The behaviour you call contemporary is anything but. It's routed in inequality and the second part in not being allowed to voice your desires for fear of being chastised. Which is also what is going on in Shadowheart's case. She loves nature, animals and wants close connections but her Sharran "upbringing" and the wound on her hand tell her to abstain from these things.
Tell me honestly - would you date a drug-addicted, abusive, aggressive guy? Or any other personality you find repulsive. You'll probably guess where this question is heading - but answer honestly anyway.