I don't largely disagree with you that there could stand to be better distrustful interactions. (Though I don't agree that the rest of the group is obviously suspicious: if someone's meeting your party for the first time, the only person they'll obviously be suspicious of is Lae'zel. Yes, ALL the party members have dark sides, but the rest of them [vampirism, consorting with demons, Shar worship, and Gale's...um...condition] are 'reveals' that even the PC doesn't know about for a while. If we're talking about reactions based on initial appearances, people would actually see Elf, Half-Elf, Human, Human [Hey, it's the Blade of Frontiers!], and a Gith.)
Where I do disagree is the suggestion that this requires a reinvention of the game. What Larian appears to be doing extraordinarily well (though the jury's still out on later-game impacts) is creating an 'evil' path for proceeding through the game, which is really rare to see done well. Evil characters are tough to RP in traditional RPGs because the plot lines are fundamentally heroic. The reasons for a self-interested evil character to go after the Iron Throne, or to chase Irenicus to Spellhold, are pretty thin, to use a couple BG examples. This is, in part, because the more impactful 'choice' a game permits, the harder it is for later chapters to account for the impact of all the possible array of choices it permitted earlier on while still progressing the plot in a satisfying way. (So, in BG2, you can get help from the Thieves Guild, OR the 'other' guild...and you get a couple of different quests and a few different dialogue impacts, but ultimately those divergent options bring you back to the same place pretty quickly.)
But in BG3, these substantive game options ARE there - of fighting the druids instead of the goblins, etc. - and it seems to me that your complaint is more in the nature of the NPC interactions, and not the substantive game options that flow from those interactions. (As to Minthara using the PC as an infiltrator because the druids trust the PC...well, firstly, the 'trust' only really needs to be giving access, which isn't a high burden; and secondly, even if you were banned from the grove for some reason, add a couple lines of dialogue and a modest amount of code, and suddenly you're joining the goblin army outside the grove to attack it from the outside, for essentially the same battle but from a different position. Or, heck, it's not like the front gate is the only way into the grove...)
Should it be harder for a Drow to earn trust in the grove? Sure. But meaningfully making that shift would mostly require a few things: Different dialogue; changing existing (if currently underutilized) game mechanics like reputation; and maybe some different minor side quests. My key point is that what you're asking for actually isn't all that big of an ask, in the overall scheme of the way Larian has approached this project.
