Larian Studios Forums Baldur's Gate III Baldur's Gate III - Suggestions & Feedback Romances Without Sex

I just want to start by saying that I absolutely love this game! The characters are great, and all of the romances are extremely well-written. With all of that being said, however, there is one thing that has been really bothering me. Every romance option except Wyll requires the player to consent to a sexual relationship in order to pursue a romantic one (you could bring up Astarion, who later shows interest in a romantic relationship without sex, but you still need to have sex with him in the beginning in order to get to that point).

I would like to suggest a dialogue option where you can ask for a non-sexual romantic relationship (even if some companions wouldn't be happy with that). This could essentially toggle whether or not your character has sex during the romance. This option would be great for players who are asexual (but not necessarily aromantic), players who have complicated relationships with sex, or even players who just want to play a character who has taken a vow of chastity (like a monk or cleric).

I know it would be a lot of work just to include this one option, but it would mean the world for people who currently feel excluded or uncomfortable with the current romances, and Larian has clearly shown that player inclusion and safety is a top priority (I don't think that I would even be suggesting this if I didn't think it would be taken seriously).

I'd also like that, especially since some work in that direction has been made, but only for some of the Origins. For example, Astarion's Act 1 romance has been modified for Karlach, who cannot touch anyone at that point in the story, it has however not been modified for Gale who, due to his highly unstable orb, also stays away from all undue excitement in Act 1. It's nice, when they do special things for the Origins, but it would be nicer if there was a general alternative that would then get modified to suite the specific Origin - better for all.

I agree, that would be much nicer. As things currently are, the characters are given a lot more agency in this respect (especially Astarion) than the players are. Which is kind of odd when you think about it: the game simply doesn't have an option for someone who would relate the most to one of the main romancable character's needs in a relationship.

Hum, as a sex-neutral ace person, I would like to be supportive, but honestly the scenes as they stand (I mean, particularly in the latter part of act 3) need more work before they go about making an ace option and a toggle on/off. Act 3 Shadowheart spoilers: So yeah, polishing the current scenes is where I’m hoping they’ll allocate their resources at the moment.

I would like to think that both could be done! At this point, Larian has gained a reputation for releasing very large patches for the game, and they haven't shown any indication that they're going to stop releasing them anytime soon.

A non-sexual romantic relationship?

You mean, a friendship? Yeah, I can see that, totally. No need to complicate it further.

No, I don't mean a friendship. Not all romantic relationships require sex. There is already an example of such a relationship later in the game with Astarion (which I've already alluded to in my original post), so I know that this isn't a foreign concept to the writers.

Also, just because you might not see the need for something doesn't mean that it wouldn't be important for others. What I'm suggesting is adding an extra option that can be avoided if what I'm describing isn't your jam.

I don't think I could deal with any more non-traditional sex content. I find it all distracting and heavy handed. In my opinion, it detracts from the enjoyment of the game when it gets to be overwhelming.

I definitely get what you mean, romantic relationships without sex are a real thing. Shadowheart’s heavy demi vibe scratches that itch for me personally. Like, I’m neutral about the sexual aspects, but I know that some people are averse. It’s a valid perspective, for sure. However. At risk of sounding like a broken record. I’m not sure if the developers would consider allocating resources to making ace romances… like I’m going to be real with you, the game has so many issues as is, I doubt that it would ever happen. But it could be a mod? Hmmm… it would be a tough one to make, though. (If you’re interested in ace romances, a game like Stardew Valley would be a lot easier to mod.)

For some of the romances, like Shadowheart’s, adding an ace dialogue option could work with some minor tweaks to her scenes, but I feel like for somebody like Astarion or Lae’zel, or Karlach, that would be a lot harder to implement, and would probably require new motion capture work and voice acting.

An extra dialogue option that you would never have to choose would be distracting?

Oh, it would totally require new motion capture work and voice acting, but so did a few of the other more recent patches (especially patch 5 with the MASSIVE epilogue). And we never know if it can be done until we ask, right? In any case, I am very glad that you agree that this merits discussion, and I do appreciate your perspective as well.

Astarion isn't a good example cause he's very much not ace, he just needs some time between Act 2 and Cazador.

I genuinely think you do. Romance and sex are tied together. If sex is out of the picture, there is no romantic interest - period. You end up with a friendly or familiar bond, but not 'something else'.


They do, or they're not romantic relationships.


Oh, stop your crying. I actually agree with you. I want the ability to befriend the companions, rather than bang all of them. I'd liek to talk to Gale about magic in camp, without it turning into some awkward gay romance scene. I just want to be friendly to my friends. If you want to call that a non-sexual romance option or whatever for your level 12 inclusionist - be my guest.

Instead of adding more romance variants Larian should allocate resources to the paper thin non-romance part of the characters.

Sadly, sex and romance drive sales....

I never said that he was, just that the time he takes while he still considers both of you in a relationship is a great example of what I'm talking about (a romance without sex), and that would be beneficial to many players including, but certainly not limited to, people who are asexual.

It's clear by now that you are either unwilling or unable to grasp this concept. Either way, I won't be wasting any more of my time trying to explain it to you.

I'm sure both could be done! I would also like the option to become better friends with the characters, so I don't think the two ideas are mutually exclusive.

You can most definitely have romance without sex, as well as you can have sex without romance.

I think the game is currently seeing friendship as something lesser than romance and a lot of things are locked in the romance tracks. For example the "How are you feeling?" question which you can use to ask Gale about his mental well being and his thoughts on the Crown is within the relationship menu. It's a bit odd, since I'd assume a good friend would also be interested in this - and why shouldn't he be able to plot getting the Crown with a good friend either?

I also wish there was a little more ace/demi-friendly romance around, though I'm not sure how easy it would be to add in (I agree that it seems easier for some companions than others).

Imo, I think part of the problem is that the pace of the relationship seems entirely dependent on the COMPANION, not the player. For example, if you're romancing Astarion, you have to sleep with him early on. There's no option to tell him that you'd like to wait, or that you're interested in a non-sexual relationship with him. I haven't experimented with the other romance options much, but from what OP said, I'm assuming they put you in a similar situation. I wish there was an option for all of the characters to wait until the end of their arc ("wait until we know each other better"), because even someone interested in a sexual relationship may not want it right off the bat. And while yeah, companion characters may have their own preferences... this is still a game, and they were all designed to be attracted to the player regardless of race/gender, so I don't see why some flexibility about the pace of the relationship would break with the design philosophy. At least having the companions who will eventually "require" sex slow things down a little so you can get to know them before making that choice.

For Astarion, he could still try to "seduce" the player character while keeping their actual desires in mind, since his goal is self-preservation. (I personally think it'd be kinda funny to watch him try to figure out what to do to "seduce" someone without actually sleeping with them, but that's just me).
For Karlach, I could maybe see an option to have some level of physical affection, like hugging and cuddling, without having to require sex asap.
For Lae'zel, I ran away from her flirting too fast to pay much attention to how her attitude might play out with this.
For Gale, Wyll, and Shadowheart, I feel like their romance storylines wouldn't be too hard to adjust for a character who wanted to delay / exclude sex.

Obviously, this would make things a lot more complicated to write, so I don't really blame the writers for not investing their time here.

Honestly, I think my main wish was just to have dialogue options that better express my actual thoughts. There's no way to distinguish between "I'm in into YOU, personally" and "I do not sleep with people that easily" / "I don't sleep with people, period." The game seems written to expect that everyone has a high sex drive by default most of the time, and while that's probably a good match for a lot of people picking up the game ready to date their companion of choice, it got frustrating at times to not have dialogue options that reflect what's actually on my mind. There were definitely a few times where I wished for something more like "I'm into you as a person, but I don't like jumping into physical relationships that quickly." Kind of like that one scene of Gale's where you could choose between imagining a kiss or imagining holding hands -- I really liked that option for expressing an interest in romance that wasn't so focused on sexual attraction.

Somewhat related, but I think there were one or two places where I also wanted the option to say "I have an EXCLUSIVE partner already" I think with some of the side characters; it felt very strange to be responding to these as if the sole determining factor was how I felt about the character propositioning me, when my point would be more like "It actually doesn't matter whether I'd be into you or not. I'm already committed to someone." (These would be minor tweaks and it was really weird to me that the option wasn't there, since the origin companions are all exclusive to each other)

I certainly feel like there are bigger priorities of things to fix with the writing if they're going to be making changes (Hello, Act 3...), but the game does seem to pride itself on the companion interactions, so having some more flexibility with the relationships would be nice.