so small update, we trued playnig again today stil the same issue HOWEVER we had a nother friend let them try to join the session we started ( that i hosted) and she was able to join it so the save file is defonatly not the issue, we then tried joining my other friends game who i playd originaly wiht and neither of us could join, then she tried and he couldedn join first as we where both loading in i got in but he couldend. thus we did a final test letting him join first and then me .
and gues what that worked.
we wil see what the next session brings but this might be a stupid thought but what if its a NAT type thing ?
NAT 2 and 3 are the once with the most issues aparently and NAT 1 is more recomended for online multiplayer.
then again switching that just for one game and not knowing if its a 100% fix might not be worth the risk of lower connection security ( depending on how its done)
thought id update everyone about this
