Larian Studios Forums General Chat The Divinity Helpdesk (TDH) :)

ok it's time to start a new topic.
Since this forum is made to help others,
it was about time we had a parody topic for The Divinity Helpdesk (TDH)

Q: Help i can not start divinity !
A : Did you turn on your computer?

Q: i can not find this tingalf guy!
A: please turn on your monitor

i just find out george is dead. can i make him alive agian?
A: Yes you can!
please do a full format of your harddisk,
flas your bios, reinstall windows and <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/div.gif" alt="" /> and install the patch. and start a new game!

Q: i installed the patch but nothing works!
A; you first have to install the game ...

Q: is there a multiplayer option?
A: no

Q: but i want multiplayer!
A: no

Q: i heard of a friend there was a multiplayer!
A: no

Q: what is this about a multiplayer i heard?
A :NOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!

Q: My computer just blowed up!
A: MMm, did you buy the game?

Q: i see rainbows and crazy coulors everywere
A: did you use some magic mushrooms agian @faile? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


if someone would like to continue.. ?
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

you've got WAAAAAAAAAAAAY to much free time <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

It is kinda funny though. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

it is, but I can't come up with anything <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" />

Neither can i...maybe i will get some inspiration...

Q: BUG! If I erase the game files one-by-one the game could not launch!
A: Rip off your limbs, one-by-one and see if you can dance polka afterwards.

Q: BUG! I cannot start a LAN game!
A: LAN feature not implimented.

Q: BUG! I just found a cracked sword in the catacombs, equipped it and after killing 2 skeleton warriors it dissapeared!
A: Repair it.

Q: BUG! After I got pissed off on the game, I wanted to break the CD in 2 and it got broken in 7 pieces!
A: Break the CD reader in exactly 7 pieces for each part.

Q: How to kill Josephina?
A: You hurt her untill she dies.

Q: Game crashes when I try to return to Orc Camp.
A: Don't go to Orc Camp.

Q: Game crashes when I played the game on my laptop while flying to Jamaica.
A: Don't go to Jamaica.

Q: After meeting Zandalor my game quits and funky messages appear. I tried to patch the game but it didn't work and I tried all the solutions!
A: Uninstall the demo and get the full game.

Q: HELP! This is so annoying!
A: Then don't get annoyed.

Q: Sad...
A: Yes...

Q: I am really stuck with this.
A: Good luck.

Q: bug BUG BUUUUUG!!!
A: ok OK OKKKKKKKK!!!

Q: HELP! Game crashed randomly.
A: Get a random solution.

Q: What level should I be when I become the divine one?
A: Enough level not to ask this question.

Q: Help! I can't get past the Blessing Ritual...
A: Put the play CD in the drive and do the ritual again.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

Q: Can't seem to find Zandalor...
A: Leave the elderly man alone!

Okay - this is a joke that has gone around, but still funny.

Q: My moniter is black.
A: Turn it on

Q: How do i turn it on...
A: The front of the screen

Q: It is still black
A: Check and make sure the power is on

I can't turn it on

Why not?

Becasue there is a power outage.

Kay, find a flashlight, unhook the computer, pack it back in the box, and take it back.

Is it that bad?

No, it is not that bad, you are just too stupid to own a computer. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

ROFL


my answer would be: Stop giving weed to your laptop <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />

but then again I haven't come up with anything so far

Q: my game crashes randomly and i don't know what to do!
A: it just hates you.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Couldn't expect you to show up here, Lynn.

Q: I got 'Quest Failed' for the Find Zandalor quest!
A: Ha-haa!

Q: I can't get to apply gems to my armor!
A: Practice makes perfect. Keep trying! (Mwahahaha).

Q: Thelyron won't die
A: Call Lyn, her telephone number is ..... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Q: i tried telefoning @Lynn, but no answer!
A: Did you installed the latest patch ?

Q: I installed the latest patch when calling Lynn
A: Are you a Base, Mobistar, Proximus, ... 'member', only Larian software works on the phone

Q: I installed the latest patch, but still no answer.
A: Did you try sending flowers?

Q: i keep calling lynn but all i get is a phone sex recording!
A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (what, like we'd give you her real number?)

This is only Divinity Help Desk, right? No Riftrunner?

Q: the woman keeps reassuring me she is Lynn
A: Don't believe a woman called Lynn <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

forgive me Lynn, I didn't mean it, HONEST

yes, only <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/div.gif" alt="" />

hey change that avatar

Q: help my avator is re-apearing all over the forum with differend user names!
A : you DID call @Lynn didn't you ?