For me roleplay is "what would I do if I were in such a setting" rather than "today I'm evil, tomorrow I'm good". Astarion and Gale are very transparent, with clear and simple motivations. They never turn against you, unlike Laezel or Shadowheart.
They half of the time don't know their own motivations. Astarion attacks you at night and is very much not sincere, as has been pointed out by the others. What Gale tells you about himself and how he presents himself to you is hugely dependent on what you play as (melee class, cleric, sorcerer &c ), if you romance him or not (he is a very private person) or how much you needle him about his secret. He has (potentially) the most drawn out and elaborate secret-reveal of the whole gang and it's arguably worse for a goody-two-shoes character because, to see how guilty he feels about keeping his secret, you have to be a bit of an ass to him and in general. And yes they both can turn against you if you violate their trust much like Lae'zel and Shadowheart do.
It's also not about "today I'm evil, tomorrow I'm good" - of course you can approach roleplay from the perspective of what you would to in the situation, you can also imagine what another character/person would do in the situation, how would they be affected by what's going? How would they further their plans?
But, no, she's already shown up twice more asking to join the team. And honestly, it's getting on my nerves. Does she have two personalities - one begging for friendship and trust while the other pushes you away with arrogance? Again, if she doesn't like me - au revoir and good luck. But have some dignity and stop approaching me. It's just pathetic. Don't you think?
I am not sure if you are serious or if you are just playing up the outrage for the fun of it and a spot of trolling, I am leaning towards the latter but if it's the former, that is a lot of upset over a pixel-girl.
Secondly, I never got the impression that she is approaching you, all of her meetings with you (iirc I haven't had the one at the goblin camp in a while) are staged as chance meetings. She is a girl on a mission, same as you she is aware that she needs a healer but she also needs to get her box to Baldur's Gate, so your paths cross, same with Lae'zel who is on her mission to find a crèche. Karlach is busy shaking off her pursuers, Wyll has bigger problems but stops at the Grove to gather information and help out (Good boy), Gale is stuck ... and Astarion has no planning skills at all so he just stands there until someone finds him. But they all have their own stories going on - On a meta-level, yes the game is pushing Shadowheart on you hard, but on a story-level you just bump into each other.
For some odd reason, I've noticed that in comparison to other Durge playthroughs I've seen for a resisting Durge, I actually did not get certain scenes I have seen with others before. Must be some awkward Long Rest timing causing you to straight up skip certain camp events at times.
Yes, the Long Rest timing can be very awkward in some cases, I had issues with it during my first run (with Avatar-Astarion) too, but especially in Rivington it can be a problem because you just don't have to long rest a lot in the area naturally because it is so dialogue heavy. I missed Orin's Zevlor art-project that way, which isn't as much of a bummer as missing a scene for your character, of course.
In total I've had... the butler encounter with the dead bard in act 1, then after meeting Isobel I had the butler telling me to kill her, then after saving Nightsong and not killing Isobel I had the butler telling me to kill my romantic partner, then after refusing that he showed up at the entrance to Bhaal's temple. Aside from choosing some Durge specific intimidates, I've resisted the urge every chance I was given. From what I understand, with some patches they've mostly added things to a Durge embracing the urge, but the resisting variant is rather underdeveloped in comparison in my experience.
I lost interest in Durge halfway through act 1 because of that. I got the impression that the Origin mostly caters to the deranged serial killer fantasy and does not bother with the anxiety of your own mind turning against you. I tried to lean hard into the horror angle both after the Alfira-incident and the first butler visit, but was a bit surprised with how little the game allowed me to freak out, lean into and stew in the discomfort of the atrocity my character had just committed. I think you can't even feed that damn cloak to Gale, but I might be wrong about that. To me it seemed to be heavily player-focused, tempting you to click outrageous chat-options to satisfy the itch to find out what happens, while resisting it is more about you the player resisting temptation than about Durge wrestling with their broken mind. But I only experienced the very start of it, so that might not at all be accurate.
Thank you for answering, I had wondered if the butler serves a similar purpose as Tara does when you play as Gale. While for Avatar-Gale all the companions have their normal, more or less elaborate reactions to his story-beats (if you debug them) Tara is present as your confidant whom you can discuss your quest with in more depth and who points you to the next stop of your journey (for example, she reminds Gale how highly he had always spoken of Sorcerous Sundries which otherwise is Gale's own suggestion) and I had imagined the butler would do the same for Durge. Some players seem to be quite fond of him.
Jaheira and Minsc are great!
