I've read through this whole thread and after seeing these two comments I found the real issue. Stereotyping.
"Astarion IS gay end of discussion" has been said in one way or another all over the internet and it's a problem. Declaring Astarion gay shows your asses. Not only can you not wrap your brains around bisexuals existing outside of a binary presentation but you have a some lesbophobia and homophobia to work through too. coding ? pure stereotypes. Making a post about Astarion (quotes from discussions elsewhere but relevant here) "not really being bi/pan", "is gay-coded", and/or "how weird it is to see him be romanced by feminine Tavs", then you should really expect people to get upset and accuse you of being bi/pan phobic because that is literally bi/pan erasure.
It doesn't matter that Astarion is theatrical or that he shares his history about two specific men from his past. That doesn't change the fact that he is canonically pansexual. He flirts with just about everyone in the party, including Shadowheart and Lae'zel, and can potentially sleep with Lae'zel if neither are romanced. He flirts with Tav, regardless of what gender identity they are.
If it's weird for you that people who play as feminine characters would romance Astarion instead of someone more "straight presenting" like Gale, for an example (which is dumb, too, he's also bi/pan), then that sounds more like a personal problem that you should definitely work through.
Please understand basic queer stereotypes and how they are evidently rooted in hetero-normativity and not “queer culture”.
“The tall muscular woman must be a lesbian for no reason other than her physical appearance and the over-dramatic pretty man must be gay because how could he be frivolous and also like women? Only big strong stoic men can be attracted to women.”
You hear how that sounds, right? “But Astarion liked a guy! He’s gay!” Congratulations, you discovered pansexuality.
Accusing Larian of misrepresenting a pansexual character as pansexual is... well, a choice.
I disagree, obviously. You call it stereotyping, I call it the writing of the character.
As for the "expectation" that I should be called somethingphobe... I do not expect that. In fact, I'd argue that it's an unnecessary insult. In fairness, though, it doesn't bother me to be called names. I just wanted to point it out as an insult for sake of keeping the discussion positive, if possible.
