A lovely post that I saw recently.He's not mine. But he so much I liked it, probably because I agree with a lot of it, that I want to share it with others.:
"Guess what, I wrote this "little" essay and decided to leave it in some Asc Astarion tracks because all this drama is annoying me enough that I feel the need to share some thoughts on toxic vampire love in the name of universal enlightenment. If you like it, feel free to repost it anywhere. (which I am doing)
So, what this dark romantic fantasy is about for me personally (although I prefer spawn romance, I absolutely understand the appeal of Asc Astarion because, honestly, I was all about that kind of romance as a kid and teenager, hardcore ghost opera fan) and why it's also a healing path for some players, and no, it's not about kinky vampire fucking.
1) A lot of people feel extremely worthless and insecure and alone, like no one cares about them. This is a very deep wound that hurts, and it's hard to overcome even in a perfectly loving, healthy and supportive relationship with a good partner, and even with therapy. So fantasizing about a vampire obsessed enough to do anything just to be with you forever is really comforting. Also, you don't have to think too much about your flaws, because to him you're like the center of his vampire heart.
Plus, you sympathize with him - it's like a mirror of self-soothing: I love this monster no matter what, so in a way I accept myself despite all the flaws I see in myself.
2) Safety. When the world around you seems like a wild place full of monsters, it seems like only the scariest, most loving monster can protect you from them. He's powerful and protective, and he cares for me so much that he's willing to set the whole world on fire just to keep me safe.
3) Responsibility. As you realize there are paternal issues and co-dependency in this relationship and you can't completely submit to anyone in real life, I don't think I need to explain why it's a dangerous idea to seek this kind of relationship in real life. You have to remain an independent adult and seek safety for yourself without expecting someone to come along and heal all your wounds. But it is a fantasy, and you can finally use it as a comforting fantasy without fear of being taken advantage of, without shame of being called infantile, childish, etc.
4) Independence. Spawn's ending is very scary for those who have issues with feeling safe and independent, because some of us prefer violent power fantasies over "we have each other and that's all that matters."
Second, this ending also has a kind of shadowy co-dependency that can be a trigger for some people. I love Spun Astarion a little more than Asc, and yet my heart was left absolutely broken after the fleeing from the sun scene, and I hate that he's so dependent on Tav. Larian owe me emotional compensation after that.
5) Sexual Trauma: this wasn't even considered by the writer as a possibility for healing, but for some people it is. Asc Astarion feels like he's the most powerful being in the world and has complete control over everything that happens between him and Tav, so it's finally a kind of situation where there's no chance of him being abused again. This is one of the reasons why some people become Doms in BDSM relationships: finally total control over the process and a partner who trusts in a way that is completely submissive. Trust issues are also a big problem in Astarion's healing story.
I find the idea that only Sab can enjoy Asc Astarion a bit naive. Because, well, I have news for you: the Doms like him too, because they understand why he's so eager to be top
Unrealistic, not the healthiest way? Maybe!!! But this man and this love is still not realistic.
Yes, I think many of us, especially those who have been through therapy and have done a lot of self-reflection, already understand that it's basically a romanticized version of narcissistic obsession, and it's creepy in real life, but it's not real, it's fantasy.
People use BDSM for healing, romance books, and all other forms of art to deal with their inner demons, and that's totally fine.
Even if someone is blind and can't see what's wrong with Asc Astarion, I highly doubt a toxic bucket of shame and aggression can help someone see the problematic side of things. You know who usually romanticizes toxic dynamics in romantic relationships? Victims of abuse. In real life, if you yell and scream at any poor girl/guy about how stupid they are for believing that their abusive partner actually loves them, people will either break down and cry or tell you to "fuck off," and they have every right to, but they won't see what's wrong with their partner, who quite often abuse victims see as their only source of love and security in life.
Damn it, I'm so tired of this toxic stream of "knights in white coats rescuing from abusive relationships" in this fandom. If you really want to enlighten people - do it with extreme care and compassion.
Healing in real life doesn't work the way it does with Astarion in the game, a few proper dialogs and boom, dude's on the right track. It takes a tremendous amount of patience and love, be good to each other and stay safe, darlings.
By being toxic on Asc fans you are not helping anyone, you are pushing the button of your superiority complex up your own ***.
Treating others with your lethal dose of poison is laughable.
/ Pardon the wall of text, and apologize for the grammar, English is not my first language\."
Thanks to the esteemed author if she sees this. Rays of love and kindness.
