I think the thing that gets in my craw mechanically is that as you point out, a non-standard wizard will always be behind from the start of a campaign to pretty much the end, which few campaigns reach anyway.
This says it all.
People want to min/max, not for the character role, but because they don't want to feel like they're behind. It's not the role playing so much as it's the roll playing.
You say that like the to aren't inherently connected. They are. Pretend all you want but the stats and roleplaying are inherently linked. Not just for combat, but for everything. Acknowledging that isn't min-maxing. I find the idea of class dipping like sorcadin or sorlocks pointless and tedious. I don't use charts or plan builds. My favorite class and subclass are archfey pact of the blade warlock, which based on what I've been able to learn in D&D circles is considered a weak subclass and pact boon. I like it because I think fairies and swords are cool. Again, there's a difference between min-maxing and being aware of the numbers and how they affect things.
As to the people commenting on my outlier spiel, I admit I don't know Forgotten Realms lore. All I know of it comes from the player's guide, a bit of the DM manual and a bit of Xanathar's guide. So maybe that's why I don't hold much regard for the lore. I've been under the impression for years that the intent, explicit or not from the core rules is that you're "meant" to create your own setting, and all the flavour stuff is there just as a baseline. And it's a baseline that's really never grabbed me if I'm honest.
