I don’t mind putting problematic bits in romances, if well done, with warning signs enough (I find some of what I experienced in BG3 too ambiguous or badly marketed), and also a coherent respect for agency (from player character to player, I don’t think it’s good to put them back against a wall with no narrative tool to get out of it, most of all when the story still gives them some free will, resources and friends).
In the presentation (thanks for the video by the way) it’s mostly about the player character and what they can do to Astarion, rather than the other way around. I don’t mind options to portray that, in regard to your lover, or your friends and others on the way. You can role play a bad character, at least one that would be in that mindset. Or it’s even your thing. But the dialogue options and the scenes are quite on the nose. So I don’t know if, in that case, it really makes people feel bad. I mean, I don’t really think it’s like you’re going somewhere unexpected. Maybe it would have to be more subtle and better crafted to really have an impact, to me at least.
I have problems with the Astarion romance too. Spawn and ascended endings both. It’s the first I did and I still love the character. But Anska wrote a few things that I tend to agree with. And personally, I don’t feel like it’s a relationship I’m actually welcome in. The way the character is, but also the way it’s handled. My character is there for it, I’m there for it, and I just feel like a passive prop and it goes nowhere near where I would actually find it interesting to go. And I wouldn’t mind the looming threat of loss of agency and such with ascended Astarion, but even if it’s there in the story, I don’t feel like it’s focused on in a satisfying way. It was much better when I tried Lae’Zel and Halsin (no matter that one’s other potential problems).
I don’t know if it’s just me too, but I don’t feel like certain things on that list are that novel. I mean, in the Dragon Age series alone, even if it’s been a while. I remember making Alistair king as a non Cousland in Origins, which gives a certain twist to the romance. The friendly or antagonistic system in Dragon Age 2 was also something. And the case of Anders there. There’s Solas in Inquisition, a few things with Sera, and also the outcome with The Iron Bull in the DLC Trespasser (one path after his quest in game makes for quite the surprise there). Maybe it’s just me who doesn’t understand what they were trying to say in their presentation, but I guess I don’t get it completely.
I don’t really think, just my own point of view, that the game is over sexualised. To me it’s just sometimes a bit over the top, with what feels to me like tokens and gimmicks here and there, maybe even some shock value, and it isn’t necessarily worked on enough to fit with the rest. Outside of romance, I also found it a bit too much. Mizora’s offer happened a bit out of nowhere to me, honestly. It’s better for the Emperor, and I suppose it depends how your character connected to him or not, but still. I found that the bit with Haarlep lacked a lot of subtlety. Again, might be just me, but I find it all very superficial. In the video they remind the audience of the Dragon Age : Origins sex scenes, how they had people laughing and how badly they aged. To me, it’s also possible to go for racy or titillating without being too graphic, and still produce a cringe scene that will age badly. I’d say maybe it’s about style and substance both.
I think though that the marketing was a bit over sexualised, at least it worked hard with that aspect present. And I’ve always found it funny that Astarion, the objectified one whose romance is made to touch a lot on this, has been used so much to that effect (bear scene, drips, etc.).
