Actually, in India you have selective abortion of female phoetuses, girls are raped and killed after that. You don't need to wait for the third. And the ones who are born, nanyvtimes die because neglect. No education at all, your career being "property of a male, housewife and breeder" (basically you don't get to decide at all), yet you would also work at the fields for free. You can be killed in an honor kill in some countries if you don't marry the man your family decide or just for being raped which can happen if you lower your guard. And in some countries if some men in your family rape another woman, you would be sentenced to be raped. Murdering women is quite common in those countries, so is batering. So all those things that in your opinion "make it worse for male drows" actually happen now in real world to girls and women, except worse.
Yes, in some countries the man who is insatisfied with a woman, would throw acid to their face. Or burn her alive for, you know, not satisfying their sexual desires or refusing him. So drow being trained and allowed to scheme is one step above real world. Even if their mothers decide the career. And not being able to refuse sex? Also happens, plus rape and murder for "dishonoting the family". And yes, women are considered expendable, so if there is no food, they would be the ones who starve. Plus mutilations like ablation who can kill the girl who suffer it. But even if they survive, sex would be painful for them. And at the same time, they won't be allowed to refuse sex to their hundsband. We can go on.
Just consider this, in the real world, people would castrate children to preserve their voice, drow matriarch don't. Even if that would make a lot of sense from their point of view. No equivakentvof ablation for male drow? Why? Why would Lolth want male drow to enjoy sex? In the real world, greek consider that "true love" was among men, and woman just for reproduction. So why would the sister get interest in the brother and not another sister/cousin/woman? If we draw paralel with real world, the picture we could get would be a lot worse.
You might want to pay attention to real world violence before you say it is worse for male drow. Real people can be quite cruel.
