I mean, why would you even want exactly the terrified expression on your face when kissing AA, rather than the gentle kisses you've had for 6 months? Then you wouldn't have a problem with roleplaying, obviously.

In the spawn transformation scene, he did not refuse to be gentle with Tav if Tav asked for it. Why should he refuse to kiss Tav tenderly if Tav wants it? I don't see a single reason for refusal. He's had a tender kiss 5 patches in a row, so it's a tender kiss for him absolutely in character and canon. That's how he was originally written: a seducer, not a rapist.

As I've written before, you have the right to demand a reaction that fits your character's personality, but your desire directly affects more than just your roleplay in this matter.

Both gentle and dominant kisses make sense to AA, but Tav could choose either one. AA wouldn't have said no - based on the entire context of the romance with him that I've known for 5 patches.

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even though both a happy and an unhappy Tav have always been narratives supported by various dialogue options

The game has dialog options of Tav, who is completely on his side, and Tav, who disapproves of him / wants to leave. There are no options in the dialog suggesting that Tav is a victim of sexual and physical violence, so that the violent kisses and the horror on Tav's face would be justified for this dialog option. It's not like it's throughout Act 3, where you still have the option to break up with him, but also in the epilogue, where that option is no longer available. If I'm wrong, please remind me of these dialog options. A judgmental Tav will say what she thinks to his face in the dialogs after the ritual. The unfortunate Tav only appears in the epilogue, and that, their altercations with the lord look more like spouses arguing than a rapist-victim dynamic, there's no dialog that implies violence between them. The very fact that Astarion came with Tav to the party is already atypical of abusers who try to shut victims out of contact with family and friends. “Have fun with your so-called friends.” Yes, certainly Tav can be miserable, stuck in a relationship she doesn't want, but the fear of punishment isn't there. I don't deny that not being able to break up with the lord is a serious problem for Tav, who wants it, that the relationship then becomes a trap, but I don't understand the logic why fear and violence should be part of these dialog options by default. None of the dialog in the epilogue hints at this. It's clear from the dialogs that Tav lives in a sort of golden cage, and AA cares for Tav to the extent that he understands it. Doesn't torture Tav or anything like that. In fact, only the kisses themselves show violence, which wasn't the case before patch 6. Is that the reason you want to keep them?

And actually, you know, the topic of abuse is a pretty serious one, and I don't think kinky kissing is exactly the presentation that the topic deserves. If Larian wanted to show the “cycle of abuse” in this way, it's a questionable way to do it. Although the fact that they changed Tav's reaction to consent suggests that they weren't that serious about it. And it's all the more strange to give such content on Valentine's Day, half a goal after the game's release.