Not so keen on these new kiss animations. Just started a new game so I'm a way off from getting to them but 2 of them don't seem like they fit his character from rummaging around on utube. Anyone been able to see them yet?
Yeah, me too. I tried them on myself last night, many times, and just couldn't sleep because of the tears. I don't want to spoil the fun for those who enjoyed them. I understand, but it's just too hard for me. So I really want to write about it here.
Anyway, it's hard. I've tried to pull myself together, to grow up, to realize that it's just a love game. I tried it on myself in the game many times, tried to feel it. One variant - when Astarion takes Tav by the face, I liked it - passionate, interesting. And the other two - constant repulsion, I begin to feel that I am something unnecessary, pathetic, intrusive, something that can be loved only in this way - condescendingly, "out of favor". Kneel every time? And then push me away. Once is a game, twice... Sooner or later my Tav would just turn around and go take something forbidden that the guildies peddle and drift off into reverie, just to get some rest. Let him use his master control and play dolls if he wants. With the bite - I like the bite itself, I don't mind the physical pain, but what comes afterward... Tav reaches for it and Astarion pushes it away and it's some semblance of a slap, like I'm some kind of trash. After a while, somehow that's how I start to feel. If the infliction of pain was connected with passion, with desire, with the fact that the partner as if loses control and gives free rein to his dark instincts - that might appeal to me in an "evil romance". But humiliation... I have too much trouble with that. With strangers it's basic and simple, challenge thrown - challenge accepted, but when you're humiliated by someone you love - you're defenseless. You're open and you just accept that pain. I just don't know what to do with myself to go back to Baldur again, or if I even need to now. I'm tired like I've been plowed through, yeah normal people don't see games that way, but Astarion wasn't just fun and pastime for me, it just happened to be.
This romance was for me this romance was very deep, warm and brought happiness. I played with Astarion, choosing the most loving lines and there was not a single "cruel" or "mean" phrase from Astarion in my playthrough, he didn't even raise his voice once at me. I was doing just fine. Even at the end Astarion didn't say anything about "shrouding the world in darkness" or whatever, we were going to see the world together, which he was obviously happy about. He said at the party that Tav was much more precious to him than power. Most of all I loved taking care of Astarion, I wanted one thing, that in my world he would never be hurt again. How to care for someone when you're crushed and exhausted... There's no love in what's happening now, in these kisses. Sooner or later, through repeated repetition of what yesterday felt like "I love you more than anything in the world" and "I'll give you everything" will turn into "I don't want to hurt you. Just like I don't want to do you any good. I don't care, I'm dead."
Yes. Now either Baldur is not for me, or Baldur drowning in blood. The main punishment for daring to go against the idea of "goodness" and not allowing Astarion to be made a victim to suffer, burn at the end and experience starvation is the realization that my beloved Astarion is simply not suited to my character. Only another character can make him happy. A destroyed Tav will not make him happy.
All that's left is the same old story, where there was happiness, where there was a terrific ending when Astarion on the dock calls me to drink good wine in Elfsong. When he exclaims: "Freedom! True freedom!" When he transforms into an adorable bat and flies around at a party, playing with daggers, getting beautifully drunk while tossing glasses. Compliments his reflection in the mirror. Tells Tav that Tav is more valuable to him than power. That Tav makes him complete. And is slightly sad that he needs to let his beloved go for at least a little while to hang out with his friends. Stayed in the memory. If I could press the "off" button on certain emotions within myself, things would be easier.
This seems like a slap in the face to those who love Astarion and aren't going to take his Ascension away from him. I feel bad for the old kiss, there was such a loving look on Astarion's face there. Now it's only for those who "fix" him. It doesn't work that way! Never the same person will love someone who "disempowered" him and despise someone who helped him and only wanted the best for him. He likes to dominate, but I think he would vary it and would never torture intentionally, just for fun. It's just that with one Tav he would reveal himself more harshly, and with another he might not want to do that. They make their ideas of "kindness and self-sacrifice" sound like a rapist who puts a knife to his victim's throat and forces them to do as he says.
