Act One

Guardian: Hi, I'm your guardian.
Tav: Who are you?
Guardian: That's not important. We're friends.
Tav: Okay, friend. Tell me about something.
Guardian: I'm so glad we're friends!
Tav: Yeah, fine, whatever. But, what's up with the thing?
Guardian: We're totes besties!
Tav: Skip dialogue.

Tav: Dang, I rolled a one.
Guardian: TRY SOMETHING ELSE!
Tav: Shut up.

Guardian: Don't go to the Githyanki.
Tav: Uh, yes I will.
Guardian: Don't go to the Githyanki.
Tav: Uh, yes I will.
Guardian: DON"T DO IT!
Tav: Die, tadpole scum.
Guardian: Whohee, I tricked you! Bye.
Tav: Okay, bye.
Guardian: I'm glad you came to your senses.

Act Two
Emperor: You are so brave, I'm gl;ad we're totes besties.
Tav: Did you forget I stabbed you?
Emperor: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm gonna take a break while you do shadow stuff.
Tav: Thank the gods.

Emperor: Look, it's me the Guardian! With tentacles on my face! We're totes besties! Fight these Gith!
Tav: Why?
Emperor: They're trying to break out Orpheus!
Tav: Yeah, but don't they need some special McGuffin for that or something? Can they just punch the magic glass? Does that work?
Emperor: Fight the Gith, we are totes besties!

Game: Okay, we're two thirds through the game. It is now totally the time to make a decision. Side with Emperor or Githyanki?
Tav: GITHYANKI!

Game: Okay, we're two thirds through the game. It is now totally the time to make a decision. Side with Emperor or Githyanki?
Tav: Githyanki?

Game: Okay, we're two thirds through the game. It is now totally the time to make a decision. Side with Emperor or Githyanki?
Tav: Fine. Emperor. Dammit.

Emperor: Yay! We're totes besties!
Tav: Skip Dialogue.

Act Three
Emperor: You should totally check out my soup recipe.
Tav: Why?
Emperor: It's what Totes Besties do!
Tav: Fine, whatever.

Emperor: You know why we're totes besties?
Tav: You're going to tell me, aren't you?
Emperor: Because I don't mind control you like my old friends!

Emperor: Yeah, I killed the good dragon.
Tav: Dammit, why?
Emperor: He doesn't like Mind Flayers.
Tav: NOBODY DOES!
Emperor: And I also am Balduran, but we'll never mention that ever again, because that really makes no sense.
Tav: Oh, ffs. Skip Dialogue.

Emperor: Hey. Let's dream-bang. I already have my shirt off.
Tav: WTF, NO..
Emperor: There's an achievement.....
Tav: GTFO. No bears, no squids, leave me alone.
Emperor: YOU ARE MY SLAVE, MORTAL
Tav: I'm gonna kill you.



Emperor: I want freedom for me and oppose the Grand Design!
Orpheus: I want freedom for my people, oppose the Grand Design!
Emperor: No, don't side with that guy, he's a Githyanki, he hates Illithid!
Tav: Yeah but, look....
Emperor: He will kill you!
Tav: He might not!
Emperor: Then I will join the Grand Design!
Tav: Huh? Why? Just, wait and see what he says.
Emperor: No! You are stupid and I want to be with my Mind Flayer buddies now!
Tav: Draw steel, squid.
Emperor: Whoopsie, nope, gonna portal out now.

Orpheus: *Why didn't you free me sooner?*
Tav: Oh, ffs. *THE GAME WOULDN'T LET ME*
Orpheus: You made all the wrong decisions!
Tav: I KNOW!

Orpheus: Oh well. Too bad we don't have a Mind Flayer.
Tav: I don't care anymore. Just let me fight stuff now.

Fear my wrath, for it is great indeed.