@Necrofkz (OP) (Major Spoilers - I realize you have already done at least one playthrough, but just in case)
So I had resisted a Dark Urge playthrough for quite awhile. In short (even though it's just a game) the great script, voice acting and most importantly MOCAP brought characters to life in a way that few games have (Mass Effect, Dragon Age Origin etc). So there was a certain reality to the druid grove for me that made it difficult to contemplate running them through having saved them and befriended them previously.
Nonetheless I gave it a shot. And while this isn't a Durge conversation, so far it's very well executed. But to the point, Minthara. And as others have said, as long as you're okay missing the sex scene (probably the more graphically depicted of all of them save Halsin), you can just wait until Act 2 to romance her. But if you want that sex scene, read on.
As you explore the Minthara character's motivations following her rescue in Moonrise Towers, you realize that she is complex, just like 'your' character in the Durge. Except with Durge you have this other persona if you will that you can't control without a lot of hard work, in Minthara's case the Absolute basically intoxicated her, and brought to the surface 'her' urges that she otherwise 'is' able to control. While Minthara hasn't taken accountability for the lives she snuffed out while in the Absolute's thrall, (she's not a moral person even without the Absolute), she's not a genocidal maniac at the core.
At the time of the Druid Grove massacre, she's very much under the sway of the Absolute. While you were attacking the grove, she definitely wanted the carnage, the real Minthara (protected by the Prism and free of the Absolute's influence) does not value wanton killing and even goes so far as to say the Drow Goddess Lolth will purge Chaotic Evil murderers from the drow ranks because they are liabilities. So our storylines sort of move in tandem, she just got free of her urges first because hers were driven by an external force whereas my character's are internal.
Minthara is not a good person. She has a very limited moral compass, but she does have a strong ethical compass if that makes sense. I don't believe the character story is as deep as say Lae'zel or Shadowheart, but her character (who she is) would preclude the possibility of avoiding that genocide unless you were able to insulate her from the Absolute's influence right away (which Larian won't let you do in the game's current state). It would not be authentic to her personality. And while I understand that it would be really cool to have cake and eat it too by not snuffing out the grove & romancing Minthara, the story would break in believability. So if Larian does anything to change this, it would have to be 'that.'
As a side note, the Durge character has a code. No harming kids, no harming animals, and no lying. So telling the brutal truth in dialogues has gotten me some fights I could have otherwise avoided. But I deliberately (at the grove) told all the Fletcher kids to stay underground and they agreed. I stayed away from there in the attack. The next day I go down to check on them and saw two goblins in there bragging about decimating the lot. And from an RP standpoint, a durge character faced with a cult that slaughters children, my character's guiding light? You can imagine the justification that will ensue for pretty much any heinous act against the cult or their allies that occurs for the rest of the game.
