You just very cleanly demonstrated my earlier point about equating "caring about the numbers" with min-maxing. Again, to me min-maxing is milking every aspect of the system to maximise relevant stats. Not saying "I want to be a wizard with high intelligence." Because there is a vast gulf between those two things. In the interest of having a fruitful discussion, how would you describe min-maxing? I don't want to be arguing against an imaginary version of your argument.
Min/maxing is somewhat like pornography, in that I know it when I see it.
If I had to offer a definition, I'd say it exists on a spectrum of optimization. It begins with: the character dictates an optimized main stat. That alone rules out a ton of potential character concepts.
The min/maxing becomes more pronounced as other key stats are played with. A dump stat is picked based on how useful that stat is mechanically. And other stats are raised for their mechanical value. As opposed to assigning the stats based on the character imagined.
Feats are weighed and balanced based on effectiveness as opposed to character personality.
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And character personality is tricky. Some folks will inevitably say, "But my character's personality is that he wants to be great at spellcasting, so he picks stuff to be great at spellcasting, and he naturally happened to be gifted in that area."
Okay, sure. But if your whole character concept is "greatness" with a dump stat to stand in for a "flaw" then you might be min/maxing.
Which came first, the stats or the concept?
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Have you ever been in a DnD game when the DM gave you some downtime? And then the players start saying things like, "I spend my time training!"
That's great, but it's also one of those things that's easier said than done. It's like a New Year's Resolution. Plenty of folks make them, but not very many keep them. In a game, it's easy to say your character is that dedicated, but it often comes across as unrealistic and thus flat and one dimensional.
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So, again, I'd say that min/maxing is really just a spectrum of optimization. Some min/maxing is at the intense end of the spectrum and some is lighter.
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All of that said, I don't think there's anything wrong with min/maxing. I really like doing well in combat. I have fun with the combats.
I also like the roleplaying. Sometimes I min/max, and sometimes I don't. Both ways are fine in my book.
And for what it's worth, I find min/maxing especially understandable in a video game setting when you're playing against an AI.
