Oh, that is a surprise. I had assumed that the Araj version was the failsafe, because it's easy to reach while you have to match several prerequisites to achieve the Yurgir version. The reasoning is also peculiar to me, because the Araj version - while very interesting - makes me think that the writing's hope and intention here was that you break up with him.
trigger warning for sexual abuse
The writing, to me, heavily implies that it's not all that healthy for Astarion to pursue a romantic and/or sexual relationship right now. In fact, it seemed incredibly obvious to me to the point I was surprised more people don't talk about it. I think it's because it's something most people won't notice without experience.
When he told me he didn't feel comfortable having sex and I broke up with him, he was relieved. In a run where we stopped having sex but kept dating, spawn Astarion was relieved when I said we didn't have to have sex after we killed cazador. He seems to have trouble saying no to sex he doesn't want to have even to a partner he trusts, considering he dissociates during the brothel scene.
He doesn't even know if he can consent or wants it at all because it's been at long since he's been given a choice. He also obviously believes that if he doesn't have sex with a partner they'll leave him. I know he seems alright with polyam as long as it's not because he won't have sex with you, but I have no idea what he does if you say it is because of that. Either way it shows it's a worry.
As a person who has been there, someone saying "I can wait" implies that eventually they expect sex at some point. Which means they're going to end it if they think that point will never arrive. When you're desperate not to lose someone and are used to having sex you don't want to in order to keep people happy, it's easy to convince yourself you're ready before you really are. It's easy to think that once you don't have an "excuse" anymore that your partner will expect you to be over it. Especially since, unfortunately, a lot of people do believe those things.
To be clear, I am not saying that Astarion can't consent or that it's wrong to romance him or ascend him or anything. I did a spawn romance, a durge and ascended astarion queerplatonic thing, and am doing an origin run that will end with ascended astarion dating minthara. It's roleplay in a video game.
