Larian Studios Forums Baldur's Gate III Baldur's Gate III - Story & Character Discussion Question about Astarion

I have a question about Astarion. My Tav didn't have an affair with him, but I watched his course on YT. One thing I don't understand is that in the romance option, Astarion reveals that he has a sexual trauma and sex causes him pain. However, in several conversations on the friendship foot, he clearly says that he enjoys sex and physical pleasure. In the scene of a romance confession, he says that he hates intimacy. Why would Astarion lie in friendly conversations? Plus, if you're not having an affair with him, he's happy to sleep with Lae at a party.

He had to bring back people to Cazador for the past two centuries and did so by seducing them. Seducing people, using his body to get them to do what he wants, has become his default modus operandi. When he starts an affair with the PC, it's to win them over and secure their protection. Through things happening during act 2 he can realise that he does not want to be seen that way or be used any longer. You can have a version of this conversation on the friendly route too, though it has different nuances.

But to answer the last question, during Act 1 he still acts according to his default behaviour, Lae'zel is probably also a powerful ally he wants to win over. It's also partially about him not realising things about himself and his own wants and needs - as well as, well, deception and performance ARE his default social skills. That's not just mechanics. He does not like to appear, weak, fragile or even caring, so he puts on a performance. The game is usually very honest about it too.

Tough question.

He doesn't like to be manipulated in general - his trauma extends to any manipulation of him, including sex and relationships. But his trauma is much more complex than that.

I think he understands and likes the lust, the physical attraction.
The important thing is that he chooses.
I think Astarion realizes enough that Lae won't protect him, at all.
Lae was a distraction and fun. Maybe he wasn't with gith, he wanted exotic?

Here's an interesting devnote from Act 3.

In Tav's case it was lust judging by devnote, and manipulation, a seduction to get the leader of the group to choose his side and help him.
But when emotions come into play he doesn't know how to do it all, he's confused.

In the end, it comes down to trusting the one person he put his trust in to keep their word, and help him...imo

What I don't understand is that he says that sex hurts him, that he was forced to do it, and at the same time sleeps with Lae of his own free will, knowing that she is no guarantee of protection for him. Plus he says, when he is denied intimacy, that the only carnal pleasure he wants is to drink blood. It all doesn't add up. I still don't understand why he's looking for Tav protection . He's a lot stronger than Tav at the beginning of the game, I feel like he's a beast with a bow for the rest of the game and at the same time needs to be taken care of.

Yeah, yeah, that's curious.
Once I met Astarion who literally grabs a knife and says "nice trick, but I went when you weren't born yet". Defense is more needed against him.
He's very good at protecting himself.
I'd say he needs help accomplishing his goals. He uses Tav for that.

About the pain of sex.
You couldn't discount the exact quote about it to make it more clear.

For my part I would say that, yes, he is strong in combat when you meet him. He has also a lot of spirit and concern about himself, for someone who went through so much. But maybe it’s that he has just escaped Cazador, via the Illithids, and is adjusting to new circumstances. That’s a lot to digest, plus that little adventure to take care of, securing his freedom, the force of habits, and what not. Securing someone’s help (you’re de facto leader of the group) the only way you think you know how ? Well, to me it makes sense. I find his portrayal consistent enough given the themes there.

I've recently started another game and I think I'm going to have an affair with him. It always seemed to me that the best option for romance was, well, the romance-trained druid Halsin, who was made to be romance However, Astarion intrigues me more and more, maybe in romance I will find answers to these discrepancies that I see now. I'm just afraid, after watching the romance on YT, that he doesn't really take Tav seriously. Until the very end of the game, it seems that he is still playing a role.I mean, I can't see any real affection for Tav in the way he speaks. Even in Act 3, it still feels like a performance.

I can understand the concern. That’s not something that has bothered me personally. I like the depth of the character. I find there is a mixture of being funny, sensitive, assertive (with a “back off” vibe too), that makes it appealing. He’s rebuilding himself, as to be his own person. That’s a dynamic I enjoy going with, see how it goes. There are really sweet moments, like a certain conversation in act 2. Even just going with the friendship route at that point is something I find really nice and rewarding. I think there is enough to satisfy different expectations once it branches out. As for the performative thing, well I think it makes sense with his background and history, I guess one might loose touch with simple things in such circumstances.

I don't think we're going to find the perfect romance for ourselves. Certainly not all of us. We would have to write one for ourselves so that everything would be correct. For me, the only options are Halsin, Gale, and Astarion. Halsin is out forever due to Tav being forced to sit with him in an orphanage when we want to continue the affair. Gale lacks the spark that Astarion has. Astarion lacks the commitment and depth of love that Gale gives. If only Gale had stoked more fire in Act 3 and Astarion calmed down the theatricality a bit and showed more tenderness – the ideal would have been achieved.

I really like Gale's romance because it's very friendship adjacent and puts it's focus on partnership. Basically all of act 3 is a unique take on planning your future together, comfortably nestled between the divine and the wholesome. Astarion's I like because it is extremely dark in the beginning and (maybe the end) overall not very romantic. I am not one for the romance-romance ones and prefer the romances that place their focus on partnership and stealing things together. Maybe that makes me a bit lame.

As someone who mostly enjoys playing as a rogue thief, I wouldn’t find that lame at all.

I have a problem (sort of) with Gale. I like many aspects of his personality, and almost want to go for the romance. And at the same time I can’t progress without feeling a little bit out of place in it. He is absolutely great as a friend though.

I don’t think I would mind settling with Halsin that way, most of all with the right character. For the moment my problem seems to be that, by the time I’ve met him and all, I haven’t been able to not connect way more with the other companions.

Astarion doesn't hate sex. He enjoys doing this with our character. But due to the fact that in the past he used this to lure victims, and now he was using our character, it makes him feel disgusting and bad. He doesn't want to use our character anymore. He has become emotionally attached to the character and does not understand what is happening, this is new to him.

Another noteworthy dialogue happens in the scene where Astarion breaks up with Tav after entering act 3 if he was neglected. He says: "I never slept with you for pleasure alone." So yes, there are several dialogues where it's confirmed he does indeed enjoy sex with Tav. I agree with LiryFire about the Lae'zel matter - she is exotic to him and they generally have a good connection and agree on many things. He's also curious what her blood tastes like.


If you ascend Astarion and agree to his proposal, the commitment is eternal, "until the world falls down."

But how could he gain pleasure? Since he says in the confession of Act 2 that he associates sex with disgust and is happy if Tav proposes a relationship without sexual intercourse? From what I understood, sex hurts him, and he slept with Tav just for manipulation. Maybe what he says that he didn't sleep for pleasure is just that he couldn't achieve it and in the end he was only doing it for profit. After all, he says that he has not had a moment of pleasure in these contacts for 200 years.

He does not wish to be perceived as a sex toy and wants to have a time without sex because of it, his sense of intimacy in general and physical intimacy especially is messed up due to his past. That does not mean he will never resolve these problems.

In the end, at the Graveyard (speaking of the Spawn route) he approaches you for it again and it seems largely fine. Though it is hinted at (if you jump through some loopholes and take him back to the brothel) that he still has a way to go to fully heal.

If he didn't feel any gratification then he would have said "I never slept with your for pleasure". While doing it with his clients he was often physically repulsed by them, became completely numb over the years and disassociated. After his first night with Tav, if he's told that there would be nothing more happening again, he says that night was special to him. So I believe it was the first time since many years that he did in fact enjoy it.

In the post-Yurgir confession he admits he is attracted to Tav's looks.

What is tainted to him is the fact that up until that point it was always a transactional exchange and that it was done for his master, he's struggling mentally with flashbacks. There is a similar thing happening in Fenris romance in DA2 - he gets so close to Hawke that he starts remembering his forgotten past and it makes him panic. He also needs time to figure things out before he can be intimate again.

Yes, I think that it has to do with being objectified. He's been ordered around for so long, used to lure people that way, all that can pass through his head be damned. Not taking any form of pleasure in it (and getting in a certain mindset as an attempt at a defense mechanism) might even be a relief, because it might be used against him, it's a way to not form attachments, and so on. Rebuilding on all that, learning to trust people, and finding your own voice, I guess it's complicated and messy.

All in all, I forget that Astarion is a vampire. I try to match human behaviors and reactions to it. He was written as a vampire from the world of dnd. They are manipulative and evil beings, so in fact, Astarion can fake all feelings until the end.

Well, technically....he doesn't even fit into DnD lore or rules. It is a Larian homebrew. All it comes down to is you be you and play how you want.