Why talk about mischaracterization when you pass off adding comfort with probability to a contrived game scenario as a signal for maturity? Please.
The AI does not give a damn that you hit a goblin. That's why HP exists, and some even bigger pedant saying "well combat should be a binary between getting hit and die in one hit, as is the realistic scenario when hit by a blade or lightning, or crippled and useless for a while on a long healing period as would be realistic."
The dice exists on a tabletop because you have to negotiate the adventure among a group of players.
This will be for the vast majority of players a single player RPG where the dice as an impartial arbiter is irrelevant. They can keep that die in a multiplayer setting if they so choose, but ecen there it's absurd because your campaign is not clashing against other players'.
Your railing against dice rolls and your inability, or unwillingness, to understand the need for them, calling whatever you disagree with as "absurd", "contrived", and "a farce", don't make the relevance of the dice any less true.
Your assertion that dice rolls are "absurd" because campaigns are not about clashing against other players, shows just how little you care to learn and understand DnD, not even thinking through the implications of what you so ardently advocate. In campaigns, there will always be interactions between player characters and characters played by other players AND the DM. Is the DM then supposed to let you strike that goblin just because you wish it so, while it stands there like a pinata, in order that the game is not "absurd"? Is this how DnD games should be played in your mind? And what happens when the DM says a second goblin thrusts its sword into your character's chest? I suppose, in order to not be "a farce", your character would also just stand there and be skewered, then?
The idea that flipping a coin to get results adds strategy is a farce. The decision tree remains wholly simplistic.
On the contrary, accounting for bad outcomes in a battle plan engenders better planning and strategy. Expecting your enemy to be hit just because you wished betrays your own simplistic thinking. As in life, things don't always turn out the way you wanted it, and DnD reflects that. It takes maturity to understand and embrace it. It takes the lack of it to brand it as "absurd", "contrived", and "a farce".
This is a single player RPG videogame in design intention, not a tabletop campaign.
This game is also designed to be enjoyed by players coming together for a campaign. No amount of forceful, hyperbolic adjectives in denying it will make it any less true.
