the one way through which you can progress the romance is incredibly shallow.
The only way you can keep the romance status is to tell Astarion that you care about him without any reservations. Especially in the Post-Araj scene this is jarring, since in this version his confession that he only used you, comes without remorse, worse he is making fun of you for having been so easy. (...) Yet the PC is not allowed to have conflicting feelings, to be torn between being in love with Astarion but also feeling hurt by him, to maybe even feel disgusted by themselves for involuntarily having added to Astarion's discomfort.
To write about relationships, especially difficult ones, you have to consider both participants and with the exception of Durge maybe, Astarion's romance does a horrible job envisioning the PC and the PC's feelings.
+1 Exactly this thought I had, when I was looking up the possible answers. Astarion is really selfish and mean, laughing about Tav.. but no possibiliy to react on this. I really don't see Astarion as an angel in his act 2 scenes, he cares for himself, not for Tav (or because of the lack of good answers.)
This is a great point. The ability to forgive him while still expressing that he hurt you would be a great opportunity for to further a complex romance.
I think this issue is one that's recurring throughout the game at various points and isn't unique to this romance. I find that pretty consistently, the game doesn't approach Tav as though thy are a character with an internal life beyond the most shallow surface level. I theorise that Larian's philosophy overall with his game is rather Tav and to a large extent Durge are both simply vessels for the player to interact with the game world. Stuff happens around and to them and they are the method of we the player reacting to them and seeing what happens as a result.
