@Niara: though I agree with your conclusion about the phrase “Charmed, I’m sure”, I’m baffled by the reasoning.
Originally Posted by Niara
A comedy where it was meant as such as the focal joke of the media is more of a proof that, outside of that, it was not taken to be so.
By this logic, no-one in the nineties would take the phrase “Dead and Married” to be a joke outside of the context of that one sitcom. In fact, the existence of that sitcom would be proof that the phrase “Dead and Married” isn’t a joke? I don’t get it at all.
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"I'm sure that you mean well" is another modern form of a similar usage - and it's not sarcastic or insulting. It's usually used in a sincere attempt to be polite and understanding without accepting the point or stance wholesale. I can be use sarcastically or in condescension, but that's on the person using it, not any innate implication in the phrase.
That was so confusing to me I had to check the definition of condescension: it’s the fact of treating someone in an apparently helpful or kind way while betraying feelings of superiority. (Ok that’s the definition of patronizing, but that word came up in defining condescension, and defining a big word with another big word isn’t really helpful).
That’s precisely the intent behind the phrase “I’m sure you mean well”. The speaker is saying they know both what’s in their counterpart’s heart and the correct course of action for the situation (how arrogant!) all the while sweetly damning with faint praise (sure, kiddo, you did your best). I’d be hard pressed to find a more patronizing phrase. You see that now, I’m sure.
Jokes aside, maybe our diverging interpretations are due to cultural differences, such as a different baseline expectation of frankness and directness. Or maybe it’s one of those idioms whose meaning no longer matches the actual words, like “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. Interesting to think about, probably wildly off topic.
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In short, I'm sure you mean well, but I sincerely disagree. ^.~
On a personal note, I’d rather be slapped in the face than be told I mean well. At least then the pain would distract from the humiliation.
Edit: spoke to some native english speakers and they agree with you, Niara, about both “Charmed I’m sure” & “I’m sure you mean well”. The view was nice from atop my high horse… you shouldn’t be so sure that I mean well ^^
Back on topic, Gale doesn’t seem super charmed by Tav on first meeting, suggesting his bark is sarcastic. But I’ve been playing Bg3 on a potato, so maybe the performance of the actors didn’t really come accross.
