As being a simp is truly hard work, here is how you can better yourself:
-- has your target ever chased any former friends away?
Well, it's on sight! Beat them up regularly for 800 years.
-- think you're ugly? Master shape shifting to the point no one knows what you look like.
-- Bored? Crafting some 10 thousand statues is fine. (They must all be of the target)
-- don't accept any friends, ever. Underlings and people who owe you money are okay.
However, it's better you only tolerate people who help you achieve your goals, such as: undermining the heavens. Crafting a massive spy network, and being extremely fashionable! Any other human relationship is a distraction and should only be a means to an end. Like you are a means to an end.
This is very good real life advice. You should have a podcast.
Thanks! I kept some of the truly next level techniques to myself, such as:
-- parting because they asked to see your true face? Hand over your soul to cheer them up. Say it's something small to keep for fun.
-- making them believe you're hanging onto spooky unlife for someone else. Rendering you completely unavailable.
-- accepting any and all alternative explanations for why that wasn't a kiss. (Including, but not limited to: making sure you're alive, transferring air, and stealing spiritual energy to possess another body).
-- in case of rejection, kill yourself.
