I apologize, I'm writing through google-translator, but I really wanted to comment on the really unique game experience I had (I never thought that the game could do such a thing). There will be many spoilers in the text, including about the endings of the game, so if you haven't played the game yet, it's better to refrain from reading it.
The romance with Astarion pulls you over to the "dark side". And its "officially good" ending, like a revolver at the temple, makes you rework all your problems with selfish vulnerability more effectively than any psychologist. Purely personal opinion, long text, spoilers.
My torment with Astarion began with a phrase in the diary that appears after completing his personal quest (if you talk him out of the ritual): "Astarion's fate is sealed. He will remain a spawn for the rest of his days." Astarion himself also talks about never seeing the sun again. Somehow, I truly believed that if we refused the ritual, Astarion's story would continue and a cure for vampirism could be found, and Daliria's diary seemed to hint at that. I immediately replayed and helped Astarion ascend, a gorgeous ascension scene, and then... The pain, the heart-wrenching injustice, the resentment... I don't understand why the Tav doesn't have a single adequate line in that kneeling scene, even after passing the test? "Open your consciousness" is the most begging option, in Tav's place that's the only thing that seems possible in such a situation. I believe that if there were an opportunity to somehow show Astarion how you feel, he would have behaved differently. Then I couldn't bear it, the desire to get through the game without spoilers became irrelevant in the face of such a serious problem. I found detailed descriptions with companions' lines and Tav's behavior, video of Astarion's "good" ending (without Ascension). This is the kind of ending that just zeroes in on the whole game for me, that I would never want to see in my playthrough. I just hated the rest of the companions, whom I once considered friends and strived to make things as good as possible for them. Now I just wanted to smack each and every one of these scoundrels in the face with a gauntlet who felt entitled to laugh at Astarion's pain. For me, as a player who understood and truly loved Astarion, who had this character became the center of the entire game world, all the former sincere love and admiration for the world of Baldur at that moment simply changed to hatred for all others that will be happy to live and see the sun. The rest of the plot became specifically not cared about, something like a temporary illusion, you can imagine that everything is good and interesting, but at the end, it will turn out to be a lie. I didn't play a "good" character on purpose, I just immersed myself in this world as in life, I wanted to admire it, take care of it, help others if possible. And even it worked out well, before the ritual of Astarion only once I had to look at the game information, when Orin kidnapped a companion, and so natural playing with full immersion. I knew about Astarion, that he refuses a lot of people, but I didn't read any guides on principle, I wanted to play realistically without hints. I decided that if he is so harmful, constantly disapproves of my actions, then it will not work, but okay... And then the bite, the fight with Gandrell, heartbreaking dialog with Astarion, after which very much want to protect him, to help him, and then he suddenly offers you a night of love, and you do not even believe it, because all these events occur literally one after another, and just a couple of days ago he yelled at you "Why are you looking at me?". It's like an explosion, literally. And the sea of tenderness and love that comes over you after the confession scene in the second act is hard to describe. It feels like you're holding his wounded heart in your hands, holding it as gently as you can, and there's nothing more precious in the whole world than that. And I'm going to go drinking with these idiots in a tavern in the finale, celebrating some kind of "victory" while Astarion burns? Astarion, who was always with me, who was the only one who never stayed in the camp, but had a statue of him in the camp, Astarion, on whom I always put "gentle protective bonds" and took some of his damage, happy that I had chosen the warrior class and could afford it. Astarion, who became a virtually invulnerable Assassin and ran around the battlefield like a god. Astarion, who could open any trap, any castle, who repeatedly dealt a decisive blow to a boss or pulled off a difficult fight, left alone when everyone else was already lying down, he in this ending looks like some kind of outcast, like an object to be bullied, he is deceived, he is hurt, and he is forced to run away again, hiding from the sun. Is such a world worth fighting for? I felt disgusted with my companions, no longer interested in their fates, and a feeling of helpless rage in general. The only possible way out was to leave the larvae and take control of the Elder Brain (I realize it's pretty stupid, but I was just not psychologically ready to "kneel", and I had read all sorts of "horror stories" about "Astarion becomes an abuser", "Astarion will never respect you again" and other such nonsense). I went through almost the entire Lower City, and it was specifically depressing for me part of the passage, before I read the "evil" ending, where of course, no one will let you do as you want, all companions without exception become slaves of Tav, the meaning in this, of course, no.
Yes, they warned that "romance with Astarion is traumatizing", but that the power of the art would be so great that you'd start having trouble sleeping in real life, constantly forgetting keys/phones/whatever - it was certainly a somewhat unexpected experience. Just quitting the game was hindered by the feeling that by doing so you were betraying Astarion anyway, leaving him a spawn and violating your own principle of "in my world, Astarion will be fine". I decided to endure, to ascend Astarion, to bring him to an adequate ending and to put a stop to it. Then some miracle happened - I didn't have to endure! Already from the first frames of the Ascension ritual I felt a wave of euphoria, my mood skyrocketed. Previously, I was not able to play "evil" characters at all, I just didn't want to dive into this variant in any game. And only now I was able to fully experience the pleasure that people who prefer to play as "evil" probably feel. When you replay the Ascension scene and every time you revel in Kasador's screams, you admire Astarion, because, yeah, that's my Astarion. And no bastard can humiliate him anymore, the world can't hurt him anymore. Nevermore. How after that it's fun to slice Gurts, and some time later - to kill Oblodra and throw the corpse into the sewer (it's delicious to suddenly discover the existence of the "attack" button and thus "correct" your own plot a little). And the night with the Ascendant gives some special bittersweet feeling, and the kneeling scene is no longer perceived as a "knife in the heart" for some unknown reason, but as an act of love and understanding on your part. Unfortunately, a huge trauma (200 years!) cannot pass so easily, so we remember "Veliot's third lesson" about patience and time. And any action (like "kneeling") is just an action in itself, but you are the one who gives meaning to it. And it is the meaning you give to your action that matters, not the people around you, not the rules of society invented by someone, but only you yourself. And then I got from the game a wonderful reward for all the stress I had been through - the rage and bloodlust subside, the world regains its colors, the adventures are exciting, and most importantly, my heart no longer aches for Astarion. And nothing bad happens, no "abjuse" is not felt, Astarion's love is felt, there are heartfelt lines, and looks, and facial expressions. He is livelier, more playful, while the "unascended" Astarion is sadder and seems broken. And, very pleasantly, after Ascension, Astarion finally starts to trust you and doesn't expect betrayal. And you know that he'll be able to enjoy all the pleasures of life, he'll be able to bask in the sun, he'll be able to protect himself, and all those sacrifices, much less your own selfish pride, are more than worth it.
It would be interesting, of course, to understand what is the meaning of such a bad "good ending" of Astarion? Perhaps it means that Astarion is an "evil" character, the world doesn't accept him, and he himself doesn't really like people around him, so he needs strength, otherwise he will turn into a victim. And if the player wants to "warm" Astarion, to surround him with love, to show that there is still good in this world, that it is possible to be happy, going the other way, then by doing so he deceives both Astarion and himself. I sincerely sympathize with those who saw the situation this way and experienced pain and disappointment in the end. And if you deny him Ascension only to keep Astarion "comfortable", dependent, not doing and saying things you don't want to hear, then this is the real abuse, and with such attitude of the player to the character, his bitter ending should not cause any particularly violent reaction. But, in the case of "going to the dark side" and the Ascension of Astarion at the cost of 7000 lives you get with him... Happiness. Aeterna amantes. No "payback for evil done", none of the things I feared simply based on classic literary and game stamps from the series of "you did a good deed - it will be good for you, you did a bad deed - it will be bad". With Astarion, it turns out to be exactly the opposite. And the ritual doesn't change his consciousness, Astarion is like that, he just finally gets to express himself the way he wants to. I've read all the DND information I can find on the Vampire Ascension ritual. Nowhere does it say that he'll "go crazy with power" or anything like that. And Astarion isn't the only one, there are several other Ascended Vampires in the world of Faerűn.
I, of course, fully understand and share the feelings of those who are very dissatisfied with the ending of Astarion without Ascension, but personally for me it became the very stimulus that eventually allowed me to expand the boundaries of thinking and process some of my own complexes. I decided to write all this for those who probably, like me some time ago, are in agony, not knowing what to do with Astarion, maybe other people's experience will be useful, and, of course, to show once again what an amazing and strong game Baldurs Gate 3 is, that can bring such emotions and even change the player's personal views on the world. Special thanks to Larian for creating the image of Astarion, I've played different games, but such emotions and such attitude to the character has never been. Not even close. I sincerely hope that this new word in the game industry will not be the only one, and in future games we will still be able to meet with really unusual and colorful characters that can make a "crooked touch" to the player's heart.
Last edited by Marielle; 27/12/23 11:38 AM.
