Not entirely sure if it changes based on " Host choice " / " Singlerplayer custom " - but the default absolute at least for my playthroughs always describe them as a 'her' - so a Female friendly costume as the placeholder item is the most fitting.
The only way ( for now ) to change this, would be through mods. I recommend joining the Larian discord and asking for something to be thrown together if it bothers you so much.
and yes, I'd like it to be changed as well. What if the generic fighter guy that Larian dislikes so much -- fully donned in his armour -- is what I wanna dream about? ( It's not, but I'd like the option! )
The absolute and the tadpole character are two different things. That's why the loved host can be of any race and any gender. And as far as I am concerned, we know the nightsong is a she. But the absolute, it's not certain.
