Well Lewis all you say about your char and quest sounds good, but you're whole story is based on other ones. I mean your char doesnt have anything unique. Something that makes it that char. Fe, for me it was the murder of my family and the sword. After that it chanced into the romance with Willow.
I cant find anything like (not completly) that. I mean you're to mutch depending on another char. You dont have anything that makes that char 'unique' or 'you'. You're build to mutch on another char. Witch has it good sides, but also it bad sides. Make sure you have something to build on except the black ring.
Well these are some of my thoughts on your story, i hope it helps.
Joliekiller, paladin on a crusade against (almost) all evil.
