It could also be - if you keep his select line in mind and the way the ascended kiss animations end - that he simply does not want to be touched. Just as a thought.
All his lines, all his possessive impulses, his very desire for 'Mine forever', 'don't go far away', even the looks, the way the Ascended Astarion looks at Tav, don't add up to this. 'Look at us. We share a palace, share power, live lives eternal in each other's arms. What more could anyone want?' That someone in the writers wanted the player not to touch Astarion is believable, and in trying to create that feeling too. I understand what you're saying, of course, it was that feeling of rejection, and that was what hurt me after patch 6, not the whole “you can't part with him”, “he's controlling” and so on. But that doesn't sound like Astarion himself at all.
I am not sure, if I understand you properly. The "Don't touch me" line when selecting him has been in the game since release and it's pretty much in line with what he tells you in act 2. I was more surprised that UA and the player are kissing each other so much according to Lae'zel's comment - but then, Lae'zel is very uncomfortable with PDA in general. (You have to intimidate or persuade her to get kisses from her.) I guess, that's at least a hint that the graveyard date might have gone well.
