My story is also similar. My fiancé at the time was also an alcoholic and drug user. He was
emotionally and sexually abusive for most of our relationship and one night during an argument, I told him I wasn't afraid of him, so he picked me up by the throat, slammed me against the wall, and began to strangle me. My vision started to go dark and I started kicking and scratching with everything I could, got a good hit it and caused him to drop me. I ran out of the house and up to the corner store and called my mom. I had night terrors for years and would wake up in a panic, gasping for breath.
Over time and therapy I started to have less flashbacks, less night terrors, and better coping mechanisms for when they did happen. I had boyfriends that I would explore "breath play" with as a form of healing (that's not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay) and I understand the difference of asking in game to "make it hurt" and he grabs your throat (consent), vs asking for a kiss and he grabs your throat while your character looks terrified (no consent, violent, abusive) It's extremely triggering. Even with time & therapy, not everyone gets to my point in the healing journey. It barely affected my life in recent years. I am very lucky in that regard.
Hence why it was so jarring to expect "love is in the air" and get thrown into a PTSD flashback from asking my videogame boyfriend for a kiss. I was expecting more possessiveness since I was in the "Dark Romance" route, but woah buddy did they miss the mark.
