Let me put forward one theory on the subject of why we have Lord Astarion kissing like this. I would like to point out that this is just a theory, an assumption, I have no actual proof of this, I'm not going to claim that it's definitely true, after all, we're just having a discussion here.
It's been written about in this thread before that it's not healthy SM, and I think I'm not the only one who when playing/viewing these scenes on youtube had a feeling of impropriety of what's going on in them. I was able to talk to a sexologist who deals with sexual deviance, he agreed to watch the kissing video and said that it's not a SM video, it looks like foreplay for "sadistic 3D porn" without a proper sequel. On portals devoted to 3D porn in the category "sadistic 3D porn" there is a certain "section" of videos united by such a theme as " she is controlled" or "her body is controlled". The plot of such videos is that the victim's body is under the control of the rapist, he controls her in the process. For connoisseurs of such videos the victim's facial expressions are important and the quality of the video and the level of the animator, who makes models for the video, is evaluated also by this point. In such a video the dominant may not be directly present, remaining as if behind the scenes of what is happening, the main thing is that the victim's facial expressions convey to the viewer the understanding that the victim does not want to do what they do, that their body is controlled. Like, for example, in Kiss with a Bite - Tav doesn't want to kiss Astarion after the bite, it's pseudo-Astarion playing this way, making his victim's body make different movements, this is also one of the "tricks" of the genre, when the victim seems to "want" the rapist, but a good animator through the victim's facial expressions should let the viewer understand that it's not so, and that she is being controlled. Our Tav's facial expressions and body language in this scene are perfect for this genre. If anyone wants to check this out for themselves (not recommended for sensitive people) I can post the names of these portals in a private message.
It's possible that the Larian didn't intend to "punish" anyone on purpose, that they just wanted more sex content in the game, and that's how they wanted to please the SM audience, because the topic was only touched on in the game, but not explored. That they probably hired some top 3D porn animator to do it. And this person wasn't privy to any dark romance, didn't know anything about Astarion's character or any relationship with Tav, he got a text script of the kisses themselves (bite, kneel, grab his face, make Astarion's face like the poster, etc), a general brief like "Lord Astarion and his spawn that he can control". And he did his job qualitatively in a "she is controlled" kind of way.
Tav's body language, which Zayir analyzed in this thread, also adds up to this version. If someone who specializes in creating sadistic 3D content worked on it, he probably has his usual ways of showing the victim's facial expressions and body language, his usual vision of it, and did it the way he usually does.
If you look at it from the perspective of this version, whatever you have going on there with the deep dark romance, the tenderness and love for Astarion, some meanings and such - kissing Astarion just automatically puts you on a porn site in the role of a victim being controlled.
I don't like videos like this, I experience significant psychological discomfort from watching such content, and I'm writing this solely to defend Astarion. He has a lot of people jumping on him right now, and using these "kisses" as the main argument for "he can't be Ascended". But, what if these scenes were done by an animator who has no idea of Astarion's personality? Then it's just using Astarion's model to create a scene in the "prelude to sadistic 3D porn" genre.
