Gale is funny on purpose and crazy powerful. His story is far fetched, but the overall plot isn't that grounded in the first place. Though he could be less picky with magic item consumption, he has the most interesting arc in the evil playthrough. He matches my penchant for uncovering secrets. Rating : 5 out of 5 void bubbles.
Wyll is funny despite himself. His bravado is amusing and he matches my in-game instinct to murder baddies and save their victims. Winner of the worst kept secret award. The true mystery is how he finds himself training young tieflings so quickly after the nautiloïd crash. Rating : 4 out of 5 eyeballs.
Lae'zel is funny looking, which isn't a big deal except when she suggests sexual intercourse. (Doesn't her kind lay eggs or something?) That aside, she's the only one with a plan for the tadpole, which she will readily point out as aggravatingly as possible. Although she matches my desire to have a melee combatant in the party, she's the main reason I play with the sound off. Rating : 3 out of 5 random apostrophes.
Shadowheart isn't funny. She will show up in the story no matter what the player does short of brutal murder. Completely outclassed by Gale, her only function is to carry around the MacGuffin and scowl the whole time. She could be advantageously replaced by a back-pack with a frowny face painted on. Rating : 1 out of 5 dud reveals.
Astarion can eat a bag of garlic. It's not that anyone can hide as a bonus action, or pick locks with ease, or generally drink his milkshake. It's the camp scene during the tiefling party where he calls the wine cheap swill. Shove off, man! Five days ago you tried to slit my throat, and now you criticize the free booze I give you to celebrate an epic battle in which you took no part?! Rating : 0 out of 5 "vampires suck" jokes.
