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Technical Notes:
BG: EE
SCS mod mostly installed inc the IWD spell bits
Insane Difficulty


Arwen’s Diary – DO NOT READ


Picture of me, think I look cute


Day 1 - Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down.

Another day just like any other. Well, not quite true, Gorion says we have to leave Candlekeep! What the hell?! I was just getting the hang of this magic stuff, after sooooo long practicing: I can make magic armor, summon a shield and even make people blind. And now he wants us to leave?!

I hope he didn’t find out about what happened with the praying. You see, I had started praying, like, I thought it might help with the magic studies, only for some reason the prayer’s weren’t like, directed to anyone Gorion would have approved of (“Gorion approved list of gods and goddesses” heh). I didn’t think anything of it, but something answered, and before I knew it I could channel like a some holy power like right through me. It was incredible, as good as the magic. Wow, first the acrane, then the holy, and now we need to leave Candlekeep. I was all like better keep all this secret for now, Gorion doesn’t need to know.

So I did what he asked and went to buy some stuff for the journey. I didn’t really know what I would need but I’ve never been very strong, something to do with my mother Gorion said, so I just picked up a sling and some bullets, plus a little shield and a helmet so I don’t get knocked on the bonce. That still left a whole 82 gold pieces – Gorion has no understanding of the value of money, but what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him, so I just pocketed the gold. Nice.


check out my gear haul

Anyway, I was going to go see Gorion but I figured I had a few hours to kill before he would be out of the library so I thought I would take one last look around Candlekeep, and since I was leaving, maybe this was the perfect time to indulge in a bit of… not thievery, but just like, if they’re not watching it they’re practically begging me to put it in my pocket.

It was the usual rubbish in the keep grounds, Phylidia had lost a book, greeeaant, third one this week, but that was fine, since I’d seen her leave it in the stables earlier. Dreppin, the stablehand wanted me to fetch a potion to cure his cow – between me and you he doesn’t do a very good job since those cows are aaaalways sick, but what do I care, they’re just stupid cows and he offered me gold because he couldn’t be bothered to schlep his lazy ass across the keep. I got the potion, but not before Hull gave me a run around. I was actually starting to think that leaving this place is the best thing that has every happened to me ever. My prayers had been answered – figuratively, but also literally.

Or so I thought. Now this is where it gets weird: Hull told me to go get the potion for the stupid sick cow from his trunk in the barracks, but I was so busy thinking about leaving that I wandered into the building next to the barracks instead of the actual building. So as soon as I go in this asshole asks me if I’m “Gorion’s whelp.” Like wtf who talks to someone like that, so I told him to beat it, there's enough creeps around here as it is, and then he fucking attacked me! With a knife! Wow, I was not expecting that. I’ve never been more pleased that I spent hours trying to learn that shield spell. Or the blindness one. So I blinded him and then with a bit of divine pleading I managed to summon this fuck off massive club which I brained him with all while he was flailing around all blind like. Bits of motherfucker went everywhere. Eww. But on the other hand don’t fuck with Arwen. I’d never killed anyone before, and guess what, it turns out its easy. Hit ‘em ‘til their dead. Who’da thought it.


he is kill

Someone must have heard the noise of me wailing on his skull because once I went outside the monks were all asking what was going on. I though, better not say that I just smashed someone’s brains out with the blessing of some unknown goddess, so I told them that some horrid assassin had just attacked me and id almost died – the fake tears were a nice touch (I 100% was NOT crying for real). They were pretty freaked out and told me to “make hast to see Gorion.” Mf’er I’m going, u don’t have to tell me twice. But not before I deliver this stupid potion – I want my gold, assassins or not.

Fortunately while all this was going on the divine club had vanished, and it took the bits of brain that were wedged in it with it. Gross. Well, maybe what’s her name likes that sort of stuff, idk, I have a lot to learn.

So after I pretty much throw the dumb cow potion at Dreppin I go to see Gorion, because yeah, someone tried to kill me, like, me in particular, like an assassin or some shit. That is fuuuucked up.

And guess what, just as I saw Gorion coming out of the library, Imoen ambushed me. I thought she was another assassin hiding in the rose bushes for a second, but no, just my favorite sister (stepsister actually, idk, its weird, Gorion keeps dodging the question). Most of the people here as dull, boring assholes, who just looooove books, but Imoen always makes me laugh and she’s good to piss around with, but I didn’t want to worry her with what had happened earlier so I kind of brushed her off to go see Gorion. Sorta regret that considering what happened.


Candlekeep gardens. I like them they're pretty.

Gorion just repeated what I already knew, we had to go, and go now. He nodded when I told him about the assassin as if he wasn’t surprised at all. I didn’t know what to think. Except, looking up at Candlekeep from the gardens that I’d like to own a mega-castle like this one day, that would be sweet, don’t ever tell a girl that she got her priorities wrong: I’ll make sure to pray for a sick castle.

Yeah, so we left Candlkeep. I can’t remember the last time I actually went outside the walls – five years ago, ten? Freaky, but at this point I was still pretty worked up about that assassin, wondering if it was possible for things to be more fucked up that someone trying to kill you. Well, as it turns out yeah, it is possible.


Out of Candlekeep

So fucking get this right, its raining its dark, and freezing cold, I can hear wolves howling and goddess knows what else out there in this disgusting, and I mean disgusting horrid, dripping wet forest. Gorion keeps telling me to hurry up and I’m thinking that I would literally kill someone to be back in Candlekeep, like bash their brains in no problem if it meant I could be in a warm dry bed with no slimy leaves trying to make me slip over. Well, things were about to get a lot worse.

Ok, I’ll cut a long story short. We were ambushed by, like, thirty, maybe fifty goons, including this massive one in some badass armour. Of course he was considerably less badass when he cut Gorion in half. I don’t want to say I ran away like a little baby but truth is I ran away like a little baby, fled right into the forest, praying as hard as I could. I don’t know if it was the prayers or just my stupid shortass gnome legs pumping as fast as they could but they never caught up to me in the dark. I ran until I collapsed into a hollow and literally passed out from exhaustion. Smooth Arwen, super smooth.

Had the strangest dream too. She was there, the goddess: all dark hair and twisting shadows. She told me she had saved me, and that I owed her my life. She said that power was mine for the taking. That I would kill the ones who killed Gorion so easily, I just had to trust in her, and trust in myself. That was key, I had to put faith in my own abilities.

Day 2 – The morning after the night before.

Picking up where I left off. Well, a lot has happened since I last filled in this diary. The world outside Candlekeep is pretty messed up, someone ought to sort this place out.
I woke up soaking wet, terrible headache, felt like shit. Gorion was dead, I had no clue where I was. Literally stumbled in a random direction and what do you know, I was actually quite close to the Candlekeep road. And who should be bouncing (yep, bouncing) along it, heading east and right into me, Imoen, my sister. Well, I should take a moment to say something, she’s not actually my sister, since, like, I’m a gnome, and she’s like human, but Gorion was always saying we were sisters, so maybe half-sisters? Idk what he actually meant, I don’t look like a half gnome. Never really “got” it, but we are like sisters I guess, always doing stupid things together.


me and imoen on the road together

Anyway, she “heard” (read: was spying) that we were leaving and followed, then got lost in the forest before we were attacked. I told her about Gorion and we took a moment to console each other. Pretty fucked up to watch your father cut in half in front of you. But my goddesses dream was as sharp in my head as Gorion’s death was, and I knew that there was something here, he might be dead, but this was a beginning, not an ending: there was no way, like absolutely no way I was going to end up like that. He told me to go to the “friendly arm inn” so, with a pouch full of gold, and Imoen to keep me company we set off east. At least the sun was shining and my clothes were drying out. Anyways ( I say that a lot don’t I) I know one thing: what happened to Gorion is never, ever, going to happen to me. I don’t care what I have to do, but revenge, power, wealth, a big (really big) castle, everything that can be had from this world - I’m going to take it. But first I just need a decent bed.

First off, me and Imoen walked for a few hours towards the Inn Gorion mentioned (she was already starting to annoy me actually but I’ve put up with it for years, so I guess I should just suck it up right about now what with everything that has happened.) you would not believe how much walking the world outside candlekeep requires. Hoooly shit you just walk for hours and don’t see anything but trees trees and more trees.

Yeah, where was I so we had been walking for a few hours, kinda lunch time maybe and this couple of creeps like stops us in the road, asks us where we’re going, one of them like literally asks us if we will “go to nashkel” with them then offers me a “potion”. No idea where Nashkel is, or what it is, but like, it sounded like a lame pickup line so obviously I said no. But Imoen, she’s all “Wow, that sounds interesting, why are you going to Nashkel?” And the two wierdos spill a whole story about some iron plague, like a literal sickness that affects only iron (wtf) and so everyone’s weapons are falling apart which is apparently bad, so they said they would go to Nashkel to see what was going on (I figure they’re basically mercenaries or something). So at this point I elbow imoen (quite hard) and tell them we have other plans, I am NOT going with two randomers to some mine a billion leagues away to “investigate” some iron illness (at least not without a pile of gold up front). I got bigger problems, plus these two are tier-1A wierdos: dude tried to offer me a potion like ten seconds after he met me. I had these flashbacks of bashing in that assassin’s head with my holy mace but these two kinda looked dangerous, so I just dragged imoen away along the road.


yeah, no thanks.

So we hurried on, further east, towards the inn. Eight hours later, and I do mean eight hours, not some sort of exaggeration we meet another wierdo creep, but this time its some old man (nonce?). And just before he speaks I hear this voice in my head which tells me not to trust him. Nice to feel like you’re special, like you have someone looking out for you. But anyway, remembering what happened with the two creeps when Imoen started talking I told this old codger to piss off. You would not believe the hard time imoen gave me about that but im not about to ignore someone who let me summon a magic club and save my life; no way am I doing that. Imoen got over it.

It took another eight hours, and again I literally mean eight hours to get to the friendly arm inn from where we met the geriatric bellend. We’d been travelling all day and it was pretty dark by this point but we could see it, this massive fortress which was apparently an “inn.” Looked almost as big as Candlekeep and I was reminded that actually I would quite like a big castle of my own some day. I was also reminded that Gorion was dead somehweer in bits, which took a fair bit of the shine off our arrival. Imoen was dead tired as well, almost tripping over her feet, so the two of us stumbled over the drawbridge hoping for a bed. I still had Gorion’s gold pouch on me and I figured that the two of us could probably afford the most expensive room in the inn no problem. We deserved it after all the crap we’d been through.


at. fucking. last.

I was absorbed with these fantasies of luxurious soft beds and delicious food almost running up the stairs to the entrance. That was until this berk interrupted us on the way in. I was so looking forward to that feather bed that I told him, um “fuck off” I think was what I said. Well, instead of doing that (fucking off pronto) he attacked us, asshole, didn’t he know how fucking tired I was???

So it got worse, obviously. He was a mage, and a better one that I am. Luckily we’d had a quick rest on the way so I could cast a few spells but still, this was not good – the only thing that saved us is that I had learned from what had happened – attacked by an assassin, Gorion killed by a group of killers, waylayed by a series of nonces on the road, there is no way, and I mean no way I am walking into any potentially dangerous situation unprepared ever again. By that I mean I had cast my magic shield on myself in case things went south, so to speak.

But really, it was the blindness spell that saved the day yet again – as soon as he attacked my fingers crooked and he was rendered blind as a bat, must be painful for that to happen to a wizard. I forgot to mention that Imoen was asleep at this point, that bastard got off a spell before I could mess his stupid eyes up.


sleepy imoen

Anyway, have you ever seen a blind wizard? Pretty sad actually, he bumbled and stumbed around while I used my sling on him hoping that Imoen would wake up. He had some sort of mirror image spell, I haven’t learned that one yet, but it made hitting him super difficult, even with him being blind. I contemplated asking the goddess for a big club again but I didn’t want to get anywhere near this spellcaster, so instead I tried something new and asked her for a divine boon, something that would help me hit this dude with my sling, and waddya know, my prayer was answered – cool does not even begin to cover it. Imoen woke up too so she filled him with a few arrows and bammo, one dead wizard.

Only, when imoen was going through his pockets she found a literal bounty notice with my name on it! “Arwen, 200GP, dead only”, idk if I should be flattered or shit scared since like every asshole from here to Baldur’s Gate is going to be looking for some quick gold. Not cool!


im a wanted woman, this fucking sucks

We stepped over his corpse and entered the inn, hoping to blend in with the packed crowd and avoid any more assassins, nonces, creepers, armoured killers or general “bad dudes.”

The first thing, literally the first thing, that happened once we were in was this half-orc with a big sword told me to get him more ale. I wanted to scream, fortunately Imoen delt with this one (using her middle finger) and we moved further into the crowd.


FUCK. OFF.

I hired the innkeepers most expensive room and me and Imoen sank into blissful sleep. Whoever Gorion wanted us to meet here can wait until tomorrow.

I like this so far. Does the shield give spell failure to illusionist?

Props for the character name, I have imagined her with the right amount of fucks flying around xD
You put me in the shame for not finishing BG.

I didn't read as instructed, but it sure looks fun!



Candlekeep replay value SPOILERS:

Nice. I read the diary. Not sorry.

Oh my god YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I love this SO much! It's so cute, it's so funny, it's so much better than my stupid journal thing.

You're the coolest, alice. This is exactly what I always wanted.



But.

But but...

A gnome, alice?

A GNOME?

How could you betray our Anti-Gnome Club like this?

for a - 7 bonus to saves vs spells and vs wands; everyone has their price

Day 3 – Ring the changes

I woke up remembering another strange dream – this time my goddess showed me a dark crevice in a cluster of rocks outside the inn. I somehow knew there was something interesting there. She wanted me to have it.

Nice room. Really nice room, which is good, considering the cost. Me and Imoen decided to stay here for another day – that second assassin has some magic scrolls on him, spells I’ve never seen before so I wanted to spend some time trying to learn them. Which I did! Easy as apple pie. Now I can cast a magic missile and make flames shoot out of my hands, that’s so cool. Only problem being that I still can only cast two spells before I am completely exhausted and have to sleep and I don’t want to give up my bindness spell. Imoen says I need to "work on my stamina" and i said like, girl we walked a million miles to get here, how much stamina working do you want me to do. Then I ordering some room service.


More spells, more power to Arwen (me)

While I was learning the spells Imoen wandered off and It was only later that I found out that she had been stealing anything that wasn’t bolted down from the guests in the inn. Typical Imoen. She came back with some nice armour she had “found” in a chest. The other thing she found were a couple of rubes who wanted us to do things for them. Some old lady said she would pay anyone who could get rid of the spiders in her house, in Beregost (which is apparently south of here). I said eww, no way, aren’t there like people who’s job it is to do that? I do NOT like spiders. The other one was some rich idiot who somehow lost his belt when he met an ogre. I really really REALLY do not want to know how you lose you belt when you encounter an ogre. Nor do I want to meet an ogre tbh.

Anyway, me and Imoen decided to go for a walk outside the Inn grounds, to follow up on my dream. And what do you know, there was a magic ring tucked down between some boulders. This thing is the shit. I can literally feel it increasing my spellcasting power. I can cast a whole four, yeah four, spells now. Amazing. I stocked up on another blindness since that one rocks, and some magical armour, because I was hella jelly of imoen’s new leather armour and wanted some of my own. Yeah. No one is going to be a strong as me soon.


I have no idea how this ring got in here, but I know exactly how I got it out


It’s called evermemory apparently, this one’s a keeper

That afternoon we wandered round the north end of the Inn and you are never going to guess what. There were all these like, “hobgoblins,” I think I got that right because I’ve only ever seen them in books. They ATTACKED me and Imoen, fucking wow Is everyone outside of candlekeep an angry monster? But, with my magic armour, and my magic shield, and my actual shield and my divine club I am pretty much invincible so I smashed their brains in while imoen filled them full of arrows. Starting to think that yeah, its possible to be a badass in this world. We killed a whole five hobgoblins, then we lugged all the crap they had on them back to the inn to flog for cashmoney.

They had an engraved ring on them, which tbh wasn’t worth very much at all so in the end I gave it back to the peasant who claimed she’d lost it, thought it might get me a bit of goodwill with the local morons people.

The other big thing we did today was meet “Jaheira” and “Khalid”, who Gorion told me to find before he was, well before “that” happened. I immediately didn’t like them. For starters they didn’t seem very sad that Gorion was dead, for main course they had no idea who might have killed him, and for dessert they were going to Nashkel like those creepers on the road and said we could “tag along” Fuckers. Obviously I didn’t say that, I said “That’s very nice of you but I think me and my sister will find our own way in this world (of shit)” They didn’t hear that last bit.


nice try, but mines are only one step above sewers

Me and Imoen chatted with some others in the common room and the nearest town was apparently Beregost, maybe we can find some information there about whoever it is who is trying to kill me. I’m also sitting on a fat stack of gold so maybe I can put it to good use in my plans to become a bad bitch. Only joking I’m going to spend it on fancy rooms and nice food.

Day 4 – The adventuring life SUCKS BIG TIME Our miserable journey to Beregost

We camped on the road last night, and I took the time to learn a few more spells, one that could be used to scare people (cool, I’ll test it on imoen later) and one to help run away. Which, um, well, maaaaybe that will be useful.

Cut a long story short – we found that ogre the dude in the friendly arm inn mentioned – not exactly sure how since I swear we were trying to stick to the road but It started raining really heavily and Imoen thought she could see somewhere to shelter and well there was an ogre there. I did my usual thing and magically blinded it, but the damn thing just ran around like a headless and also eyeless chicken. Almost impossible to hit and I was worried that it was going to attract other monsters. Which It did, but we killed them too! And it had not one but two MAGIC belts. We hurried on to Beregost because I wanted to know what these things did. (i.e. we did not take them back to the rube who managed to lose them) And also because it was raining and I was soaking wet, AGAIN.




Arwen and Imoen, Ogre Slayers

It took hours to get to Beregost and by the time we got there I had my priorities straight. 1. Get these magic belts identified. 2. Rent the most expensive room in the most expensive inn. 3. Find out who killed Gorion and who put a bounty on my head 4. Get rich.


Beregost

We found the inn first, looked fancy, but this moron, and I mean complete S-tier moron comes up to me as soon as I get in the door and says he doesn’t “like my type” like what? Gnomes? Fucking ass. Though I guess I haven’t seen many other people like me at all since I left Candlekeep. Guess there just aren’t many gnomes around, but that’s no excuse for being rude. So anyways it was like the red mist descended, didn’t he know what I had been through recently?! Didn’t he know how tough my life is right now?! So I told him he was , rude, nasty, a piece of shit and a motherfucker, and that I would smash his brains in if he didn’t say sorry. And well he didn’t say sorry so I smashed his brains in: a girl’s got to have integrity. Imoen stabbed him a few times for good measure. Then we kicked his corpse. I warned him I was gonna do it so it’s not like it’s anyone’s fault but his, plus can you blame me, I’ve been having a super rough week. No one else seemed all that bothered, I guess they didn’t like him either and were just waiting for a strong-willed gnome to put him in his place (the ground).



No one, and I mean no one talks to me like that

Found a smith too who could identify my new belts, one of them was cursed, he said it would turn me into a man (bleugh, what WAS that guy doing with this ogre?!), the other though, damn this shit is fire. I’m not returning this, this one’s a keeper. The other thing we did was stock up on arrows since Imoen only brought like 10 from Candlekeep and she ran out before mentioning it. Sisters.


Fashionable AND powerful

What else, oh yeah, we bumped into pervy old firebeard, from candlekeep. He also did not seem very concerned that gorion was dead, but he did give me a nifty scroll case for me to store things safely away from the rain. Obviously Imoen nicked some stuff while I distracted him, Firebeards always got more gold than sense.

And that was that. I’m tired, time to hit the luxurious hay.

That's what postmodernist Arwen looks and swears now. You really know how to make it painful!

get yo money

BG1 and BG2 reminds me how I once ran dark monk and from weak scrub, he came out in bg2 as one punch man also there were so many cool mods.

Stabbing, stealing and good ol' corpse kicking. All you want from life.

Best parts:





My heart is a cold, blackened lump of charcoal, incapable of feeling love or warmth. But if it wasn't, I'd be feeling those things. Keep it up!

thanx!

Day 5 - In which Arwen and Imoen properly commence their quest to get rich as shit (and get revenge too)

OMFG some dude in the square was offering FIVE THOUSAND GOLD to kill someone. Who you ask? Who cares more like, its 5,000 gold, I’d kill anyone for that much cash. Well, not Imoen, but pretty much anyone else. You shoulda seen my eyes when he told me how much the bounty was. We. Are. Getting. That. Bounty.


Mo Money Less Problems

But I have a feeling that a bounty that big is going to need some serious firepower so me and Imoen are going to have to work really hard. So that’s why we took another job. Some stupid dwarf wants us to track down some stupid noble’s stupid son. Sign us up and off we go.


Dream duo + third wheel

Didn’t go according to plan obviously, the son was dead, and even worse, the caravan had already been looted. What a waste of time. Told the dwarf to beat it, don’t need another berk with a bounty on their head slowing us down. At least he paid us for the work, but it was back to Berghost to look for some decent paying work, or hopefully a few marks who want of to “retrieve” things they have lost. Heh, still loving this magic belt.


...

What had to be the worst part of the day was when we got back to beregost and some crazy woman waylayed us, wanting help against a killteam of red wizards like noooo thankyou I do not want to get involved which was all well and good in theory but what actually happened is she like manipulated them into thinking we were with her. B*tch! Fortunately, or unfortunately her magic backfired and the red wizard was teleported who knows where leaving us to deal with his apprentice. You guessed it, another blind (apprentice) wizard coming up. I was actually quite excited to see if this budget thayvian had some scrolls or cool magic items but guess what HE HAD NOTHING ON HIM. I was so angry that I told the crazy wildmage to piss off before I smashed her bonce in for what she’d manipulated us into doing – killing a red wizard, like even an apprentice, hoooly shit. Me and Imoen scarpered asap after that, thought we better lay low ‘til this blows over.


Today is officially ruined! Courtesy of some wildmage jerk.

We left Beregost to the south. I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t want to get lost in the wilderness, or go back to the Friendly Arm Inn, so south seemed to be the only option. Wow I hate that wild mage that got us into this, did I mention that?!

We just walked south, and just our luck we run into some wierdass creatures who attacked us (Imoen said they’re called Ogrillons, gross). You can guess what we did (kill them). One of them had a letter addressed to someone in Beregost on them and I figured there might be payment for delivering it but I didn’t want to go back yet, until we were sure the red wizards weren’t going to come looking for us. We found the remains of the messenger shortly after, seems we had interrupted lunch.

The other thing that happened was some feds harassed us claiming we were bandits. I mean come ON there were two monsters literally EATING a messenger in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD not 100m further north, these assholes should do their job and stop harassing us. That is NOT what I said, instead I put on my best gnomish charm and they naffed off to eat some doughnuts or something. Good riddance. Me and imoen had a bit of a laugh doing flaming fist impressions after then had gone.

It was getting late and the two of us decided to hang out in the wilderness overnight (ugh) and decide what to do in the morning.

So good. Highlights:

why are you that woman from Buffy the vampire slayer?

Finished an entire saga playthrough with a CN Human Fighter/Assassin like a month ago.
This game is timeless, is one of the few games which it always plays like the first time. There's a reason me and others here keep insisting that Larian should seek inspiration in these games.