talosi run up, the full worlds. Holy SHIT this revenant guy was tough. It was time to break out the nuclear option, I had this wand see, I’d been keeping it secret hence why I didn’t write it down in my diary obviously! Its this wand of frost, fires a beam of ice at anything, uber powerful – it still took NINE blasts with it, plus a fireball for good measure to kill this thing. Poor wand only has one charge left but at least me, Im and dante are still alive. Idiot #2 didn’t even have the 900Gs he promised us on him. Imoen got really mad about that, super pissy.




I HATE undead things. DISGUSTING.

That fight really took it out of us, so we camped for the night then continued west, looking for this stupid gnoll fortress – I was seriously wanting to turn round but we had actually reached the coast so it was just a matter of turning south, I reasoned. I’m going to take a break from writing to join Imoen in the common room now.

Fortune Teller, Lighthouse and Pirate Cave


mood

Right, I’ve left Imoen in the common room, everyone loves us here now (more on that later) and so they’re all buying her drinks but I needed some time out, clear my head. It has become increasingly obvious that there is something very wrong with me. As we traveled south along the coast we met a fortune teller near a lighthouse who offered to read my palm. What she saw was enough to make her attack us. I’m preeeeety sure fortune tellers are not in the business of attacking their clients. She was terrified. What the hell is going on. I hope that pursuing the source of the iron crisis might actually like, shed some light on all this. Starting to get really stressed out by the whole thing.


I don’t know what to make of this. It’s just like the Gnome before.


And just like with the gnome it ended in death.

Now, back when we were in Nashkel, we’d heard rumors of an ancient pirate cave where supposedly a whole lot of treasure was buried. While we were up on the cliffs we could see this cave which looked pretty promising, only problem was there were all these sirenes hanging around the beach, I remembered them from some of the books in candlekeep about monsters and the like and these ladies were not for messing with, no way, powerful enchantment magics, enrapture you just by thinking about it. So I was about to give up on the cave when Imoen suggested that she sneak in. We had some potions of invisibility from various places and what do you know, Imoen drank one and poof! As invisible as air. She snuck into the cave, which was filled with traps and guardians and looted the pirates treasure!!!


“why fight when you can steal?” - Imoen

Yeah that’s right it was the right place. She even grabbed this absolutely massive MASSIVE book, the thing ways almost as much as I do. Its so heavy she had to leave her armour behind in the cave! Plus a load of other things which I need to spend some time identifying but theres a lot of magical gear here, plus potions the whole lot. We’re even more richer! Fuck yeah. We ran right quick because the sirenes seemed to twig that there was someone slinking around.

So we went south even more, looking for the Gnoll stronghold and stopped to camp besides a river. I spent time identifying our loot: A wand that can paralyse, some absolutely deadly looking poisoning darts, a cloak that can turn you into a wolf and the book was a magical tome that could increase my constitution PERMANENTLY.


The sword coast is no joke, time to toughen up.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m as tough as bricks while still remaining sweet as sin. The only problem now is Imoen has no armor at all – lucky I’ve got that barkskin spell for if things go really wrong.

The Gibberling Hordes

But by far the strangest encounter out in the wilderness was a lone “adventurer,” of some sort. She told us she was out here hunting gibberlings and while she was "quite capable of dealing with them herself" I would be "better with more blades." I immediately sussed that something was up since a few moments after she said that a macro-horde of gibberlings crests the ridge. This was not casual gibberling hunting this was knee deep in gibberlings, perhaps even drowning in gibberlings.


the swarm approaches


forced to let off a fireball from my super-dooper amulet


hundreds of gibberlings caught in an ickly sticky web


final victory

Um, so, whoops but the “adventurer” was completely overwhelmed by the horde, they swarmed over her and tore her apart. Yeah, big whoops. We looked across the killing field and the piles of dead bodies, but neither me nor Im really had anything to say to each other, her eyes were practically glowing with enjoyment.

Gnoll Stronghold

By this point we’d been out for days – but at last we FINALLY found the Gnoll stronghold. By this point we’d done so much killing that Imoen had almost run out of arrows – we'd brought enough to kill an army, and that’s what we have done. Wow. And thats without forgetting that she had left he armor in the pirates cave. Kinda messed up and also sweet that she would risk injury just to bring back a 25lb book for me to read.

Obviously, because we are now basasses we do not walk for 44 fricking hours to get back to Nashkel to buy 12Gs worth of arrows and a new suit of armour for Imoen, lmao don’t be stupid (who am I talking to, like, the diary?). We conquer this whole stronghold with the tools we have!

The first thing that threw us off our game is that two ogres or whatever they were tried to charge us money to cross a bridge, like wtf, this place is so in the middle of nowhere you should be paying US as thank you for coming all the way out here, like seriously a toll in back-arse of beyond, are you fucking morons?! (They didn’t like that one bit so obviously it was a fight, on a bridge, just like in the books!)


Couple of morons who tried to stop us


and they paid a pretty high price for it imo

After bumping off the ogres we took it careful, and took it clever, clearing out the area around the fortress first. The fortress itself is huge, sitting on the coast, and round it were all these caves. I was looking for super-secret way into the foretress so we wouldn’t have to go in the main door but no luck, just tons and tons of xvarts. Aaaaaaand, another huge magic book, I had a good feeling about this one.


almost feel bad for them (I don’t)


Turns out you can blind a carrion crawler, despite their lack of eyes – woah

After clearing out the caves we holed wholedholed up in the most comfortable looking one overnight (it was not comfortable at all) and I used the time to identify this second mega-book we had found – it was similar to the last one but looked much more slick. Turns out it was a magical book that could raise my charisma. Yes! I always wanted to be more charismatic, sometimes it sucks to be a gnome (boo hoo) so I got to reading while Imoen scouted out the Gnoll fortress. It was interesting to read but I guess there is only so much a book can do since I am still nowhere near as pretty as Imoen, dumb book.


!!!

When she got back we had our plan of attack – sneak in the front door and kill all the gnolls… not much of a plan I know. With Imoen out of arrows it was going to be touch and go, but she had her shortsword and Dante had his claws so no problem I thought. I mean they’re just gnolls.


And yeah, they weren’t actually that impressive – divine gifts and all that saw us through, plus Dante.


Fighting on the bridge


Showdown with the Gnoll Chieftain


Our foe vanquished.

We took what we could and left the stupid fort, now filled with dead gnolls – no one had any good loot and overall me and Im decided it was a waste of time, except for the magic book in the cave. I’m a bit sour about the whole thing tbh. Going to leave off there and go see what Imoen is up to downstairs, I can hear all this shouting, sounds like a real party.

Day 30 – The dreams return

Out in the wilderness, on the 30th day since Gorion was killed, I had another dream. They had been few and far between since Imoen and I had gone west but this one was clear to me on waking. She said I was on the right path, and I was ready – baptised in the blood of the wilderness, it was time for me and Im to pick up the case again – Gorion’s killer was waiting for me. We were rich, we were strong, we had proved ourselves and our names were becoming known across the sword coast. Now, finally, we would be wrathful. I woke up and told Im that it was time. We walked the long journey back to Beregost with murder on our minds.

It didn’t help that on the way back we ran into these absolute ASSHOLES, In a world of shit I just can’t fucking stand rudeness, and these people were the WORST! I shit you not she called me a “Northern barbarian”. I mean COME ON do I look like a barbarian?!?!? I’m a fricking gnome in a wizard robe and if that wasn’t enough there’s a FUCKING FAMILIAR flapping around me. JFC are you fucking blind?! Phew, sorry, must remember to edit this later.


no one talks to me like that. NO ONE

I can’t think of anyone else I’ve met so far that deserved what she got as much as this basic MFer. And I guess the ultimate humiliation was getting paralysed by my divine gifts then being slashed to pieces by a familiar, while my sister fills the rest of your loser crew with arrows. Dante was pretty stoked about that one ngl.


How to keep your mephit familiar happy

Once we were near Beregost our first stop was High Hedge, the wizard tower – I was now a wealthy and powerful wizard but I needed spells. Lots more spells. I needed ALL the spells. I stocked up, and I could see Imoen looking pretty jelly like – she always liked magic but never wanted to sit down and apply herself – maybe she’ll pick it up at some point, magic owns.

In the end pretty much all utility spells: one to raise my charisma, one to raise my strength (fed up of struggling home with loot like a soggy noodle) Some illusion magic so I could do what that first assassin way back when could do – whats better than Arwen? Lots of Arwens! And a spell so I could make things invisible – what’s better than Dante? Invisible Dante! And that potion case I’d been eyeing up – wow its magic, all the potions put inside are effortlessly weightless, why the HELL did I not buy this earlier!

Then it was back into Beregost proper, it felt like an absolutely aaaaages since we were here. People look at us differently than before – they can see the value of our equipment and how dangerous we look. Two dangerous women and a little flapping familiar means don’t fuck with us. I could see people whispering when we walked past, people pointed us out in the square, I head mention of Nashkel.

There was one unfortunate thing, this man ran up to us in the square and pointed at a necklace I was wearing saying it belonged to his daughter who was missing. I had to think fast – yeah, the family ambushed by hobgoblins in the nashkel pass – so I pulled it off and told the tale of woe to the gathering crowd, how I had slain the hobgoblins but alas the family were already dead and I had taken the necklace to return it to its rightful owner. He was like, so grateful it was embarrassing. People actually, like literally, clapped and cheered. Of course I had to hand over the necklace, ouch, but Arwen’s quick thinking saves the day.

Second stop: sleeping, it was a long walk here. While we were deciding on a tavern/inn to patronage some little girl ambushed us to tell us that someone called Vai in the Jovial Juggler was looking for us. Child labour is apparently well established on the sword coast.

Sure, so whatever, we go to the Jovial Juggler. Turns out everyone in Beregost knows our names – Me and Imoen fricking solved the whole Iron crisis – apparently while we were out in the wilderness its been spreading like wildfire across the sword coast. We’re actual heroes. So much for fricking laying low until all this blows over! I’m starting to realise that being famous, rich and powerful is going to be tough, but that is a burden I am willing to bear, in exchange for being rich, famous and powerful. All the Inns now want a piece of us, “heroes” that we are, even the Red Sheaf was begging us to drink there, despite the mess we made last time – that’s what you get for being famous: forgiveness for broken bar furniture. But we stuck with the plan to go to the Juggler.

Then, I shit you not as we’re just trying to get to the damn jovial juggler, that ancient man we met on our flight to the Friendly Arm inn ambushes us straight after the little girl. He dropped a hint that he knew Gorion – but it was mixed in with a load of cryptic bullshit – out of my way old man I have sleeping to do.


You know nothing of my burdens, old man

So we went to crash in the Jovial Juggler, might as well kill two birds with one stone, and this Vai the girl told us about comes right up and asks for our help. Turns out she’s OFFICER Vai, yeah, a flaming flaming fist – the literal COPS are asking for my help. Do your fucking jobs jeeeez! Obviously I am a smart genius who knows how to handle this so instead of getting angry I bought her a box of doughnuts and laid it on so thick I cannot believe she didn’t realise. Imoen kept snorting into her mug of beer but Vai didn’t notice that either. This must be some sort of comedy of errors or whatever. “Milk ‘em” I could see imoen mouthing at me from behind Vai.


woop woop it’s the sound of the police

Anyway, she said beregost had been cut off from Balder’s Gate to the north by a plague of banditry that seemed to have come from nowhere, the Flaming Fists were overwhelmed so she was authorised to pay 50Gs for every bandit scalp she was brought. I did a MASSIVE double take there… did I, like, hear that right… Scalps? Like the skin and hair cut off the skull? FUCKING DISGUSTING. This woman was sick, but… she was also paying 50Gs per scalp. So… ok, let me think this through in writing, like idk, firstly: what is to stop someone just like scaping some randomers and claiming they are bandits? 50G is big money to most people. Secondly, are you fucking serious?!?! Like wow, rename them the Fucked-up Fists amirite. Imoen was miming being sick at this point. I just said yeah, sure, whatever, scalp some bandits, i hear you.


WTF, seriously?

So that’s my diary all caught up to date – I’m gonna resume daily updates now we are back to sleeping in inns and not in a horrible tent, and I have access to a writing desk again, thank fuck. Imoen FINALLY left the common room and is now passed out drunk haha. Time to sleep, it was a long journey here.

Meta-update: Did everything west of Nashkel pretty much, skipped some worthless fights though like the sirenes and I highly doubt I will return since it doesnt really fit the theme to go traipsing back-halfway across the world to fight something. Turns out that trying to play BG1 "realistically" with no early meta-game grinding, bearing in mind travel time, and trying to keep a realistic time scale (the day numbers from the diary are accurate) makes the whole thing RP-cool and also quite tricky; what with SCS-insane and duo-only. Running out of arrows is actually a big deal, rather than a quick fast travel to store then back to map, and I try and do as little resting as possible to keep the day number down. Really enjoying this run.

Day 31 – To Do: Look after Imoen

Its on my to do list (see day 12) to look after Imoen, and what better way to look after your little sister than to spend a small dragons hoard of gold on her? So that’s what I did, I spent all my gold on Imoen. That’s right, don’t let anyone say I don’t love my sister.

Paid a visit to the Beregost smithy, best smithy outside of Baldur’s Gate apparently (hopefully not just marketing) First things first: since she gave up her armour for me, the best, and I mean the best studded leather armour money can buy for Imoen – this shit looks fierce af. Imoen looks like a deadly assassin when shes wearing it, which is pretty apt since actually she is.


killer armor

Second I got her a new knife – this thing is LETHAL, generates super potent magic poison, just don’t cut yourself on it. Apparently both the armor and the dagger come from Amn, down south. If this is the sort of thing they have down there then me and Im have to visit on a shopping trip. At least once I rebuild our now sadly depleted cashmoney.


killer knife

Also, just to round it out a masterwork Shortbow for her – so she can fill things full of arrows even better. I didn’t get anything for me, apart from the extra spells – Imoen deserves it more.


killer look

So all kitted out and looking like a pair of deadly killers, we went to find this “contact,” Tranzig, see if he was still at Feldpost’s Inn – the letter implied that he was a long term plant so we were pretty hopeful, and rightly so. We staked out the inn, seeing Tranzig moving up and down to the common room and back – Imoen had a quick look at his room but it was magically trapped. This guy was a mage and not a two-bit hedge wizard but a powerful spell user. Our usual blind routine was not gonna work on this one, he’d just shrug it off – me and Im had to come up with a super secret magekiller strategy. And we did.


DO NOT SHARE super secret mage slayer strategy

Once I had proved that I could shoot so much fire from my fingertips that he had no chance to survive he spilled the whole op. Victory for Arwen!, unfortunately (for him) we couldn’t let him run back to his goony buddies and tell him that I had hot him to tell us everything so I finished the job – one barbequed mage.


Gross smell of burning mage not pictured

Of course, Imoen wasn’t like, just sitting by and watching, having been stealing this nifty and also cool magical cloak from someone in the inn. Need to spend some time working out what it is but it looks real stylish.

Tranzig had a letter from Tazok dated a week ago wondering why the cleric who was poisoning all the iron has not bean in touch and instructing him to go there to investigate. Seems like this wizard was not just an intermediary – didn’t feel bad at all about killing him, plus, you know it, magic wands, magic scrolls, all the good shit wizards have. Hell yeah!


these people sure do like to write things down for me to read later

We didn’t hang around Feldposts, what with the bbq’d mage in one of the suites, instead returning to the Juggler. It seems this Tazok is who we want. Larswood is closer according the the barkeeper so we’ll check there first.

Day 32- Bounty Hunter re-redux

Next stop bandit camp, wait, no, next stop was the 5000 GOLD BOUNTY. I NEEDED it. Someone had told us they had seen Basillus to the SW of Beregost, and he was a necromancer, YUCK, I hate them, the very idea of necromancers make my toes curl and my teeth ache.

Well, it took a while, and a lot of walking (I hate this just a teensy bit less than I hate necromancers - thats how much I hate them), but we found him exactly where our source said he would be, Imoen scouted out while invisible – she counted at least ten walking skeletons, a few DISGUSTING zombie thingies plus the GROSS priest playing with dead bodies. We came up with a super-secret necromancer killer strategy which was 100% not just a couple of fireballs from my amulet then lots and lots of magic missiles. Yeah, there was LOADS more to it than that, loads.


DISGUSTING.

We have to prep though, so we’re currently hiding out for a few hours while I prepared my spells (and scribble some rough notes on my diary, which is balanced on my knee.)

Day 33 – Arwen: Necromancer Slayer

Im had nabbed a fresh magic missile wand from that so-called wizard in Feldpost’s Inn so she could join in the fun. Did I just write fun? What I mean is join in with the noble art of both bounty hunting and necromancer destruction. Anyway, the fireballs wasted the skeletons and getting struck with 21 tiny magical bullets will kill most people, necromancer or not. One less disgusting person I have to deal with. We took his unholy symbol as proof of our epic deeds and now it was time to get P A I D – 5 grand for that, 100% fire.


100% fire

I had to get Imoen to carry the symbol – Cyric since you asked, I hate that guy and I don’t even know why, the symbol makes me super uncomfortable. She wasn’t that keen either so we double wrapped it in spare clothes and buried it in the bottom of her pack.


DO NOT SHARE super secret necromancer slayer strategy

We had to go to a temple of lathander to get our reward. My patron goddess has been quiet these past few days, but I could feel her seething as we got close. I had Imoen go in to collect the bounty alone, didn’t really fancy the killer headache that trying to enter would provoke. The reward was as promised, five thousand gold, only this time it doesn’t actually feel like that much – Imoens fancy new armour cost 10,000. I guess ive enter the big leagues with the fat wallets.


Imoen didn’t much like this place either but we gots to get paid

It’s a short entry today – killing that stupid necromancer really took it out of me. Not been feeling myself lately, and that doesn’t even include the fact that Gorion is still dead. Imoen’s feeling it too, feels like inevitability.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAX73U1W01o
Those were the words that led my daughter to insist I loaded BG onto her i-pad. And she finished it. Being a mom has Tannhauser Gate moments.

"I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate." (ref. Bladerunner)

The pages of the Book of Time always forward turn, and those past can never be erased.

Day 34 – To hunt a bandit

We agreed that there was no use delaying it. We had to hunt down these so called bandits who were shutting down iron imports into the iron coast. I had to think it was an ok plan: restrict imports, taint the only internal source. Then, like, idk… what IS the end game here? And how does it link to me? Me and Im DESERVE answers for al lthe shit these fuckers have put us through. Perhaps this “Tazok” will have answers – perhaps he is the one I want. We're the assassins now. Lets see how they feel.

Our trip to Larswood was almost successful, but not quite, damn. u see we met some bandits alright – a whole crew of them, the leader at least was ok to talk, we fucked up though (not that I would ever admit that in public), dropped the name Tazok from Tranzig’s letter trying to “fit in” and well, you can guess the rest – whoops! Had to kill them all lol. Nothing a magical webpit and some divine holds can’t sort out though. I counted eight dead bodies. And now I betcha wondering if we did it and the answer is no fucking way, I an NOT scalping people – I’ve already like, broken a few nails, I don’t care how much gold they’re offering, its just unhygienic, and not really part of the whole “look” im going for here.


Me and Im handing out humiliation

So its back to square one, which is super annoying. Not to mention and I don’t want to labour it but we walked for fricking hours all around this wood to find these damn bandits and you know how much I hate walking – and camping in the wilderness, that old pile of shit again, at least I have a portable mini-desk so I can keep my journal up to date. When I finally catch up to who is to blame for this they are going to be in for a whole world of pain.

Day 35 – To hunt a bandit 2: return to the drawing board

Im sat writing this on the 37th day since the murder of my father, during a quick stop at the friendly arm inn before we head west into the apparently "endless and trackless" Claokwood (more woods, yay). I realised that If me and Im are going to infiltrate this bandit camp I probably shouldn’t have a diary on me which talks all about how I am going to kill them. Good thinking Arwen.

So after the micro-fiasco with the first group of bandits we encountered me and Im went north into the Peldvale, where the raids were apparently even worse. You know what else was even worst – the stupid Peldvale not just woos but low lying woods with lakes and bogs and I got wet feet and my boots were practically ruined. It was horrible.

That being said we did actually find some more bandits after only about two hours of trudging through damp, muddy forest. I thought this time I better let Imoen do the talking, doesn’t take a braid as big as mine to realise that everyone here laughs at gnomes. She had no problem sweet talking this group of bandits into thinking we were here for the banditry. Helps that she has that savage black armour which makes her look like a badass bandit.


more gnome h8ters

These morons took us straight back to the camp. I cannot quite believe it worked. Strangers show up and you just lead them back to your super secret camp, lmao. Plus, we struck gold: he introduced us to Tazok! The person mentioned in Tranzig’s letter. Tazok was deffo in charge round here. Only downside is he was this mean looking ogre, huge sword, brutal armour, more than twice as tall as I am, hell, almost twice as tall as Imoen is. I did NOT think this was the time to start slinging spells – that’s not how assassins operate, shoot ‘em in the back, not the front, obvs.


um, yep, just some bandit wannabes, here to join your bandit actualbes

We thought we better get the, like “lay of the land” or whatever Gorion used to say – reconnaissance, reconnoiter, that sort of shit. I’m not going to go into all this detail about the camp except it was huge, at least, like a hundred bandits, including these two groups who are apparently famous: the Blacktalons and the Chill, both really well equiped. The Chill were also literal hobgoblins, eww. In fact the whole stupid camp was eww, it was muddy and it stunk like actual shit, plus we’d overheard that Tazok had left and there was no idea when he would be back so we had to change our plan – Tazok had a big tent that was guarded day and night, 24/7 rotations. That’s where we needed me and Im spent some time listening like super secret spies, trying to gather info from the less disgusting bandits, but, like there weren’t many women in the camp, if you get my drift so we “retreated” to an unoccupied tent to wait for the cover of darkness.

Day 36 – Deadly Viper Assassination Squad

It was a couple of hours after midnight that we snuck into Tazok’s tent, we knew there would be guards, minions, whatever in here but there was no other option – behead the remaining bandit leadership while Tazok was away and maybe the Blacktalons and the Chill would just drift away, or even better: kill each other.

Long story short: there were a lot more goons in the tent than me and Im were expecting. But, I’m like super strong, and I still had my necklace of fireball-death. I let off three fireballs in quick succession while Imoen dodged out the way. The necklace crumbled to dust after the third – guess that was the end of that, hope I can find another somewhere because this thing has been a literal lifesaver.

The fireballs killed pretty much everyone, plus set fire to a bunch of shit (guess we better work on the "stealthy" part of "stealthy assassin") and the ones that it didn’t were webbed, blinded and shot to shit. Whole fight was over in just a couple of minutes, lucky us since we could hear the camp stirring outside, fireballs are kinda loud (no shit).


The most deadly assassin duo on the sword coast strikes again. authorities baffled.

We grabbed everything we could from the tent, scrolls, letters, anything that looked useful and/or an infodump. And, hiding in the back, behind the mega-throne was this prisoner dude who came out with some super sweet info, a name: the “iron throne.” Like, cool, thanks and also very useful, but you could have helped in the fight maybe idk, good luck getting out of there alive tho.


*humming* blame it on the zhents

No time to hang about – we popped a couple of invisibility potions I’d been saving for this sort of thing and ran as the camp descended into chaos behind us. Hope they wiped each other out.

Day 37 – Return to the Friendly Arm Inn

So that brings us up to date, day 37 since I left Candlekeep. 37 days that Gorion’s killer has been allowed to live, its getting embarrasing. The dreams come every night now – visions of cities in flames, armies obliterated, gods murdered. The power rushes into me, divine and arcane mixed together. I feel so much older, there’s nothing to do but push on. I want more: more influence, more fame, more adoration, more wealth, but above all I want more of this power. I feel like a shadow of what I could be.

Wizards study for decades to attain what I have in a few short weeks; the magic comes as easy as breathing. Rare are the individuals who are blessed with divine favour yet it rushes into me now, a torrent of divine power which I can tap at will. She is in my dreams too – eyes as dark as coal, I thought I knew who she was but now I am not so sure – everything is so unclear.

I can see imoen drinking with a group of adventurers on the other side of the inn, she likes that everyone knows who she is. She’s changed as much as I have, and still changing – harder, harsher. I always thought she was too soft, but its going, she’s killed as many as I have, maybe more. Have you ever seen your own sister laughing after burying a poisoned dagger in someone’s back? I have.


I always wanted to be one of the popular girls

I’ve had some time to look over the letters we took from Tazok’s tent, the first references the Iron Throne, just like the prisoner in Tazok’s tent said. Also me and Im, “a small band of mercenaries” haha. “You are to ensure that they don’t live to upset our operations” double haha we’ve fucked your “operations” right up, and we gonna keep doing it. That’s what you get for fucking with Arwen: your total and utter destruction. We need to know more about this Iron Throne organisation. Lots more. Then we’re going to destroy it, or take it over, whatever is more humiliating for them.


the Iron Throne, stupid name imo

The second references a base in Cloakwood where iron is being “stockpiled” and a “ultimatum” to be given. Suuuurely there most be more to this than extortion. Like, it’s a clever strategy: stockpile iron, destroy or take over all existing supplies, come to everyones rescue with an offer that’s “too good to refuse” – hey presto, everyone now has to do what you say, especially if the recent rumours I’ve heard are true and war is brewing with Amn. But, is that it? it doesn't explan why they wanted me and Gorion dead in the first place. They made the first move, I need to know why.


no they have not been killed (sorry not sorry), they just yesterday killed your doods in your stupid bandit camp

But more than this it references someone who PERSONALLY wants me dead: Sarevok. They are now number 1 on my shitlist. (Number 2 is Davaeorn who wrote these letters). Tomorrow we set out into Cloakwood in search of this secret base, if that isn’t successful we will have to try looking for the Iron Throne in Baldur’s Gate.

Day 38 – Cloakwood hunt

The Cloakwood is HUGE. Like, unfairly big. An endless, trackless sea of green. I had no idea how we were going to find a “secret base,” I mean its ment to be secret, that means difficult to find, obvs.

Eventually we ran into some druids arguing with some baldurian noble or something, I didn’t really pay attention. Both lots wanted us to help them (I.e. kill the other lot), but like, druids know shit about forests and noble know shit about, idk, wine? I already hated this forest so we sided with the druids which turned out to be the right decision since they told us how to find the Iron Throne base, in vague terms at least. Nice. All we have to do is go west then north (would it kill a druid to be a tiny tiny TINY bit more specific?!), but anyways, thank fuck for homicidal druids who can’t be bothered to do their own dirty work is all I can think.


druids always know shit about forests

The other big ‘ol stroke of luck is that we ran into a band of Talosi, one of whom had a special cloak which would supposedly protect the wearer from being magically revealed while hiding. Something nice to keep imoen dry in this stupid forest. We spoke to someone who had lost this cloak I think, aaaages ago. Who cares, its Imoen’s now.