Larian Studios Forums Baldur's Gate III Baldur's Gate III - Suggestions & Feedback Romances Without Sex

I just want to start by saying that I absolutely love this game! The characters are great, and all of the romances are extremely well-written. With all of that being said, however, there is one thing that has been really bothering me. Every romance option except Wyll requires the player to consent to a sexual relationship in order to pursue a romantic one (you could bring up Astarion, who later shows interest in a romantic relationship without sex, but you still need to have sex with him in the beginning in order to get to that point).

I would like to suggest a dialogue option where you can ask for a non-sexual romantic relationship (even if some companions wouldn't be happy with that). This could essentially toggle whether or not your character has sex during the romance. This option would be great for players who are asexual (but not necessarily aromantic), players who have complicated relationships with sex, or even players who just want to play a character who has taken a vow of chastity (like a monk or cleric).

I know it would be a lot of work just to include this one option, but it would mean the world for people who currently feel excluded or uncomfortable with the current romances, and Larian has clearly shown that player inclusion and safety is a top priority (I don't think that I would even be suggesting this if I didn't think it would be taken seriously).

I'd also like that, especially since some work in that direction has been made, but only for some of the Origins. For example, Astarion's Act 1 romance has been modified for Karlach, who cannot touch anyone at that point in the story, it has however not been modified for Gale who, due to his highly unstable orb, also stays away from all undue excitement in Act 1. It's nice, when they do special things for the Origins, but it would be nicer if there was a general alternative that would then get modified to suite the specific Origin - better for all.

I agree, that would be much nicer. As things currently are, the characters are given a lot more agency in this respect (especially Astarion) than the players are. Which is kind of odd when you think about it: the game simply doesn't have an option for someone who would relate the most to one of the main romancable character's needs in a relationship.

Hum, as a sex-neutral ace person, I would like to be supportive, but honestly the scenes as they stand (I mean, particularly in the latter part of act 3) need more work before they go about making an ace option and a toggle on/off. Act 3 Shadowheart spoilers: So yeah, polishing the current scenes is where I’m hoping they’ll allocate their resources at the moment.

I would like to think that both could be done! At this point, Larian has gained a reputation for releasing very large patches for the game, and they haven't shown any indication that they're going to stop releasing them anytime soon.

A non-sexual romantic relationship?

You mean, a friendship? Yeah, I can see that, totally. No need to complicate it further.

No, I don't mean a friendship. Not all romantic relationships require sex. There is already an example of such a relationship later in the game with Astarion (which I've already alluded to in my original post), so I know that this isn't a foreign concept to the writers.

Also, just because you might not see the need for something doesn't mean that it wouldn't be important for others. What I'm suggesting is adding an extra option that can be avoided if what I'm describing isn't your jam.

I don't think I could deal with any more non-traditional sex content. I find it all distracting and heavy handed. In my opinion, it detracts from the enjoyment of the game when it gets to be overwhelming.

I definitely get what you mean, romantic relationships without sex are a real thing. Shadowheart’s heavy demi vibe scratches that itch for me personally. Like, I’m neutral about the sexual aspects, but I know that some people are averse. It’s a valid perspective, for sure. However. At risk of sounding like a broken record. I’m not sure if the developers would consider allocating resources to making ace romances… like I’m going to be real with you, the game has so many issues as is, I doubt that it would ever happen. But it could be a mod? Hmmm… it would be a tough one to make, though. (If you’re interested in ace romances, a game like Stardew Valley would be a lot easier to mod.)

For some of the romances, like Shadowheart’s, adding an ace dialogue option could work with some minor tweaks to her scenes, but I feel like for somebody like Astarion or Lae’zel, or Karlach, that would be a lot harder to implement, and would probably require new motion capture work and voice acting.

An extra dialogue option that you would never have to choose would be distracting?

Oh, it would totally require new motion capture work and voice acting, but so did a few of the other more recent patches (especially patch 5 with the MASSIVE epilogue). And we never know if it can be done until we ask, right? In any case, I am very glad that you agree that this merits discussion, and I do appreciate your perspective as well.

Astarion isn't a good example cause he's very much not ace, he just needs some time between Act 2 and Cazador.

I genuinely think you do. Romance and sex are tied together. If sex is out of the picture, there is no romantic interest - period. You end up with a friendly or familiar bond, but not 'something else'.


They do, or they're not romantic relationships.


Oh, stop your crying. I actually agree with you. I want the ability to befriend the companions, rather than bang all of them. I'd liek to talk to Gale about magic in camp, without it turning into some awkward gay romance scene. I just want to be friendly to my friends. If you want to call that a non-sexual romance option or whatever for your level 12 inclusionist - be my guest.

Instead of adding more romance variants Larian should allocate resources to the paper thin non-romance part of the characters.

Sadly, sex and romance drive sales....

I never said that he was, just that the time he takes while he still considers both of you in a relationship is a great example of what I'm talking about (a romance without sex), and that would be beneficial to many players including, but certainly not limited to, people who are asexual.

It's clear by now that you are either unwilling or unable to grasp this concept. Either way, I won't be wasting any more of my time trying to explain it to you.

I'm sure both could be done! I would also like the option to become better friends with the characters, so I don't think the two ideas are mutually exclusive.

You can most definitely have romance without sex, as well as you can have sex without romance.

I think the game is currently seeing friendship as something lesser than romance and a lot of things are locked in the romance tracks. For example the "How are you feeling?" question which you can use to ask Gale about his mental well being and his thoughts on the Crown is within the relationship menu. It's a bit odd, since I'd assume a good friend would also be interested in this - and why shouldn't he be able to plot getting the Crown with a good friend either?

I also wish there was a little more ace/demi-friendly romance around, though I'm not sure how easy it would be to add in (I agree that it seems easier for some companions than others).

Imo, I think part of the problem is that the pace of the relationship seems entirely dependent on the COMPANION, not the player. For example, if you're romancing Astarion, you have to sleep with him early on. There's no option to tell him that you'd like to wait, or that you're interested in a non-sexual relationship with him. I haven't experimented with the other romance options much, but from what OP said, I'm assuming they put you in a similar situation. I wish there was an option for all of the characters to wait until the end of their arc ("wait until we know each other better"), because even someone interested in a sexual relationship may not want it right off the bat. And while yeah, companion characters may have their own preferences... this is still a game, and they were all designed to be attracted to the player regardless of race/gender, so I don't see why some flexibility about the pace of the relationship would break with the design philosophy. At least having the companions who will eventually "require" sex slow things down a little so you can get to know them before making that choice.

For Astarion, he could still try to "seduce" the player character while keeping their actual desires in mind, since his goal is self-preservation. (I personally think it'd be kinda funny to watch him try to figure out what to do to "seduce" someone without actually sleeping with them, but that's just me).
For Karlach, I could maybe see an option to have some level of physical affection, like hugging and cuddling, without having to require sex asap.
For Lae'zel, I ran away from her flirting too fast to pay much attention to how her attitude might play out with this.
For Gale, Wyll, and Shadowheart, I feel like their romance storylines wouldn't be too hard to adjust for a character who wanted to delay / exclude sex.

Obviously, this would make things a lot more complicated to write, so I don't really blame the writers for not investing their time here.

Honestly, I think my main wish was just to have dialogue options that better express my actual thoughts. There's no way to distinguish between "I'm in into YOU, personally" and "I do not sleep with people that easily" / "I don't sleep with people, period." The game seems written to expect that everyone has a high sex drive by default most of the time, and while that's probably a good match for a lot of people picking up the game ready to date their companion of choice, it got frustrating at times to not have dialogue options that reflect what's actually on my mind. There were definitely a few times where I wished for something more like "I'm into you as a person, but I don't like jumping into physical relationships that quickly." Kind of like that one scene of Gale's where you could choose between imagining a kiss or imagining holding hands -- I really liked that option for expressing an interest in romance that wasn't so focused on sexual attraction.

Somewhat related, but I think there were one or two places where I also wanted the option to say "I have an EXCLUSIVE partner already" I think with some of the side characters; it felt very strange to be responding to these as if the sole determining factor was how I felt about the character propositioning me, when my point would be more like "It actually doesn't matter whether I'd be into you or not. I'm already committed to someone." (These would be minor tweaks and it was really weird to me that the option wasn't there, since the origin companions are all exclusive to each other)

I certainly feel like there are bigger priorities of things to fix with the writing if they're going to be making changes (Hello, Act 3...), but the game does seem to pride itself on the companion interactions, so having some more flexibility with the relationships would be nice.

As an ace person, this is something I would LOVE LOVE LOVE. I have sent feedback to Larian about before in the past. While I doubt they will make these changes now, I'd still like to voice my support again in case of a miracle... 🤷 The game is so inclusive. I really wish there was a sex-less route for players who might be asexual/take things slow/have complicated relationships with sex, etc. It would mean so much to me and others.

There's something similar in the game already if you play as Origin Karlach and romance Astarion. It shows that Astarion is open to a romantic relationship without sexual intimacy. But being Karlach isn't the same thing as being Tav/Durge. I don't want to have to play as Karlach and lose her as a companion, in order to romance Astarion closer to the way that would be my ideal. (To cover my bases, yes some ace people have sex. But that's not what this topic is about).

While Astarion might not be ace, I think he would benefit greatly from having an ace partner. When he confesses in act 2, he's very vulnerable and grappling with his relationship to sex and trauma. How healing is it for him to know that Tav/Durge loves him romantically, for who he is, instead of for sex? He straight up says he doesn't want to be seen in terms of sex, and an ace partner wouldn't see him that way! I and many other asexual fans related to him so much in that scene.

I haven't fully romanced anyone else other than Lae'zel, but I also think Wyll, Gale, and Karlach seem like good candidates for a sex-less romance.

The idea is interesting, but to do it in a finished game, with written characters? I don't think so. you need to make a request for the next game, in that case.

You can actually do a romance with Karlach and never sleep with her! There's an option designated for it, too.

It always struck me as so weird that Karlach of all people got an option for this because she is so vocal in her desire to touch, kiss and have sex that her romance seems very unappealing from the outset (at least for me) if sex isn't something you or your character are interested in. What personally bothers me more, is how the time of abstinence you have with Astarion is not actually framed as an enjoyable time during which the two of you get closer, it's only only ever framed in terms of loss when you activate special encounters such as the drow or Halsin. His two graveyard endings without sex are also considerably less affectionate than the one with, while skipping right to the bloody part of turning-night is a bit odd as a scene.

Imo, Naoise's rapture moment is an excellent spot of bliss without sex though, and the hidden highlight of the brothel.

PS: While Astarion's is the most famous, it seems all the companions have romance variations for Avatar-Karlach. YT recently showed me one for her and Gale which is a romantic spin of his friendship scene during which you just watch the stars with him if your engine hasn't been fixed yet.

This part about Astarion's abstinence is indeed very bothersome due to how it can be framed as a negative thing for Tav, I agree with you. Instead of it being a time in which you can explore other forms of intimacy and trying to get closer as a couple, offering him space to try to figure himself, reassuring him once again that you'll be with him even if he doesn't have sex for as long as he needs and that he's more than his body and ability to have sex, it's used as an excuse for more horniness and side affairs and honestly, it feels like the game is trying to compensate the lack of sex on his part with those things. A quite relevant example here is Halsin or the drows, as you pointed out. Tav can even tell Astarion the reason for going to Halsin is because they are frustrated about him not having sex with them anymore, and he immediately agrees. I find it very tone-deaf how this was implemented in regards to his romance (I don't think it fits his romance at all), but maybe this is a topic for another discussion.

!!! I had no idea you could do a sexless romance with Karlach! That's awesome. It is surprising, but I hope it's positively or even neutrally framed by the game. For some reason she's the one companion who has never been flirty with me, lol. I will have to step up my game.

I agree that I don't like how Astarion's abstinence is framed as a negative thing for the player. It is very healthy for him at that point in his healing, and it doesn't bother me one bit. I found it touching and it made me really happy, in fact.

I also find it odd that he's OK with the player hooking up with Halsin when the explicitly stated reason is lack of sex. Like, wouldn't that be hurtful to hear when he's clearly insecure about this? I can believe Astarion is open to poly in general, but that specific situation is questionable.

It's positively framed, yes!

Karlach's early romance trigger is apparently bugged at the moment, so you can currently only start the romance at the party. I think, medium approval is enough. If you don't have any romances going, she'll be hitting on you pretty hard. If you already have one romance going, you have to chat her up. If you already have two romances going, your dance card is full and you cannot romance her. At least that's my experience, it might be wrong.

I am not sure if this derails the purpose of this thread too much but I would be very curious to read, what people would want from such a sexless romance or one that is not focused on it - which I personally find way more important.

I've played Wyll's romance with dark urge, I don't recall all the details but I think it can be played with no sex happening. There is only a dancing scene in act two, and in act three you can tell him "not yet", and that you want to wait.

Ah, good catch. My bad for not bringing that up as well.

It really sounds like I should shake things up and try different romances at some point.


I would like any scenes that depict close emotional and/or physical intimacy without sex. For example cuddling, spooning, enjoying hobbies together, having deep and lengthy conversations (about things other than peril). Stuff like that is what I envision!

Have you seen Naoise's scene if you have control of Minsc when you talk to her? It's hilarious. I detest a lot of the brothel content, but I like Naoise's scene, I love the cat, and I have a soft spot for Sauceman Chorizo. Poor guy just wants to cook without being propositioned by confused patrons.

I honestly think you'd enjoy Karlach's then. It ticks a lot of these boxes.

Ha, yes I have seen that one on yt. As much as I don't like Gale's scene with the twins, I do like the dialogue you can have about the whole situation with him now that the player dialogue has been modified. It helps to put some things into perspective and makes me appreciate him even more - especially if you chose the none-astral variation in act 2.

!!! Oh dear, then she's at risk of becoming my new favorite... It's too late for that! My home is already filled with Astarion merch! Lol. But thank you, that makes me look forward to romancing her whenever I feel up to starting a new game.