The fact that you think someone must be willing to sacrifice their people, abandon their beliefs, and even die in order for their love for you to count is genuinely terrifying. I hope you talk through these issues with your therapist and work on developing the ability to view other people as autonomous beings and relationships as complex and diverse.
Really? Imagine your wife has been deeply loyal to her people and country since birth - willing to die to protect both. But it's Nazi Germany, and it was recently announced that Jews are arch enemies. Now imagine you are her Jewish husband. What should she choose: report you to the Gestapo as an enemy of the German people, or hide you, risk her life, and become an enemy of the very state she's devoted to? Ask your therapist which choice in this case represents true loyalty to a loved person.
