No... Just no. This sounds like a VERY extreme cope to me. Because from what I read here it makes no damn difference if you do something "evil" or not and is in fact not evil in the first place and shoving more tadpoles into your head makes NO difference. Correct me if I'm wrong on that one. That is disappointing honestly.
It's really not any form of coping. I get that you don't get it - but for people who do roleplay their characters - it doesn't matter if the world rewards you or not - you are following a philosophy that is rooted in your being. The world isn't going to reward only good people and punish evil people. Art imitates life and life doesn't work that way.
Look, you need rewards to feel validated. Which means you don't have a moral outlook that guides you. You are guided by self-interest - and or pragmatism - which some people refer to as "evil"*. It's a very common outlook and is probably in the majority.
If being good and wise was easy everyone would do it. My advice is just embrace what you are and follow it to its conclusion. It's not like you have a choice. *shrug*
* No judgement here, I honestly don't believe the term is helpful. Pragmatism is a necessity for survival.
