One example: The haarlep encounter. The dialogue even gives you an apparent option as to what you ‘want’ (male, female, or R), BUT if you’re playing a strong female tav, you’ll get a very awkward couple of minutes of a man rubbing his taint on your tav’s pelvis.
The Harleep scene is made for bodies with a penis clearly. It doesn't matter if the body is muscular or not, has a penis or not, Harleep does ride Tav in a weird way during that scene. I played a "slim" female drow with a vag and the scene played the same way you describe.
About the rest of the points you make, I completely agree. I did enjoy my muscular Tav picking up Astarion during one of those scenes, but there should be an option about that in the game.
