Larian Studios Forums Baldur's Gate III Baldur's Gate III - Story & Character Discussion Astarion romance - asexual route

For a game that's big on representation, I'm a bit disappointed about the fact that there's no asexual route to take here. Especially when we have a very clear contender for this kind of relationship.

Astarion expresses how he can't enjoy sex and how his trauma has affected his sexuality etc. We do have this very sweet option to tell him that "maybe what he needs is a friend and not a lover". He reacts very fondly to this idea and all seems well. However, that's essentially the same thing as breaking up with him because it ends the romance. Why? Why not just add an asexual option here?

Maybe what Astarion needs is more than a friend, but not sex? Let Tav be that person for him.

If you didn't know, sex isn't the only thing that makes for a loving relationship. And to make it so, especially for a character who's essentially traumatized by sex, just feels wrong. Let him love Tav without sex having to be on the table.

Please

"We can be together without sleeping together, for as long as you need" is right there.

I think an asexual route for him would be good, but it should start already in the beginning. You can tell he is manipulating you or trying to. Here I would like an option to kiss his cheek and say "I care for you, but you don't feel the same."

And then from then on he will still confess to falling in love with you later, and you can go all the way to the end as asexual or demi-sexual.

It is unfortunately clear that we are a group of representation that has seriously been neglected as every romance is so heavy in sex.

Even romances like Halsin's that starts as a slow burn, turns into a kink fest.

I wish they had been more sensitive to people who are not driven by sex, but intimate emotional connection.

That sounds like friendzoning him, with extra steps.

It keeps the romance and doesn't ignore his trauma and pansexuality.

It's there, yes, but it makes no real difference to choose it. There's no sleeping together until the graveyard scene either way. And if you reject his advances at the graveyard he gets a bit disappointed.

What I want is an asexual route where there's emotional intimacy rather than physical. And I think Astarion is a great companion for this.

Also "For as long as YOU need" says Tav will be waiting for him until HE's ready. I want a scenario where Tav isn't just waiting for Astarion to "get back to normal". I want a relationship where the relationship success isn't based on them sleeping together. Normalize being ace too, and let Tav be ace/demi and find a partner without the pressure of sex.

Astarion's not a good choice for an ace relationship because he as a character is not ace. Part of his whole deal is reclaiming his body and sexuality for himself.

I agree that it's disappointing that there are no ace options at all though.

Sure, but physical intimacy still makes him uncomfortable at this point in the game, which would make him a good candidate to focus more on the emotional aspects of a relationship with. As of now it feels like he's pressuring himself to "bounce back" a little too fast, possibly even to please Tav. And ace doesn't necessarily mean complete absence of sex either. I just think it would fit to take it more slowly and build emotional connection before engaging in physical intimacy. Which also includes saying no to the initial invitation to sex in a way that doesn't break the romance.

With a lack of other companions to pick for this, Astarion is sort of the most logical choice for an ace/demi romance from the companions we do have (in my opinion). Possibly Wyll too from what I've seen of him, but I haven't even romanced him in the game to really know what he's about. Just find him so incredibly boring unfortunately.

...I don't know how I feel about this.

On the one hand, Astarion reclaiming his own agency over his sexuality is a big moment for him. The graveyard is clearly a big step for him and he politely asks you for it so he definitely has sexual urges, they just haven't been used for intimacy in a long long time.

But then, even after all of that, if you pursue the drow scene, they say he's disassociated from that moment and becoming detached which means they very realistically don't expect he'd be okay jumping back in with both feet (still detest not having the option to pull him out of that once your Tav notices that).

All of this leads me to believe that, while clearly traumatized, that doesn't mean Astarion is asexual/demi. And that him taking steps to work through his trauma involves learning to enjoy sex again. It isn't an identity he has, it's a step toward healing.

Overall, I'd say he wouldn't be the best candidate...but being that I'm not asexual/demi myself, I might not understand all of it completely.

I honestly thought the best candidate for this was Halsin. He's lived many lifetimes, had many lovers, but made it clear it doesn't hold the same appeal it once did. He marks you as a romantic partner but insinuates that he won't pursue anything further unless his responsibilities are taken care of. Even a lot of asexual examples exist in nature that he could draw from.
But they took him in the completely opposite direction which seemed tone-deaf to me especially considering he tried to rope Astarion or Shadowheart into it...
If this wasn't the case, Halsin would be a great option in my opinion.

I agree with all of this, but I would like the option for not to sleep with to not actually be until the end at the graveyard. You can even call him out in act one as him lying, so it seems a little odd that you just have to jump into bed with him. I personally head cannon that my Tav recognises that he needs it for control, and finds herself comfortable with giving him that space of feeling that.


I don't think Astrarion is asexual (he could be demi, but thats hard to tell through all the trauma). I think the question of an asexual romance is more about Tav being able to be demi or ace, which is an option not a single romance offers.

Halsin was my bet for it as well, and for the two first acts that seemed entirely the case. Then in act 3 he turned into a character I no longer recognised.

My only gripe with the graveyard scene is the dialog options before he offers "a night of passion". It's like Tav/Durge suddenly loses their last brain cell.

Act 3 did not do any favors to a number of characters because someone decided to spend time on kinky scenes instead of actual narrative.

He's like the horniest party member (he's constantly flirting with you) aside from Katlach, Lae'Zel and Halsin, personally Gale and Wyll seem more susceptible to being ace due to being more of a slow burn already, sorry but Astartion being ace just seems about out of character as Luke Skywalker being a lonely nephew murdering hermit, personally I would recommend making Halsin ace, since the guy clearly already needs a massive rewrite, from what I've heard so far, or maybe clone Astarion with a DLC companion called Acestarion, I mean being the clone of an already traumatised vampire, just adds an extra layer to angst.

Astarion is not ace, no. But with the amount of trauma he has and him admitting to using sex as a tool - one he is actually disgusted by - I think he might be too traumatized to actually know what his sexuality is at this point. There is an argument to be made for demi, but with the amount of trauma that's hard.

But, Tav can be demi or ace and still be attracted to Astarion. And given his story arc, I actually see the possibility of this being implemented.

Ideally I thought Halsin a good candidate for demi and ace representation - obviously his writer disagreed.

Shadowheart romance is heavy in sex? Maybe you have a different game edition to me, kissing isn't sex, swimming nude isn't sex.

In act 3 it becomes so very much, yes. Especially with Halsin in thje mix - whether you want him involved or not.

Ok, so I saw this thread and as an asexual person myself I could not ignore it since it does hit hard, especially when you know that certain companion can have a totally "asexual vibing" choices when they romance Astarion in the first act scene without having sex with him(!)... it made me so frustrated that custom Tav(or other origins) was bared from that choice and experience just to make that companion somewhat more special... That being said I have some more comments. ^^"


While I agree that it's here and it is good to have it as opposed to not have it entirely... it also have a terrible timing and inconsequential place in the storyline which made it a little bland. Tav should have an option to call [you know what] on Astarion's behaviour in act 1, especially after the scene with insight check passed and they should've been able to tell it to him sooner and then later in that particular scene this choice should be reinforcement of previous statements. That way it would hold even more value for Astarion's character and story; the same way it works for "this is a gift, you know" or "that's what you want, isn't it? To be mine".


I'm sorry to say it, but this is a really wrong thing to write. To the contrary - I feel like a relationship with an asexual might be the one that would let him heal on his own peace. Aces on the black end of spectrum don't feel sexual attraction to others but they can still have a really different attitude towards being involved sexually with others, that have nothing common with sexual orientation. They could form a really healthy and warm relationships with allosexual people. Everything comes to talking things and the needs out and coming to agreements on certain topics. While I see problems that could arise with sex-negative ace in relationship with Astarion, I personally think he would be really happy with sex-positive asexual person. Especially(and I'm quite shocked no one mentioned it before) since he himself says those lines during the act 2 scene:and This perspective is what he really have in common with most asexual people and what makes him somewhat connected to them... also probably why most people mistake him for ace ironically. That being said while Astarion is not asexual, he is sex-repulsed.

What I always found quite funny about those discussions regarding Astarion is that his actor confirmed that our vampire is pansexual. Do You guys know what pansexuals and asexuals have in common? You might not believe me but like really a loooot aces had a time in their life when they considered themselves pansexual or just thought about it while they searched for their own label. There are like tons of questions on the internet asking "Am I asexual or pansexual?" Those two labels are like two crime partners eating garlic bread in the corner of a room at the party and talking about someone like:
- That one is hot! - Munching on the bread.
- Like a statue of Apollo I would put on my desk and watch all day... - munch also.
- Oh, me too! - munch with more energy, mumbling "yeah, just watching..."


This post made me smile so much, why? Putting aside that You can flirt with people without being sexually interested in them and coming back to the start of my post - because that one companion that have the most asexual vibing interaction with Astarion during his act 1 romance scene is that freakin Spoiler warning for those who don't want to know more to not read the later part.

I see your points, that a framework might be there for an ace option and that he says things that might hint towards that direction.

However, and this is based on my experience romancing him a couple times just to get different dialogue options, when he's the most honest with you, it really does seem he's hinting more at being demi/pan than ace.

His whole thing is that he has no agency or choice over his actions. His body is used for someone else's gain and so sex becomes a second nature to him and as a result, holds significant trauma over his life. This is grounds for it holding no appeal for him which could open the ace route.

However, he explains that in the beginning of his tasks to seduce people, he enjoyed it. He explained he thought it would be fun having sex with people all the time and that for a time, it was. But he slowly realized he was being abused with no option to fight back.

This speaks less to a person who doesn't want sex/doesn't have sexual urges and more to a person that is sexually traumatized and that, at this point, needs a more emotional connection to enjoy sex and have it be on his terms. That's why he might be more demi than ace, in my opinion.

That doesn't mean he couldn't benefit from someone who's asexual helping him through his trauma but I don't think he'd think it was romantic unless there was an element of them helping him enjoy sex on his own terms again.

Because sex is clearly important to him. He just doesn't know how to do it without it being for manipulation.

Yes, I see what you mean, and I agree. I don't think that Astarion is ace either, but I'm thinking more of Tav here.

What I mean is that if my Tav is ace/demi, there's no route to take here. All that matters in the relationships in the game is sex, more or less.

Apparently there's no intimate scene with Wyll, so, I suppose he might be a better choice for this, but I don't really like poor Wyll so I haven't tried that romance yet, and therefore can't say anything about it (yet).

But, what I was missing in the game was an option where I as a player was able to romance someone without it focusing on physical intimacy. And, that's why I found Astarion to be somewhat of a good choice considering he clearly needs time to deal with his SA trauma and he also needs to have a deep emotional bond to want to have sex (good route here obv.). This means that Astarion, at the time, sort of comes across as somewhat demisexual (even if it's trauma induced).

So having the option to romance him without the sex, and instead focusing more on emotional connection, would cater to ace/demi players without ruining anything about Astarion's character. I mean, he even acknowledge the fact himself that he and Tav "haven't...in a while" when you talk to him about Halsin coming on to you etc. So they are already sort of having a relationship without sex, it wouldn't be a stretch to keep it that way for a little longer. As much as I like the graveyard scene for example, there could have been an option there to just hold him.

So having the option with Astarion to be close without sex would in my opinion be a decent compromise to represent ace/demi when there's no chance at all of having a new romance option that would fit this role.

Edit to clarify: Now, sure, at some point Astarion will probably get back to his old self and will want physical intimacy in a way that would probably not suit an ace Tav. But I mean, in my world that would happen after the game, possibly long after, and whatever happened after the end isn't really something I tend to bother myself with. Maybe they break up after a couple of years or something, what do I know. I just don't want to force my Tav to sleep with the one she loves in order to keep them as a partner. Sex isn't everything that makes it a romantic relationship (at least not for some)

Fair point, I agree with a lot of what you said.

At the very least, there should be an option for Tav to be ace and have a purely emotionally intimate relationship.

I don't know that it makes 100% sense with Astarion just given that, as you pointed out, there would likely be a future where he needs confident and comfortable sex but, they have a plethora of other characters that could benefit from this.

And that's not to say I think that, if you could identify as ace, that you can't romance Astarion. It's just that so much of his romance is centered around his trauma around sex that the non-sexual intimacy might not come up enough even though it should.

But like I said, I think Halsin would be a natural option. I think Karlach and Wyll would be great too. Karlach has some sexual trauma as well but she seems completely content having a purely emotional connection. I know Wyll kind of sucks (I legit find him so boring) but there should be enough emotionally fulfilling moments with him to really establish a good ace relationship.

Just wanted to say I totally agree that I wish there was an ace/demi option for the start of the romance like a certain origin character can have. It was difficult to headcanon myself into making my character ready to jump into bed with him (though she is a Durge so I figured with her memory issues she just thought "this is something I must do, right? . . . maybe not").


I don't really see Astarion as ace, but a more ace/demi-friendly romance with him or anyone would have been nice.