I found this video with the scene I'm talking about, in full release
Thank you! It feels like there's a definite parallel between this scene and the Oblodra bite scene. It completely explains the reasons why the mean Tav can force Astarion to bite Oblodra, why Astarion can't refuse them (although at some other times Astarion can very actively and emotionally demand something), and how his trauma manifests itself in this case. Cazador was forcing Astarion to drink vile blood or else he would face terrible punishment. The scene with Oblodra shows an example of PTSD manifestation in its purest form, maybe that's why Tav's support means so much to Astarion that he decides to confess later. And a rather spontaneous confession, and the confession after Yurgir looks more prepared. In this case, what I considered as a matter of course in the first playthrough and paid too much attention to Oblodra's rudeness and impudence, meant a lot to Astarion, and Oblodra's rudeness meant nothing to him at all, Oblodra is the same putrid rat, that's why he was so confused and didn't look like himself in this scene, it's PTSD.
My point was that it comes from earlier in development than Ulma, and he seems to imply he's seen Cazador feed (I assumed they'd be dinning in the same room, right?). Which contradicts Ulma's claims that he never corrects. Then again, for all we know: Cazador could've fed in front of Astarion, and it wouldn't have meant that those victims can't become vampire spawn. But I guess Ulma didn't expect that he was turning them to spawn.
It seems to me that Cazador could have uttered the phrase “have dine with him” as a bullying phrase. And he could have just watched it. But he could also have drank the blood of his victim, but then he would have to either expel Astarion in the process, or afterward carry the victim away to where he would carry out the process of turning them into spawn. Ulma definitely had no way of knowing this, none of the spawns serving Cazador knew this, Cazador hid the preparations for the ritual from everyone. Astarion learns of the ritual from Raphael, Cazador tells the rest of the spawns about the ritual in the last stage of preparation for it. At the same time, no one knows about the 7000 spawns in the cages, only that a powerful ritual will be performed. The other spawns couldn't know about them either, much less Ulma. The most the Gur could scout was the general fortifications, the guards, maybe some information about the castle they still had from that failed attack. Her words might be those of someone who clings to hope and believes what she wants to believe. Why doesn't Astarion correct her? Well, he says the children are probably dead. Astarion won't want to divulge details of his past to outsiders, that's for sure. That could also be an explanation. Astarion tells only Tav about his past, and not all of it. For example, the story with the boy he only tells if Tav condemns him, he reacts emotionally to that condemnation and it prompts him to tell. If Tav fully supports him and doesn't condemn him, Astarion won't tell anything. It's hard to talk about these things, and there are times when Astarion wants to talk, but obviously not in front of strangers (he also gets nervous, slumps his shoulders, and gives Tav a lot of disapproval if Tav blabs Astarion's biggest fear to an outsider dryad). Does it make sense for him to remember it again if he had such “dining” with Cazador, much less talk about it? Astarion likely thinks the children are dead, and agrees to help in the first place so that Tav doesn't go into Cazador's castle without him, wanting to save them. Ulma is hardly of any importance to him when his thoughts are occupied with the upcoming battle with Cazador and the ritual.
