Larian Studios Forums Baldur's Gate III Baldur's Gate III - Story & Character Discussion The romance with Astarion pulls you over to the "dark side".

UA Church attitude in a nutshell: "It's my toy and you can't have it! "

Previously mentioned Fane's lines (also written by Stephen Rooney) that work great here (at 2:25). I keep remembering them every time I see AA bashing:


As for "the abuser who would ruin our love", Nirraart made a cool short about it: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/K_ELfU0-6Xo


Awww, I love you too, Zayir! <3

Totally agree. I watched this after reading the diary entry, "Astarion's fate is sealed. He will remain a spawn forever." I lost all desire to be some kind of "good hero" after that one video. Worse "good" and more "motivation to evil" for me has never happened in any game yet. It took a while to get back no longer the same, but at least more or less normal attitude to other companions who mocked his pain. But still they remained to me not friends, but just fellow travelers, with whom a common misfortune had temporarily brought them together by chance. I'd give a lot to get a long, long scene in the castle with Astarion instead of a party in the epilogue with everyone, understandably only in dreams. To be in the shoes of this Tav, who went boozing in a tavern while a broken and humiliated Astarion I don't know how, I don't know where, heals his wounds, is a hundred times more painful to me than any insulting kisses. I'd rather let this whole city burn.


My Tav - Echo. Nice balance idea. I imagined that my warrior with Aristocrat background must have been told as a child by her parents, swearing when she fought with boys and climbed with them anywhere, against all rules of lady behavior, that "No decent lord will marry you". And here's how it turned out as a result...


Great! Very accurate. I especially like the look on Tav's face. It's perfectly matched!

Point 22 in particular made me bend over in laughter. Hell, they really do even play the way they're told... The propaganda-in-game experiment was a success.

Your Tav is also very calm and wise. Mine would have hit an invisible wall screaming: "Come here, you cowardly face! Now I will wrap your delulu in a cycle of abuse and shove it where the bear is not...'" * Astarion: "My treasure, don't swear like that, please..." "No, I've got someone going to therapy now, if they're still being transported..." Astarion makes a facepalm and tries to lead her away...


Yeah, the important thing is that the developers themselves don't ruin the game. This nonsense, in a good way, does not matter. For an opinion to have value, the bearer of the opinion must have at least some authority for the person to whom it is carried, at least some interest or minimal respect. These opinions evoke none of that. And Astarion himself, even though he is a fictional character, becomes close to the player, and his attitude matters. To make scenes where he mocks Tav, contrary to the rest of the story, contrary to his character, just to make the players feel insulted if they, the insolent ones, dared to give a damn about "public opinion" (my god, what nonsense...) is just low. That's not history, that's hysteria.

Yes, Fane was the most interesting companion... Larian lost a lot with the leaving of Stephen Rooney. There won't be any more characters like that in the next game.


Oh... Nirraart has collected beautiful moments in one short. I love this author!

That's an immediate subscribe for me. Love her "Ascended Astarion is definitely toxic" video. Though it's clear a lot of folks in the comments don't understand sarcasm.

Yeah, I love that video too! Just like the sarcasm over Astarion's "toxicity".

Here's another great channel about Astarion with beautiful videos and a beautiful boy-Tav paired with Astarion.

Well in lieu of just restarting my entire game, I'm writing fanfic for the first time in about 20 years, which is wild. IDK what I'm going to do with it, maybe post it on AO3? Which wasn't even a thing "back in my day" lol. I'm just tired of the assumption that AA is only an appropriate romance choice for Durges or those who roleplay ultimately regretting their decision. And also just couldn't get my character and her story out of my head. IDK if fanfics are kosher to post here, but if anyone's interested in reading it, let me know. I would definitely love feedback when the first chapter is ready.

Yes, thank you, I'd be interested! I don't know if you can post the writing on the forum itself, but you can definitely throw a link to it. It could be in this thread. As for whether you can post the whole text directly on the forum itself - honestly, I have no idea, I haven't seen anyone posting their work that way, but I haven't seen any prohibitions on it either. As an option, you could probably post the text under a spoiler.

I wouldn't want to post the whole text! I had in mind more of posting links

Sorry for the double post, but something interesting just occurred to me. I was reading another thread where someone, speaking of the Emperor, said he's basically just a reflection of the player's opinion of him. If you think he's trustworthy, then he is. If you think he isn't, then he's not. Which is obviously not how it would work in real life; if he were truly trustworthy, he would be that way whether you trusted him or not.

I feel like the AA romance is very similar. Like I've mentioned before, the clips of AA I came across on social media (less so now that you lovely people have directed me to some great channels) show the worst options for dialog, and Astarion reacts accordingly. If you tell him after the ritual that you hope he learned something, he gets hostile. If you try to break up with him, he gets hostile. Basically, if you treat him like you assume he'll be abusive, he'll be abusive. But if you lean into the dark romance aspect, he'll lean into it too, showering you with affection and praise. Just look at the difference between the two ways he tells you to go mingle in the epilogue party, depending on if you tell him you still want your freedom, or if you, well, say pretty much anything else. In the first instance, he gets super nasty, calling everyone else your "so-called friends" (pretty common abuser tactic, to try to isolate you from your friends by insulting them). In the second, he encourages you to mingle quite happily, even implying he's happy if you tell him you think the others are doing well (in his own, cheeky Astarion way). Am I saying the way he speaks to Tav during the more hostile interactions would be okay from a real life partner? No. But also, a real life abuser is going to abuse their partner regardless of how nice they are to them. It might put off the abuse for a bit, but there's only so much walking on eggshells you can do. There's nothing in the text to suggest that a Tav who goes along with AA's scheming, whether sincerely or for self-preservation (and the game makes no distinction; there's no deception checks or anything when you agree with him) will eventually see their luck run out. To my mind, he seems genuinely sincere when he does things like thanks Tav for trusting him, tells him he's blessed to share his life with her.

Again, I'm not saying this is desirable for a real-life romance. It's a dark romance fantasies, but dark romances can get, well, dark, and this one does even if you agree with him (just in a different way than you get when you don't agree with him).

I almost wonder if the discrepancy can be explained by the writers focusing not on making Astarion outright abusive (patch 6 kisses aside), but on the desire to truly let the player roleplay the relationship the way they want, not just in their dialog options, but in Astarion's personality. If they want to roleplay as a regretful Tav who no longer trusts the man they fell in love with, Astarion will become an evil, possessive Dracula type. If they want to roleplay that they think his wickedness is great, actually, he basically becomes Lestat (from the second book onward) with more Machiavellian ambitions.

Yes, Astarion does react to attitudes towards him, and romance with him can look a lot of different ways. I used to like it a lot (and still do, despite the fact that with those kisses the author arbitrarily tried to bend everyone to someone else's headcanon). It makes him even more alive, more like a real person. Reacting to the way he is treated. We treat different people differently too, you can adore someone and despise someone. You can start with adoration, and then find out what that person is like, and then you can start to despise them. And that adds value to the romance with Astarion. You go through your happy romance, then you get to watch Astarion react to bitchy, silly lines that you yourself completely dislike, and it's much more interesting than a "wimpy" character who succumbs to everyone regardless of their behavior. I really liked the video where Astarion rejects Tav when Tav forces him to bite Oblodra. The first part of the video is heavy as he asks: "Trading me for some potion?", how he bites that nasty drow, how he vomits afterward. I was prepared for this viewing, I knew I would see his pain, and I thought he would look betrayed, suffering in his conversation with Tav. And he sent her off so beautifully! The contempt in his voice, he realized exactly who was in front of him, he didn't believe any manipulative apology, any excuse. Not like Gale, who cries for Mystra, who betrayed him, who left him in the worst of circumstances, who feels guilty for her and continues to love her. I sympathize with Gale purely as a friend, but if a man I like as a man behaved like that, my opinion of him would clearly deteriorate.

In the case of AA in these versions, where he screams with anger and pain, I myself feel bad for him that he not only got involved with such a Tav, but also believed, as the only person close to him, that he still wants to hold on to them, that because of his great need for love he fixated this need on someone who doesn't deserve it, who he doesn't need, and can't break this relationship himself. Although in the case of the first time I didn't realize that the "No" in the kneeling scene (it was still painful to me at the time, I didn't understand anything, didn't understand what it was for, etc.) means that Tav refuses to be converted to a spawn, not that she doesn't want to be humiliated and hopes to explain something to Astarion, Astarion promises to find someone better, it's certainly hurtful. It's a stab in the heart. But in fact, Astarion himself says so because of deep resentment and pain. When you come to him in the morning, he swears, turns away and I felt like a traitor, I ended these problems with this kneeling, like, okay, you want me to kneel down, you want me to stand on my head, you want me to stand on my ears, just to avoid seeing Astarion, who is terribly offended and betrayed by me. So I myself once had a specific "failure" of an romance with him because of a misunderstanding of the situation.

It's interesting about "so-called friends", because they're not really friends-friends for me either, I treat some of them quite well, I had some responsibility while I was considered the leader of the group, but, in general, Astarion is right. Those friends would have a pretty good laugh at him if he was burning at the docks. Especially since they include Halsin, Jaheira with her promises of being an annoying neighbor, and Minsc with his Astarion-monster. From Lae, Shadowheart, Will, Carlach, Gale, who teaches at Waterdeep, I really don't expect any special setup, but I really wanted to keep an eye on Jaheira (Minsc is too dumb not to notice if he's plotting something against Astarion and me). The only thing I can call a friend is Lae'zel, I feel like she'll really come to the rescue regardless of the morality of the situation, it's like an old battle buddy. But it's better to have Astarion be a bit of a paranoid spy on everyone than to be careless and trust everyone and everything, the latter of which could end badly. I like the line where he promises to keep an eye on me, Tav then in clumsy warrior stealth tried to watch him herself the whole party (he's a pleasure to watch - he does so many interesting things!). I wonder how someone who watches your every move will react when he notices you're watching his every move? It's fun. If such a relationship were real, friends would probably hate such a couple who only play games with each other, and they themselves would start yelling, saying, "Why did you two come here in the first place? You should stay at home if you're not interested in anything else but each other!"


That's for sure. This is the main indicator of a real aggressor. An aggressor will abuse someone who loves him with even greater pleasure, it is even more "tasty" emotions for a sadist. Not necessarily direct physical violence, but the aggressor will necessarily belittle the victim's self-esteem, not to "treasure" them, but on the contrary - criticism of intelligence, appearance, any, even the most innocent actions. Astarion never does this, all his sharp jokes and irony are reserved exclusively for other companions, when did he mock or ridicule Tav? Not until after patch 6, when they decided to FORCE us to consider him the aggressor.

He is very sincere at the party in the epilogue. Look closely at his facial expression and the way he looks at you, he really doesn't want to let Tav go even for a little while. He is sad when Tav goes off to socialize with others. If we could still show our love for him properly, even if only by hugging or kissing him, I think his love would show even more vividly.


It's as if someone decided to "prove" - here, look your Astarion is an "abuser"! You didn't believe he was abusing you? Oh, he didn't insult you? Now he's going to insult you so much that you'll be insulted! You won't want to touch him again! For those who looked at this as a "cycle of abuse story" it lays into headcanons pretty well. For those who love Astarion, it's a real insult, a blow, and just illogical, delusional scenes. Even the Tav-victim facial expressions fit exclusively the version of that Tav who already thought Astarion was the aggressor, who hates and fears him, dreams of escaping but can't, and so on. If they wanted to show Astarion as a sadist, who hid it all the time, and "turned around" only when he got the power, then, firstly, if he treats the one he doesn't want to kill in such a way, he doesn't cause any real physical damage, only emotional damage (grabbing and pushing, in general, not painful), so he loves with such a specific sadistic love, it's a "treasure" after all, then what will he do with Tav, who didn't give him a chance to perform the ritual? The revenge will be sudden, very cruel and bloody. And naturally, such a sadist would do very bad things to other people who are not " favorite". Who will interfere with him, the Tav victim who fears him? Companions who depend on Tav the victim? He'd start deciding what to do himself, he'd start ruling right away, Tav wouldn't decide anything at all. Not to mention that the actual facial expressions of a person who gets their love killed and the closest person in the world steps a boot on their heart would be completely different than Tav's in those scenes. I think the "right" facial expressions for that situation would be too difficult to be realized.

Right. Those misunderstandings are not only what can break the immersion, but also what leads to what I believe are unfair accusations are abuse. In real life, you would ask why. If the game gave you that option, I don't believe that Astarion as he's currently written would be offended by that. He might refuse to explain the specifics, but he'd likely at least say, "Because it's important to me." In lieu of that, since you can't ask, your only option is to experiment and save scum, and possibly run into uncomfortable content that you have to pretend you didn't see. Even if you understand his reaction, it's still not fun to watch.

Of course. I was sure that after "No" there would be some other lines, not this one... Astarion's answer: "Because it's important to me". - That would be enough, it's already clear that he's not mocking, that it's important, to think about a certain sacredness, ritualism of the act of turning into a vampire. I didn't know about the bride ritual at the time (true, there's no description of the obligatory kneeling in the bride ritual), but still. Tav still goes to bed afterwards and manages to fall asleep like nothing happened, completely unrealistic, instead of going out to get drunk in cheap taverns and get into fights so that the party can search for her all over Baldur with the help of Scratch and Astarion realizes his wrongness. Well, or at least a shot of Tav crying so that it looks like human behavior after a relationship breakup. This situation is pretty delusional, a total lack of roleplay, the author kind of makes the decision for the player that the player refuses Astarion and wants to break up with him, even in the morning I was running to him with the thoughts that it can't be like this, that there will probably be some dialog now, but no. When before the romance played naturally and it felt like the characters fit together wonderfully. Really only pretend you didn't see it, because Tav's line itself is deceptive, it has a completely different message than what the player wanted to put in, Astarion is reacting to the message of the writer of that scene, not you. To reassure yourself and realize that it's not "you and Astarion wouldn't really work out without the possibility of a reset", but that it's just that the scene is railroaded, you can tweak it with headcanon, play it nicely and everything will be fine.

This quote is from the "Patch 6 destroyed Astarion agency" topic in the suggestions forum, since we were getting off topic, despite it still being a massive thread. I think such a large thread highlights how Astarion generates more passionate fans than any of the companions, although this statement may come from place a bias.

My argument from that thread is from the AA fans vs spawn fans confrontation that happens (I'm both a spawn fan and AA fan) when spawn fans think people shouldn't like AA because he is evil and a completely different person from spawn Astarion (aka UA - Unascended Astarion). I mentioned how I believe AA is more like UA than people realize. Astarion has always had a cruel streak and a capacity for great evil. Throughout acts 1 and 2, and even some things in act 3, he approves of indiscriminate cruelty and killing that even Minthara disapproves of when she asks you why you attacked the grove. This darkness doesn't just go away because Cazador dies and he realizes he loves you.

AA is 100% raw Astarion. AA is UA but without breaks, without an act, and without a filter. I used to think that him becoming a full vampire changed him a lot. That perhaps the ritual destroyed part of him. But I'm starting to wonder if AA is just him shedding the act of compassion and caring. UA even after Cazador still has an act. He still tailors his dialogue and actions to be acceptable to people, he's just way better at it now than when he started in act 1. He loves Tav and still has insecurity and thinks he needs to be on his best behavior to not lose them. AA has the audacity (and ability) to make sure they never leave him.

I think Astarion truly does love and care about his romantic partner. He also cares about himself. He cares about things that are related to him. Such as when he shows concern for Yenna, he reveals it's because "children have a habit of disappearing" which goes directly back to his role in the Gur children abduction.. so yes, that makes Yenna's situation mean something to him. I believe Astarion only cares about himself and his romantic partner, even when he stays spawn. We can add a third thing he cares about which is situations that are related to him. Astarion has always been selfish, open to cruelty, and has had a sharp tongue when you make him angry. And surprise, surprise... AA also has a sharp tongue when you make him angry!

I think people who hate AA and love UA are a bit hypocritical, since they both have similar behavior. UA seems to get a pass from people who identify with his trauma (and put blinders on for the rest of his character that might be "problematic" to them) and are still fooled by his act. AA sheds his trauma and the act, and shows who he really is. Someone else brought up (on the BG3OnlyFangs subreddit) how preferring Astarion with his traumatic baggage could be a disservice to him. Like if a friend preferred when you were a softer person when dealing with a traumatic situation, rather than when you're a more assertive person after having healed from the trauma.

Thanks for beating me to reviving the discussion over here! I was horking down my lunch XD

No but for real, I agree 100%. I hate this idea that the challenge with Astarion is you have to "fix" him, and if you prefer AA or even like AA, then you're the one with psychological issues. But the idea that you have to, or can fix someone, can lead to super problematic relationships and psychological issues in real life too. It doesn't actually work in real life; it just leads to codependent and abusive relationships. It's fine for people to prefer the UA path, just don't pretend like in an equivalent real-life experience, AA romancers would be any more damaged than UA romancers.

I get annoyed with the posts and memes that suggest that deep down, he's a little cinnamon roll for anyone other than a romanced Tav (which he can be both as an Ascendent and as a Spawn) and all you have to do is shame that side out of him. He's a bad person. He likes doing bad things. IRL, if I'm attracted to a morally reprehensible person who quite clearly doesn't want to change (and they shouldn't change just for me), then I'm going to just not be with them.

Anyway I've been thinking about this meme a lot so I made this.

I did one playthrough where I didn't romance Astarion, because it was my hot date achievement playthrough. Before doing this run, people made it seem like their platonic relationship with Astarion is so sweet after choosing the "maybe you need a friend" option during the confession, so I looked forward to seeing this evidence. And there was none. In fact, he seems indifferent towards you. He just needs you for Cazador and getting rid of the threat of becoming a mindflayer.

I think Araj in act 3 is kind of a fluke for people who don't romance Astarion, but it's there due to being a conclusion to the Araj encounter in act 2, despite the act 2 Araj encounter being tied to opening up his romantic partnering. It seems out of place for friend Astarion in act 3, where he's indifferent with everything else.

I noticed that as a friend... Astarion doesn't really care about you nearly as much as when romanced. Friend Astarion doesn't care if you become a mindflayer. Friend Astarion doesn't care if you take the Astral tadpole. Only when romanced does he try to keep you from transforming into a full or half mindflayer. When you get the choice to become a mindflayer, friend Astarion says "Oh darling I don't care, just flip a coin." For the most part, he'll consider for a moment others' plight, but then he'll dismiss it and move on. He only continues to care about himself and his romantic partner. I think during the game, Astarion always saw himself and the player as the smartest people in the group, which makes sense because vampire spawn have a superiority complex. He often thinks himself smarter than the player as well. When you mention to spawn Astarion at the epilogue party that your companions are doing terribly, he will momentarily express disappointment at that but then move on and become happy reflecting on how happy you and him are together. AA at the epilogue party further reveals that he believed the other companions were nothing without you two.

The only psychological issue is Astarion himself, and compared to real life, he is a case for prison with life-term sentence. He should never have the chance to be released again. He would most likely reoffend. It doesn't matter whether he has had traumatic experiences in the past, a personality cannot be changed. Trauma is never an excuse for murderousness and sadism. Nobody should feel sorry or even empathy for e.g. Ted Bundy or other criminal sadists just because they didn't have a great childhood, were abused, mocked or other reasons, like the "easy access" to violent porn allegedly led him (hahaha, Ted Bundy) to it. [I can really recommend the interviews with him, very interesting how he tries to manipulate, how he is charming, lying and only looking behind this fassade reveals his true self]. Not everyone who experiences trauma or other difficulties in real life becomes evil. It is always an interplay between character traits and life circumstances that enable a person to commit murder and cruelty. Players who judge other players for going the AA route and claim their Astarion is healed and cuddly should be kicking themselves. Character traits (like murderousness, dangerous sadism) cannot be cured. They don't have a guilt consciousness. Even less would it be possible, from one second to the next (just by denying the ritual or killing cazador) without a long-term therapy. The UA story is pure fantasy and has nothing to do with RL. I don't want people who have a penchant for sadistic killing to be at large in the RL. Beside of that, also Astarion himself is pure fantasy: A personality like him I doubt exist in reallife: Dangerous sadism, murderousness and narcissism but with "real" empathy for other people or his romance partner and suddenly with guilt consciousness? No. The closest thing to Astarion in real life could be a sociopath, but they feel no empathy or guilt consciousness. Astarion himself is a "dangerous" fiction and there is no need into blaming or mocking players for clicking fictional answers in a game! It's fiction in all paths. Only people, who mock other people for their ingame choices, that's for sure real and - well - the opposite of nice.

I think that is such an interesting point and well worth discussing. It is a pity that the patch 6 kisses have muddied the water since the OP was made, with Larian apparently (only they know what they intended), trying to push the narrative that A.A. is abusive and that Tav is now his victim, trapped in a relationship with someone they fear.

If that narrative was cannon, that would make romancing either version of Astarion so depressing, because it would seem to me that you have two choices:

Astarion gains power and then abuses the Player Character
or
The Player Character retains power by manipulating Astarion into giving up on his dreams of living a better life.

If you accept that A.A. is abusive (I don't btw), then it is either going to be Astarion or the Player Character holding all the power over their partner. There would be no path available for this relationship to be balanced and healthy.

I'm sure that most people who chose U.A. would not envisage themselves being abusive towards him, but as it stands they do hold all the power. U.A. has to look forward to a future where he will be without Tav very soon, and where he will be hunted and probably meet a violent death, unless he can find himself another protector.
So, back to selling his body to survive seems a strong possibility for him. Does the fact that Tav won't be around to see it make it ok? I don't think so.
Even though the scene where he burns in the sun has been softened, denying Astarion ascension isn't really a happy ending for him, even though the game seems to suggest it is.


Good point, one of the most destructive things in a RL relationship is when one partner tries to prevent the other from gaining independence. I used to volunteer in an Adult Literacy programme and the number of partners who started throwing up obstacles when their partner started making progress was scary. It is all about power in the relationship and retaining it. Despite often complaining about the burden of having to do all the form filling and letter writing, these people realised if their partner learned to read they wouldn't be needed and their partner wouldn't have to put up with behaviour they didn't like, they would be free.

So yes, the idea that the player should 'fix' Astarion is something I strongly dislike. Though if anybody wants to play that route, well it's all fiction and we all have different interpretations of the story, so I'm not going to suggest they are playing it wrong or that they have issues, after all this is an RPG and Astarion is a fictional character, he can't be hurt, what ever the player does.
I do find the shift in the power between him and the Player Character if he ascends very interesting. I think maybe a lot of people who prefer U.A. don't consider the power dynamics in the relationship because the player having all the power is the status quo.


Hmm, I personally wouldn't be so harsh on him, as in real life my Tavs would probably be sharing his cell! Faerun is a violent place and I've cut a bloody swathe through it on every play through. In the story-world, violence very often is the answer.
It's hard to put people from a medieval world, even a fantasy one, into a modern context. We are talking about a much more violent society where for example, even a minor act of theft would lead to the loss of a hand if found guilty.

I'm not saying Astarion is a nice wholesome person, because he clearly isn't but it is very interesting to see the difference in his attitude towards the player character when he is being romanced as opposed to when they are friends. It is very clear that romanced Astarion cares deeply about the Player Character, regardless of whether he ascends. His demeanour changes on ascension but Tav is still very important to him.

I love the fact that his character is so deep and complex and that people have so many different reactions to him and his story, everything from killing him on sight to unconditional acceptance. He is so well written, it's a joy to find a character like this.

Maybe there is a misunderstanding. I admit, sarcasm is not always readable. My comment was about the bad habit of blaming real life players, telling them, they would have a real life psychological issue ("modern context") for choosing a specific route in the game (the ascension), instead of seeing all stories equally as fantasy. Because in real life, such personality as UA or AA doesn't exist and would be closer to, what I have described, nor the story of a sudden guilt consciousness, not even in the medieval age. I am not harsh on Astarion, he is everything, but not be comparable to a real life personality. So that blaming, jugding or mocking people for choosing a route in a fantasy RPG is more than unnecessary.


Yes, indeed, that's a great fantasy story, desirable for real life, that's what makes this fairy tale so adorable.

@ starryophonic, below: Yes, that's what I meant!

I get what you mean. I think we all agree it's not fair to say someone's choices in a video game reflect their choices in real life, nor accuse a fictional character in a fantasy setting of applicable crimes in the real world. But when we get flack for choosing a path because it supposedly reflects what we would want or do in the real world, well, that knife cuts both ways.

I'm not entirely sure I'd say I'm pulled to the dark side with Astarion,
I play my Tav's quite Chaotically to begin with which is why I always get either Gale or Astarion being my in game Partner usually dumping Gale .

I'm generally in real life quite chaotic my bedroom and wardrobes would show you my chaos so being drawn to Astarion as my first game(now 20 games later) partner was just a natural gameplay move
I also have episodes of sarcasm and gallows humor
you know the memes of a girl who has two sides of her personality cute things vs gothic darkness that is me.

The main point of his story is certainly on the dark and disturbed path SA and Slavery the ideal theory in my opinion is redeemed dark urge/ redeemed Astarion is the correct path for him they both learn to overcome their pasts ideally I want to find a sun solution for him but both redeemers probably suit the night .
now don't get me wrong I liked Ascended Astarion until the Tav's face issues in patch 6 my evil durge really shouldn't be scared of some upstart vampire lord. (she'd probably bite his head off in slayer form or using their tail as a stake as they do when casting the butler into the fire place)

Improving the path is being able to reassure Astarion in either case that he means the world to you and reaffirm that with him "I don't need to be your spawn to rule Toril with you " "I am not afraid of casting myself into the dark with you we have each other after all "

in the scene where durge has to resist killing Astarion because you failed to kill Isobel the butler says
"He is so afraid, so, so afraid of everyone besides you who he ought to fear the most"
"You like him for more than his looks, but he will never believe that"

The morning after in the thankyou for not killing me conversation he states he is worried about you more than him you've given him something to care about .
I think Act 2 is his most significant area to learn about him and how he actually feels about you and himself the Act 3 part after Cazador there really is no further character development you either Ascend him or not so that patch 6 addition is just so OOC it's awful.

We can always dispute if he's lost his soul in the rite however isn't the soul what drives the love connection how one is as a person etc..
that losing his soul is completely possible if you Ascend him he really ought to dump you the next moment
however he does not and still seems to say nice things to Tav "my consort , eternal lovers forever"
yes he is possessive and selfish however he shows that earlier in the story too before Cazador
small snippets of his conversation and behaviour show this

if you talk to him last in camp , he aims to take the leader of the group as soon as possible using his methods of seduction , you turn him down he gets quite antsy post ascension he can fall into the yandere category.
choosing someone other than him he seems to get quite jealous though he will accept it in the end.

"wyll is your typical prince type if you get bored he will always be up for a sordid affair"

So I really don't think I'm drawn into the dark with him though I'm very drawn to him.