I'm going to agree with something starryophonic wrote, which is that relationships can be complex without introducing problematic content.
I'll also out myself somewhat by stating that I am a submissive and a masochist. Most of the time, when I see kink portrayed in media (be that literature, video games, or what have you) it's poorly done and misrepresents how much of a role consent, trust and negotiation between partners plays in the relationship.
I think it's fair to say that Astarion (UA and AA) touches on themes of dominance and submission, but without fully engaging with them (the game flirts with the subject, but doesn't explore it beyond a few winks). I think it would have been interesting to embrace the subject more, with Tav and Astarion having at least a conversation about preferences and boundaries.
One of my gripes with UA has always been that he turns fairly vanilla, as if the kink was just part of his act. Which bothers me on several levels. At the most basic, there's a subtle implication that kink is somehow 'wrong' in that only an evil character would partake. It would have been nice to see UA and Tav engaging in some dialogue about what he enjoys/wants to explore now that he's decided a physical relationship with Tav is back on the table.
I think that gets to a lot of what bothers me about the AA hate discourse. I definitely feel this twinge of kinkshaming to the criticism. I mentioned before that a clip of post-Ascension Astarion telling Tav "you await my command" seemed to instill a lot of ill feelings in people who don't prefer that path and is one of the many pieces of evidence presented that AA is abusive (and to be fair, some folks who like AA don't like that line either). I'll out myself a bit too and say that line felt like it was speaking directly to my kinks. Every time I re-watch that scene you pretty much have to peel me off the floor.
And honestly, and this is something I'm fully willing to admit could be me reading way too much into it, but I read a little bit of kinkshaming into some of the companions' reactions too. Pretty much none of them approve of the Ascension, which doesn't mean they don't approve of D/S, but there's this air of, "Astarion is clearly evil now. I can't quantify in what way he's more evil than before (again, the 7k souls could still die even without ascension), but just look at him!" Very Willow from Buffy, "I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!"
Karlach is the only one who acknowledges Tav being a spawn and her line, "I hope he treats you well, if he's even able to" just reads as so condescending and makes me feel like all the companions look at spawn Tav with pity, even though transforming was entirely their decision. I've killed at least one avatar of a god at this point. I think if my vampire boyfriend gets a little overactive, I can handle it.
I don't see AA as an abuser; rather, I see him as a dom "finally free to explore his own desires" as he says in Sharess' Caress," but I wish that side had been better explored beyond "evil bad guy dominant now rawr rawr" because it definitely seemed like they were starting to steer in a more complex direction, and then kind of petered out. It would have been really nice to see this stuff explored meaningfully in a video game, with the caveat that I would have expected them to consult with an actual member of the community to make sure the portrayal is as accurate as possible, within the rules of the game's world.
