I chewed on somewhat similar romances that I could recommend because of similarities to Astarion yesterday in my sleep, as they might help someone.
Interesting, your list has pretty much all of my gaming romances on it! Daeran, Fenris, Zevran. Only Tristian from Pathfinder: Kingmaker is missing. But he's a kind character, even too kind - so much so that it makes him seem ill-equipped for life. Although the world of Pathfinder is not as cruel as the world of BG3, but still, it feels like if you don't take care of Tristian, if you don't take him "under your shield", then someone is bound to trick him, use him, and everything may not end well. It's not that he looks like Astarion; Astarion is much better at navigating the reality around him than Tristian. But there is vulnerability, and touching, and a certain fragility in Tristian... It has its own heavy backstory with exile and captivity, the novel is heartwarming, with dramatic moments. It's more likely to be recommended to those who like UA and fantasize about a kind and gentle Astarion. A bit similar, but without all the torment, burning, having to manipulate him into staying a spawn, and stuff like that. Tristian is a really kind and gentle character with a difficult past who you can help, who will love you and care for you, and you can have a wonderful happy ending "together forever" with the good option of gaining immortality for you, and Tristian is already immortal due to his angelic nature.
Iron Bull is really ugly. Dragon Age Inquisition tried to make the companions as unattractive as possible. I was interested only in Dorian, just because of his intelligence and sarcasm, and when I found out his orientation, it was the last straw, after which I quit the game. I could, of course, start over and choose a male Tav, but unfortunately I couldn't recommend Dragon Age Inquisition to anyone to play through primarily because of the quality of the game itself. The gameplay and combat is reminiscent of an MMO, the gameplay is boring. The level of marysue, of how much everyone marvels at Tav, is just off the charts, the game looks very unrealistic because of it. I don't see a problem with companions having a specific sexual orientation and if the game itself was good, I'd replay and change my gender. Although, I think in that case it would be nice to introduce some sort of option to change Tav's gender in the game itself so as not to force a spoiler-free player to start the game over again.
Daeran I thought was the best romance until I met Astarion. I think Daeran and Astarion could very well be friends if they met in the same world. Daeran has a great sense of humor too, and his lines and reasoning are interesting. The way he ironizes and overthrows any "authority", mocking both the good and the evil, certainly makes his character very appealing. Daeran NE, he has a very interesting personal quest, you can safely fulfill his quest, kill an innocent character in his plot (though only one), Daeran, in general, can also be considered dangerous to the world (to say why would be too fat spoiler), but nothing will happen to you for it. There will only be interesting dialog and a strengthening of the bond between you. Daeran can be sexualized all you want, he'll be all for it, and he's always willing. Although he is initially a polyamorous character and will bring sex workers directly to camp and have fun with them, when you start a relationship, unless you offer the option to "add a third", which is possible in the game, Daeran himself will not do it. He will choose you over everyone else. This is a great example of how to do romance well with an "evil" character, and how to give the possibility of polyamorous relationships in the game, while not imposing anything on monogamous players.
Zevran at one time had me restarting and going through the game all over again to avoid breaking up with Alistair. He shows up pretty late, so if you don't know about him beforehand, you can start a relationship with someone else before that. But the game is good and it's not hard to do, it's better than hurting Alistair and watching a relationship breakup scene.
Fenris does have something in common with Astarion. He too is a "trust no one" kind of guy, his trust has to be earned. Playing a mage in this case is especially interesting, he hates mages for obvious reasons, and the story of a mage trying to warm his heart and show him that they deserve his trust is a very good one.
Yeah, and none of these romances are going to make you feel bad. No one will teach you. But still, Astarion - in himself, as a person, as a character, his love, for me became much dearer than all other, albeit wonderful, romantic companions. No one else could evoke such feelings as he did. And if I could "take him and move him to another game", like BG2, that would be happiness, but it's impossible. I don't think anyone can replace him for me, unfortunately, at least at this stage of life. Although old romances are nice to remember, starting some other one now is like getting into a new relationship if you love someone else. Better to have no romances at all.
But I realized that you have a completely different approach to romance, you look at it as a story, a separate story, not your personal story, not for the sake of the romance itself. I get the opposite, I maybe even get too "immersed", and I love Astarion, I want to be with him, and I want him to be happy. That's why we have such different attitudes towards this story.
What's inappropriate is, to dictate players how they should feel or play. There are consequences in RPGs, but no punishment of players. Such a system is not appropriated . And wouldn't work.
As we could see in the evil run, which has less content than a good run. Players (whether they are morally good or bad) who decide to make an evil run and let their tav take over at the end, besides of having less quests during their journey, will get a more or less bad ending (in the sense of, not so well done in comparision to other endings, very short). Funny but even Astarion complained about you, what you have done, right after encouraging you. So there are people who think, making evil choices in BG3 punishes the player (if it's true or not I don't judge here), because there is less content = less hours, and shorter endings.
A quick side note: When announcing the new evil endings, some people suggested in the discord channel: Don't improve the evil endings! If players choose the bad/evil ending, they should (!) feel bad (!) about it! (They = real players.)
Did the "evil run" or evil ending with less content, teach the players, who chose it, anything? Did they rethink their lives? Or how they like to roleplay in a game? Well. No, of course not. It's impossible to force people or dictate them how they should "feel" or play, you can surpress them, you can blame them, kinkshame, but you cannot form them to your will. You cannot force people to dislike things or the opposite to like things, or change their personalities. Or tastes. You can only surpress them and make them angry on you. A method of teaching and punishment in an RPG is more than dubios. You find such things in some other systems.
In an RPG people play different characters, whatever they play, it's not of the business of others. There should be consequences in the story, but never punishment.
+1000!
