100%. I think a lot of this can be chalked up to wonky dialogue and lack of clarity before engaging in a relationship and like you said lack of discussion after. If his intentions were made clear it wouldn't feel like a lack of agency as much because you would know before even sleeping with him. (Sorry for the long post)

Example of wonky dialogue. (Spoilers for his romance dialogue, it's being quoted directly)
(romance initiation dialogue)
H: Some treat their relationships like a walled garden - tidy, tamed, cut off from the world. That is their right, but it is not for me. I do as nature does, and let my heart run wild. Desire flourishes wherever it find purchase.
H: Now we will have each other, but not just each other. Our hearts are free to roam, together or apart, as nature designed.
(post romance dialogue)
H: Relationship? Such terms belong to civilization - a little unfamiliar to my lips. You know what we share is more fluid, more founded in the principles of nature.

But then he said this (romance initiation dialogue when asked if he believe in monogamy)
H: It has its place, but it is not for me. The wolf mates for life, but the bear roams free and partners as its instinct dictates. I need to stay true to my nature, and you to yours. Perhaps you are like me, or perhaps not.

How is his way "more founded in nature" and "as nature designed" when he admits in the same conversation that wolves mate for life? There are plenty of species in nature that mate for life or stay in long term partnerships. I wish he had a better reasoning than "because nature bro". Literally every single time he brings up not being monogamous in some form it's followed by this which I didn't even realize until I went to watch his dialogue on youtube for this comment. If you don't ask him if he believe in monogamy you will not hear the line about his bear 'nature' only that it's how nature works period. I also want to add in his beginning lines in the romance initiation dialogue.

H: I have lived a very long time. I have taken many lovers. My heart does not stir lightly. But it does now.
H: But tell me I'm wrong, and the matter can rest. I do not wish to sour our friendship, but I have to know if it can be something more.

Now if you did not ask him about monogamy AND you are in a romance with someone else the only dialogue you will have is these lines that imply more than being casual and his vague lines about nature.

As far as I know (correct me if I'm wrong) this dialogue ONLY triggers when you are not in an active relationship.
H: If we do this, I need you to understand exactly what I do not ask of you: I will not ask you to dedicate yourself to me. I roam as nature wills me to, and your heart remains your own. I just wish to share in it.

There's at least wayyyy more clarity here than in any of the other dialogue hands down imo (although I still think it could be worded better personally). Only triggers under certain circumstances.

Example of dialogue that I would have liked, totally written by an english major btw:
I am a bear, bears are not monogamous, I would be unhappy being monogamous, I can't be in an romantic relationship with you but we can still enjoy this while it lasts. Still wanna bang?

And as for SH, why are they hitting on each other through the player? Even barring him doing it if you reject him, I take issue with him talking about wanting to bang someone else right before we sleep together, he could have kept that to himself for a conversation or two.