Hello.

Today I've typed a lot of older works. Here they are :


Distant

I watch you from afar
like a distant star
See how your world bloomed
and blossomed
while mine’s turning into grey,
fading away.

We could’ve been together
- be one -
but my way was hindered
through pain and fear
wrought to none.

I wish I could’ve told you so
but my fear was greater than my strtength
I wasn’t able to.
Now I live lonely
like an hermit
dreaming of Love
dreaming of how it could’ve been.

Longing for Love, I fade away.

(10.7.2005)

(Dedicated to someone I know.)

Annotations : The line „whilke mine’s turning into grey“ was in the original writing „while mine’s turning to grey“.


All Alone (Dedicated to all lonely people)


All alone ... We were broken hearts.
Shattered around like broken glass.
Lying around yearning for love,
flying around, like leaves in the wind.

All alone ... we were broken hearts,
Broken shards, broken glass.
The loneliness is our damnation,
We don’t know whether we will be free.

Broken glass, shattered shards,
Could someone please put together these broken parts ?
I’m yearning for love like the sleeper for spring.
I’d like to see the futuire what it might bring.

Wishing for love.


(26.11.2003)

Annotations : In the original writing there was „leafes“ instead of „leaves“.


Poetry from the Darkness

I’ve lost my self,
I’ve lost my time
But I still know I’m here


I’ve lost my path
I’ve lost my self
I’ve lost my way
I’ve lost my inner self

Who am I ?

Am I lost ?

- I am lost

my path has darkened.

I am lost
but still I need

my friends, my relationships

as anchors to the light

Light ! - shining into Darkness


I’m lost , I’m lost

I’m struggling over my pathway.
I don’t know what it will bring

I feel so lost without any ...
But I still know : I am here at all
I hope here at all.


(Written in Darkness 23.2.2005)

Annotations : Due to the fact that this text was written in darkness, some things remain uncertain, especially the building of lines and the separation between them.

There is a word after „shining into Darkness“ which remains rartially unreadable. It begins with „sp“ and the following letter could be an „r“ or an „a“. After that, there seem to be one or two letters which look like „le“. After that there is a clear „.“ .

The last lines are written over one another. the writing „I am here at all“ and „I hope here at all“ are written over one another in one line. I can only reconstruct the original meaning. It could also mean „I hope at all“ or simply „hope at all“, although the „I“ is the only distinct letter in this line.

The line „I feel so lost without any“ had in the original writing no „...“ . I added cthem because it makes more sense to me that way.


Lost Time

Fallen Spirit

Fallen into the Vengeance of ...

Lost.
Lost without a dream ...

I seek healing.
Rest for my soul.
Love.
No more painful memories.

On a day without rain.

Come to me,
whisper to e,
the secrets of time.


Part II

When I’m alone,
I feel so lost

Lost without a trace
No-one comes to me.
(Nothing leads to me.)

Where am I ?


Part III

Am I real ?

Who am I ?


Who am I
- that I’m lost ?
Who am I
- that I don’t find a friend ?
Who am I
- that no-one loves me,
that there is no woman wishing to be with me ?

Where am I ?


Part IV

Only time ...
Only time heals all wounds.
But the scars remain
- burning from the inside
- cooled by the healing hands of time
- from the outside.

Only time will tell ...
- But I’ve made too many mistakes.

Too many mistakes ...
- seems I’m damned.

Only time will heal me.
Or love.


(24.6.2001)

Annotations :

This sheet of text looks very clean and thoughtful, unlike many other sheets of text. It looke like a thoughtful composition to me, which is rather rare.

„Fallen into the Vengeance of ...“ - a hint to a certain line in „Visions of Angels“ by Genesis.
„On a day without rain...“ - hint towards Enya.
„Come to me“ - hint towards Peter Gabriel’s „Come talk to me“.
„Lost without a trace“ - common theme.
„Only time ...“ - hint towards „Only time“ by Enya.
„Only time will tell“ - hint towards Mike Oldfield’s „Songs of distant earth“.


Fallen

Many more have died there, too
struggling on the path of wisdom.

- On the fight of technology over nature
- Or was it simply exploration ?
- They struggled, stumbled, fell and fell
like fallen Angels
- or Icarus
The path of wisdom is dangerous as ever.

It might sound like justice
- but we don’t know.
a tale of lost ones, innocent searchers,
Nature has reclaimed its source,
And man’s boundaries are shown anew.

(For) We should learn
from this lesson
- that man alone is not safe -
we must take care for ouselves,
before we can think of exploring further territory.

- Or is this Being Part of Nature ?
- deep within (,) humankind lies the heart to go yonder,
- the wish to explore and to discover -
- and risk one’s life, but not the other.
We must take care of those who are helpless, of those, who are in danger.

Let us build a Stone for them, the unsung heroes of discovery,
and scribble among them the names of long lost forgotten antique, mystical heroes.

(2.2.2003, 2.35 in the morning.)

Annotations.

This text has no explicite dedication, but in my memory it appears to me to be especially witten for the victims of the crash of the starship name „Discovery“.
„Icarus“ is a hint towards „Too close to the Sun“ by the Alan Parsons Project Band of the album „On Air“.
„Justice“ is a hint towards „So far away“ by the Alan Parsons Project Band of the album „On Air“, relating in the last two lines to the crash of the starship named „Challenger“. („The Challenger has fallen / and now the race has been run ...“
„To go yonder“ is a hint towards the song „Discovery“ by Chris de Burg.
The „long lost forgotten“ (common phrase I use) heroes are meant to be those of antique texts - like the Odyssey, for example.
„And scribble among them“ - meant are the names on that stone. Between the names of these heroes should be names of ancient heroes.
The last lines are complicated because of several possible alternatives. I’ll list them here.

Now in the text :

„Let us build a Stone for them, the unsung heroes of discovery,
and scribble among them the names of long lost forgotten antique, mystical heroes.“

Alternatives :

„mystical“ can be used instead of „mythical“ and vice versa; „long lost forgotten“ can be omitted.

Example :

„Let us build a Stone for them, the unsung heroes of discovery,
and scribble among them the names of long lost forgotten antique, mythical heroes.“



Unbelievable (Unbelievable Incident)

Dedicated to the WTC and its victims.


Fast, fast, I’m coming to you
Fast fast, faster than you can imagine.

I’m the terror of the world,
The Terror of the innocent,
I am the Terror who will break you down.

Fear me ! Because I am the terror and fright.
Fear me ! I am the hero of the bloody night.

Shock and Horror are my food !
The weakness is my drink.

I will make your nightmares come true.

I will ride on the minds of my very own victims,
Of those I have possessed the blood I will drink.
I will eat out their brains.

Fanatism is my lair !
Money is my bed.
Innocense is bad food for me.


II Relief, Licking the Wounds

Here we are,
we’ve lost everything so far
of our comfortable lives,
of our comfortable lives.

Will we ever recover again ?

Who is to blame ? We don’t know.
Who is to blame ? Soon we’ll know.

Our grief and anger will make us wiser again
- for a horrible incredible unspeakable cost.

We must not give Warlord Terror a chance !

Let us be peaceful Guardians again ,
drying Warlord Terror out.

Licking our wounds
we must not act stubborn,
only peace can bring us peace,
- but that’s an almost too hard way.

Now we are strong enough to fight back again,
now we go back to what remains.

Let us pick our lives out of the ruins again,
no more able to lead a normal life.

Withstand them !

(6.10.2001)

Annotations.

In the Dedication it reads in the original writing . „Dedicated to the WTC-Terror and its victims.“ Now that is stupid, because I wouldn’t want to paise the Warlord Terror himself. So I deleted the inappropriate word. What I originally meant, somehow, was the incident as such.

The original writing has a small variation :

„I will ride on the minds of my victims.“ This is the original version.
„I will ride on the minds of my (very) own victims.“ This is the alternative, as written in the script.

„Fanatism is my lair,
money my bed.“
This is the original script.

In the original writing, I had „Schock“ instead of „Shock“. They have the same meaning.

„For a horrible incredible cost“. - This line was originally to contain three words instead of two. However, at the time of writing, I couldn’t imagine a third word. I’ve corrected this now.


And now, for this first part of my collection, a positive sounding poem as the end. It is very calm.


I feel alife again (Partly 1)

Sitting on a bank
the fresh morning-air around me
filled with the smell of the plants around me
- greeting the morning sun
arising ascending from dawn

- I am almost alife again
(I feel almost alife again.)

For the Future (Partly 2)

Sitting on a bank
her hand is in mine
the fresh air of the morning wuthering around me
filled with the smell of her and the flowers aroumd me
sensing her kiss on my skin
- I feel alife again.
- I am alife again.

(19.8.2001)

Annotations.

Original script as it is written down : „(arising) ascending from dawn“ . I assume this was meant by me to be an alternative sounding like : „arising from dawn“ or „acending from dawn“.

Original script as it is written down :
„- I am alife again.
- I feel alife again.“

However, an arrow definitively signs me that thse lines should be switched in the final version. Which I did.

Dear Alrik, how come you still have no editor? Your poems speak of such great feelings. It is like you opened your heart and all the pain, hurt and love flows out of it.
My favo's are: and
Thanks Alrik, to share your talents with us. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" />

Morning Hill

I stand on a hill
High above the landscape
I breath the air.

Wind is blowing through my hair
around my ears
through my clothes.

Wind blows here through the leaves of that tree
and through the grass at my feet
driving waves of pleasure through it

I breath the air
what a wonderous sight !
I stand firm on the ground

Different smells
are coming to me
the scent of wild nature

blossoming flowers
the smell of wet grass
still glistening from the morning dew

the scent of fresh earth
coming up from the fields
saturated by water thazt was raining through the night

the cry of a buzzard
the rustling of the leaves
the gentle rush through the grass

I stand firm on that ground
the world is bemeath me
I touch the Earth

nothing camn shake me
with the Earth on my feww I am strong
my roots are going deep into this hill

I greet the morning sun
arising red from the mist
Mother Natre, here I am

mist of the morning
quivering with wetness
wuthering through the wet air

This World belongs to me
I am a Child of Nature
a wild child no-one can tame

I feel free and wild
full of strength
I stand above this waking world

I stand firm
unbelievable strength
wth Mother Earth baking me up

your touch surrounds me
whispering greeting
we are one

The sun is painting
this world in a new light
light of the morning
everything wakes up..

This Earth

This One

.

(7.8.2005, 4.25 morning.)

THE TUNE (ABI-Zeitungs-Version)

I have seen the sun rising,
I've heard it all in the tune.
I've seen it again and again;
I've heard it all in the tune.

I have seen the stars rising,
Like starlight the music was (I heard);
I've seen them again and again;
I've heard it all in the tune.

I have seen the sun rising,
I remembered I had heard it in the Tune before;
I have seen it again and again,
I have heard it in the Tune.

Annotations : The two first verses were written 1987 on a bike tour (with a group) in France, around the Atlantic Coast.

The last verse was written on October, 10th, 1990 in the House East Dene, in the village Bochurch near Ventnor on the Isle of Wight. This was the day after the German Unification. During this week and the ceremonies, me and my English learning class were living in that house.
I almost instantly fell in love with East Dene, which is a wonderful place. Unfortunately it is located so near to the coast that parts of the garden have already begun slipping down. I hope it will be helped one day.
House East Dene has been - as I found out afterwards - the home of a poet. Well, I I believed in reincarnation, I’d say this was me, because of the fact I fell in love with that house. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
Unfortunately I don’t know any picture on the net showing the house. I would have to digitalise my old photos first. However, the *very* old church of Bonchurch and Ventnor itsellf rare on the net somewhere . I’ve seen pictures of both.

The Tune is the only piece of mine for which I developed a simple melody on guitar. I still have copies from that „Project time“, when I was trying to do so. If I could make a copy, I would be willing to send it out to whoever would like to hear it, but digitalizing would do as well, as long as someone tells me how to do it. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />
In the course of time, I wrote a few more parts of The Tune, variations of the main theme and a spin-off, so to say.

This version is kind of a compilation of my favourite parts of it : Verse 1-2 original, verse 3 from that part written on the Isle of Wight. This version was published in the so-called „Abi-Zeitung“, which means was produced during the finalization of the last year of my school time. The „Abitur“ is the last set of examinations before leaving school and if passed, it enables an individual to go to University. The „finalization“ is both a time of planning and developing kind of festivities by the classes of that year, and the exams before the final celebration. The English-learning class I mentioned above was one of the courses I was in : The Abitur consists of the 4 main courses in which the training is specially sophisticated, and the other courses. English was one of my main courses.
The „Abi-Zeitung“ is kind of a newspaper developed by the members of that year’s classes and contains for example all funny saying of a person recorded by others, funny saying of teachers as well, and articles about their tours and main courses. It’s like the destillation of all these school years.

I was very proud to get some of my texts printed there. (Some are in GErman, so I won’t quote them here, unless translated, which is nearly impossible for two of them, because they primarily consist of word-games I cannot translate.

This is my most dearest work ever.



Shadowman (Typoscript Version)


Man without Shadow.
Running through the night.

-------------------------------------------

You mustn’t see him, but when
You’ll have to be afraid of your life.
Will he come with a knive ?
But he’ll kill you, when you’re unlucky,
because you musn’t disturb Dr. Mabuse
at his destroying the world.
He has his helpers and accomplices
everywhere;
and so you must be careful that
you don’t * meet him.

Annotations from the Typoscript Version :
(* „don’t“ in the sense of „won’t“)
(First ever written poem. It was written under the impression of the ‘Dr. Mabuse’ serial in TV. Written 1983 or 1984 but I think that 1984 is more right.)

Morning Hill is very beautiful, Al. it can really draw the image in my imagination. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" />

The Degradation of Man (Typoscript Version)

Part One (One’s Degrade)

I didn’t know how the story was
I don’t know how it will be.
I don’t know how the story (of my life) was
I don’t know which way I will go.

Now I’m sitting here, thinking about what will be and what may be and what could be.

I’m feeling sad and depressed.
Trying to count my hopes and dreams out.
But the harder I think,
But the harder I try to count I cannot find any !

But i know, there’s a hope (in sight).

Different dreams,
Different hopes,
Different talks,
Different sights,
Different ways,
Different lies,
And I know the truth; where I am and who I am
And I know what I must do
To get free.
But will I ever get free ?
Maybe someday I will know
what life without depressions is like; Well, I can see a hope in sight ...

Part Two (Degrading myself)

Now I’m sitting here,
Feeling sad,
Feeling depressed,
Feeling like nobody,
And feeling like dirt (lying down on the streets).

Trying to count my hopes and dreams out;
But the harder I think, the harder I try to count,
I cannot find any !

Trying to count out my good sides and abilities, my skills and faculties;
But the harder I think,
The harder I try to count
I cannot find any !

Do I really have any ?

I know that there must be some,
‘Cause everybody told me so often from ...

Part Three

I’ll never know
Where I’m going to.
I’ll never know
Where I should go to.

You’ll never know
What I feel.
You’ll never know
What I see.

Well, you’ll never know
Where I am.
You’ll never know
How I feel, can’t you help me ?

Now I know
I went the wrong way ...

If I had been another one (than I was)
I would have done everything in another way than i did.
If I were another one (than I am)
I would do everything in another way
Than I’ve done.

Now I know, I went the wrong way;
Now I kinow what I should have done.

Part Four (Heartbreak)

Why did I go the wrong way ?
Why was there no chance to go the right way ?

Why are there so many heartbreaks,
I’ve got to get through ?
Why was there no chance to be together with a girl-friend ?

And I want to know what it means to have a girl-friend;
I want to know what it means to be together with a girl who loves me and wjhom I love, too
I never knew what it means to have a girl-friend;
I never knew what it means to be together with a girl who loves me and whom I love, too.

Because
Do you know what you have done ?
Do you know what you have done to me ?
You never know,
You never knew.
Do you know what you have done to me ?
Do you know what you have done to me, when I was young ?
Do you know what you’ve been doing to me, when you laughed at me ?
Do you all know what you have done ?
You cannot judge what you have done to me (when I was young) !

If there’s no hope, no help, no love, I want to die.
But if there’s any hope, any help, any love, I want to get it,
I’ve got to get it
or I cannot live.


Last Part

How could I go the right way ?
Which way is it ?
How could I know which way is the right way ?
How will I know what I must do ?
What must I do to go the right way ?
How could I know

If there’s no hope, no help, no love, I want to die.
If there’s any hope, any help, any love, I want to, I’ve got to get it
or I cannot live.

Who am I ?
I am somebody.
But not always (...) .

Who am I ?
I’m not nobody.
But not always ... .

If there’s no hope, no help, no love, I want to die.
If there’s any hope, any help, any love, I want to, I’ve got to get it
Or I cannot live.

Cause I’ve got nothing left to lose, I’ve goit to go my way,
No matter what they say.

Because there’s nothing left to lose, I’m going to go my way,
No matter what they say.


Annotations of the typoscript-version of this work :

"Annotations to The Degradation of Man

- This "poem" was written 1986 or 1987.
- It won a prize on the writing contest "Book Spring 1989".
- It was performed two times as a kind of "song".
Almost all of my works are thought to be "song texts".
- Is is partially inspired by GENESIS:"DOMINO" (in Part Four).
- It was written when I was in a very depressive mood.
- Theoretically it can be expanded with many more parts - except the "Last Part"; that's why the last part isn't called "Part Five" but "Last Part" instead, because it should always be set at the end."


Further annotations.

This is by far the longest poem I have ever written. It is one of the works I'm proud of. At least because of the length. It has actually been performed in public in my school as a kind of improvised "song", without notes, just pure improvisation. Witnessing the second performance was one of the proudest moments in my wjhole life. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Unfortunately, I couldn't witness the first performance, because I was on travel with a school class, then. That was very sad, because that evening I was actually given the price without being able to literally hold it (it was a book with poems by Erich Fried.)
There is another work of mine which won a price on a similar writing contest : "Masken" ("Masks").
That writing contest was held at my school in spring, therefore it was called "Book Spring" (in German, of course). It would go too far to call it a "national book day", but in fact it was a day (or at least a short time within Spring) when towns were propagating literature. This contest at my school was only one of many on different schools and in other places (if I recall correctly).

Style and Grammar are a mirror of my knowledge of the English language back then. I wasn't perfect back then (that doesn't mean I'm perfect today <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> ) that's why you can meet grammar mistakes there. Additionally it includes my technique "painting with words". I use - here as well - Words only because of their emotional content, and "paint" with them what I call "Emotion-Paintings". Since the emotional content is more important to me, then, it might well be that grammar mistakes or other kinds of mistakes appear. Under special circumstances this might even be done by purpose !

I think it was written 1986 or 1987, but it could also have been 1988 ... unfortunately I didn't write the date on every sheet while writing, then.

This work - and many others of that time - were inspired by songs of Genesis. This one was inspired by the two-part song "Domino" by Genesis.

About the title : The original title was "The Degrade of Man", but after asking my English teacher then about whether this was correct, he suggested "Degradation" instead of "Degrade". That's how the actual title arose.

The image imposed by "degradation" is that of a person degrading himself or herself - making himself small, unnoticed, unimportant, not worthy, in a lieeral sense like an officer who rips off his own badges and decorations and meddals because he sees / considers himself to be unworthy. Like in a Depression.

the Degradation work feels a bit too personal. it's no wonder since u poured so much of yourself into it; that is why it's no surprise that it won the writing contest.

Gal is right, Al. ever thought of putting your works into a book?

Yeah, sure, but I don't have the money yet.

Poem 1: "I knew this nice girl, but I was afraid to ask her out. I lose."

Okay, I sympathise with you, man. But rather than writing bad poetry about it, why not tell yourself that, hey, the next time you see a girl you like, why not ask her out?

Poem 2: "I have no self esteem, yo"

I sympathise with you. But this the best place to adress this problem?

Poem 3: "Dude, where's my self esteem?"

Do something about it. Try to find something which makes you feel proud of yourself.

Poem 4: "Did I tell you how little self esteem I had? Oh, and by the way, I really like the word "lost""

I'm sorry, but your poetry is rather tragic, and not in a good way.

Poem 5: "I lost my self esteem. Or wait, did I ever have it?"

We rather got the message by now. And... Well, it's fine if you like to express your lack of self-esteem creatively -- but most people would, y'know, keep this a secret and not post it on the internet?

Poem 6: "Why won't women love me? Don't they know I have no self-esteem?"

Poem 7: "If I wait long enough, perhaps a woman will love me. And then I will have self-esteem."

Or how about working on the self-esteem bit first, and then women might, I don't know, feel more comfortable around you?

Poem 8: "Mankind is lost. So is my self-esteem."

The former is out of your control. The latter isn't. Please, find something which makes you feel better about yourself. Something which does not involve showcasing your lack of confidence to the world.

Poem 9: So utterly tasteless I won't even bother with it. Seriously... I am ashamed of having even seen it. Maybe you had good intentions with this, but don't you find it rather tacky to use such a tragedy to draw attention to your poetry?

To summarize my feelings about the poetry; please, man. Stop trying to showcase your self-pity, and get out into the world and actually do something about the problems you are facing in your life. If this does involve writing self-deprecating poetry about yourself, then at least keep it in a private diary, and don't post it on the internet for all to see.

Peace.

Welcome to the forum reading orangutan

Poem 10: "Some people have too much of self esteem and maybe they would like to share it with the people who don't have enough self esteem"

Poem 11: "Maybe i don't like other people posts but i accept them without judging. It's called forum tolerance"

Poem 12: "A lot of great french writers wrote self-deprecating poetry, like Alfred de Musset, Charles Baudelaire, Arthur Rimbaud.
Thanks god, they did not keep these poems in a private diary"

Peace

Barta

PS : What do you think about "Lost - saison 2" ? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

I feel free, within reason, to post what I think of people's posts. It's called having an opinion.



Yes, but ah, how to put it gently? The main difference is that those poets wrote well. Do you see where I'm coming from?



Apart from being unsure what that's got to do with anything, I don't watch Lost. It's "season," by the way.

Yep you're completely right. But sometimes the way someone gives his/her opinion can hurt the feelings of somebody else.



It was just a joke. I did not watch it too.
BTW english is not my native language. I am french.
I made a spelling mistake for "season" because in french it is "saison".
Welcome again in the forum, it is always nice to meet new members, specially members interested by litterature and poetry. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/XmasJump.gif" alt="" />

Barta

hello & welcome, reading orangutan <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wave.gif" alt="" />

hope u like the place & feel free to be yourself here. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

it is good that u express your opinion on things, however please give them accordingly as your opinion on the poems has gone beyond the poems themselves & somewhat comments that of the author's personal life. if u wish to discuss with the author regarding something personal, please do so in privacy so as to respect the author. one can always PM. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

as for comments for the poems themselves, i am sure the author welcomes any critique since that will help improve his writing.

Oh, why not? Let's focus on a specific title.



Who would probably have preferred not to have badly written poetry dedicated to their memory. Poor things.



This is meaningless. What does speed have to do with anything?



The repetitive use of "terror" is trite. Of course it's terrifying - a good poet should be able to select words that aren't so blunt and contain more linguistic subtlety. Find metaphors. Find, well, poetry because, despite its claim to the contrary, this isn't so much poetry as sentence fragments tossed out with random indentations.



Here's again the repetition with the most banal semantics imaginable.



Uhhm. "Hero"?



Honey, you aren't writing in German. Drop it with the random capitalization. Your overuse of exclamation marks make the words look like they're being screeched at the top of one's lungs; the effect is about as pleasant as noises from a construction site.



About as original as butter on toast.



So, the speaker is a vampire/illithid hybrid?



Except it's spelled "fanaticism" and "innocence." What dictionary are you using - Martian? Oh, and here again is where the verse makes no sense. What in blazes does money have to do with anything? "Innocence is bad food for me"? That's some of the most incompetently constructed sentence I've ever seen.

Now, if you want to be shocking? Look to better poets and see how they do it. Here's an excerpt from an imagery considered shocking by critics from one of John Donne's Holy Sonnets:



The poet's dealing with a crisis of faith, wherein he asks God to abuse and rape him so he can become "chaste." (Yes, really.) It's shocking because it's blasphemous, and the poem's full of contradictions (imprisonment for freedom, rape for chastity) and strong language (the poet implores God to burn and break him to pieces). That is the kind of poetic violence that works, or at least one of the many kinds.

Blathering on and on about something that's abjectly obvious (oh noes! The WTC tragedy was horrifying! Uh, yeah. Tell us something we don't know already)... does not work so well. Oh, and though most modern poets don't give a damn about rhyming, good ones tend to give a damn about rhythm. This? No rhythm, just sentence fragments structured chaotically.

well at least that sounds more focused to the works & not the man.

how come u sound like someone i know? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> u're not new to this forum, are u?

Someone you know? That depends - did you play on a certain Lineage II freeshard?

Are you a female orangutan or a male orangutan ?

Barta

I'm an ambisexual one, of course. Neuter most of the year; switch to female for two months, male for one and a half.

Hello, Librarian ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's nice to see someone ogf a related species. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I respect Librarians, since they know books - but do they think they need to know those who had written them, either ? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


You forgot to see an essential part of this display :

a) the term "archive" written in the topic's title

b) the dates of the poems. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Some are now 20 years old.

I wanted to show them as a sign of the evolution I had gone through. There were worse times than now. The poems I "archived" here are "snapshots" of my past activity, of my past mental state, and of my past creativity.

I wanted to show them simply because of no other rason why artists generally show their works of art around, no matter how old they are. It's a matter of art, not something else. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This "archive project thrad" acts for me like a kind of museum. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> In this exhitition you can see pieces of art for display, and use them - if you ish to do so - for you own inner discussion course. You are not allowed to use them in your own works, though.

My goal in the display of these poems was to enlighten people and show them what kind of mental states are possible - and possible still out there. Tat I had perceived them means to me that others might be able to perceive them, too. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, my goal was to make people sensitive towards the way people might think. Some might have - for example - more firmly layed out self-consciousmess, but others have not. My "lending hand" is for those who have not.

Just today I've read a good book by Terry Pratchett - it's "Maskerade". It's not one of my favourirtes, but still interesting - if you read between the lines.

Books by Terry Pratchett generally contain the double amount of content if you read between the lines, I once discovered. That can be very insightful ! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

In Maskerade, for example, I learned a *lot* about masks - and what hey make of people. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I did not only learn the obviously visible things, I also learned what I perceived by reading between the lines. I came to some interesting conclusions about myself and about the world outsde - in internet forums, for example. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

There are some things ahead of me, that must be done. And I think I'll take this additional knowledge into my own internal discussion course. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alrik

In the last days, I was almost a witness of two car accidents on what you might call a highway. I said "almost", because it obviously happened only few minutes or seconds before me.

The point is, that without their speed, the car accidents wouldn've happened at all. The cars were simply too fast for their drivers to handle and they didn't notice. They still held the opinion - like millions of others - that they were still capable of that speed. The shape opf their cars proved them wrong.

At this raw fractions of seconds when their cars went out of control, they must've realized that speed was important to anything. At least during that particular moment(s).

Their accidents might've been single, rare incidents, but still they prove there *are* raw moments when speed does matter.

Hello, friend. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Doesn't matter to me which language I write. I write, therefore the worde follow my command. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It's like painting : The brush follows my hand, not vice versa, honey. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am an artist; therefore, I am free to change the words to my taste as I see it fit. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I even feel free to change grammar and punctuation to my own taste. :9 I do this because I will do it, and I do not listen to the outcries of people whi consider their taste as "good". I don't care, honey. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

...dude, why split it into so many posts?



Believe me, nobody with some semblance of literary competence would want to use them.



Right now, I feel ashamed to share an interest with you. *shudders*



*giggles* At least you're amusing.

Whatever you say, buddy.



Still stands that "Faster, faster than you can imagine" lacks oomph in poetry. I think it's fair to say that in your head dwells not a single original thought.



"Omg, I can condescend back at you, and use a lot of smilies - at the end of every single sentence, even! - to show that I don't CARE NEENER NEENER NEENER!11!!"

*golf clap*

Now, first... good writers can break syntactical rules. Split infinitives, write in sentence fragments, and so on and so forth. This is because they know the rules. Like... oh, e.e. cummings. You? Not a good writer, nor do you know the rules. Sorry. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> No, "omg I'm artistic!1!!" isn't a valid excuse for piss-poor poetry. You see, you can smear animal manure all over a canvas and claim that it is art, and when someone walks by and goes "Eeew," you can indeed claim that, well, the manure follows your... er, paintbrush. But it'll still remain manure, no matter how pretentious you get about it.

I find it curious that, out of the whole post, you only picked out those two bits to dispute, by the way. So! Are we in agreement that the poem in question is tasteless and all-around hackneyed?

reading_orangutan:

1: I get the feeling you ignore what he's saying just because of the way he's saying it.

2: If his poems is so tasteless and all-around hackneyed why bother with them? Just don't read them. The only time I read things I don't like is when someone force me to, and as far as I can see, you're reading of your own free will. Maybe it has something to do with that you read them and thought it was a waste of your time, and now you want to get back on Alrik for it <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" />...

3: I don't like pepole who tell other pepole what to think. When it comes to taste, I've realized in my short (so far) life that pepole have different taste, and changeing it is... pretty much impossible. So, when someone comes in and start telling pepole what to think... Well, first of all it doesn't look nice. You get the feeling the person in question has an unhealthilly big ammount of self-esteem, since he seems to think saying what he thinks automaticlly means everybody else thinks like him. If that is the case, let me be the one who breaks it for you: it doesn't work that way. At least not if the person(s) in question has a little in the way of intelligence and critical thinking (and this forum has a lot of that).

A little humility would suit you. You MIGHT be wrong you know <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />.

Übereil

I am indeed reading out of my own free will, as I am sure you and everyone else here is. So let me counter; I am not forcing anyone to read, or to reply to, my opinions either.

As for the argument that it is all a matter of taste; well, I find that argument a little flawed. The appreciation of poetry may indeed depend on taste, but quite honestly, I am not sure we are even dealing with poetry. There are certain groundrules for poetry, after all, and these are not a matter of taste. Meter, rhythm? Has Alrik even heard of these things? Or did he just string random sentences together that felt nicely pretentious? I know where my money is.

When reading litterature history in School some pepole were complaining about this when romantism changed to realism. That happened somwhere in the 1840s...
After that contence was more important than form in the general eye (exept some conservatives (not talking politics here, just taste)).

Übereil

Well, all I can say is, that for example Picasso did what he wanted to do, or Dalí for example or Gaudí, to take a look at architecture.

I think that some artists simple do what they see fit, no matter whether they break "rules" or whatever.

Some of them even get famous after doing so. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


And just to make sure : I don't do this because I want to become famous or so; I really do it only for mainly specially emphasize things. I partially developed my own diction in that.

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> What a troll quote. Brilliant in its inanity but entirely obvious in its singular use to gain a rise from someone.



I think thats possibly the most insulting thing I've ever heard.

Orangutan: Put up or shut up. At least Alrik has the balls to post his own poetry, his own thoughts and feelings on the internet. Something I would never do because of people like you.
Lets read some of your efforts, otherwise, leave him alone.

Ubereil:



For someone who's studied literary history, you don't seem all that literate. Litterature? Romantism? Contence? Please. Oh, and if there's a valid movement for "content rather than presentation/form" alive somewhere, right now, point it out to me. With serious scholarly references, not "I remember what I learned from primary/secondary school." That's just pathetic.

And, if what you say is true, then I am sure you will be able to provide examples of professionally published books filled with the same sort of grammatical errors, awkward phrasing and other indications that the writer is - to put it gently - barely on speaking terms with English? They're aspects which, apparently, we so admire in Alrik's... poetry.

Note this emphasis: professionally published. That means published in such a way that the author actually received a monetary reward for the act of publishing, rather than the "author", out of sheer desperation, paying for it out of his or her own pocket because it is such crap that it will only be bought by members of his or her close circle of friends and relatives. Speaking of which, considering Alrik has expressed his desire to "self-publish" - in other words, to pay for someone publishing his work - may I express my hope that Alrik's circle of friends and relatives will be sufficiently large that he will at least break even?

Womble:



Oh, come now. Someone's bound to use it in a dramathon like this; I might as well call the dibs!



Aww, aren't you such a poor oppressed widdle baybee? Oh, the horror of complete strangers on the Internet telling you your work is complete crap. Your self-esteem must be fragile; do you genuinely care what "people like me" think, hmm?



Ah, no love for honesty? How sad.



Look up Ebert's law, chum; thanks for invoking it. I totally expected someone to. It's oh, so predictable. Just like the rest of... well, everything else.

Alrik:



Oh, dear, is that the siren song of delusion you are listening to?

To begin with, some (please note the modifier "some") qualified critics do consider Picasso, Dali, or Gaudi, or any other names you care to drop. But... do you deem your applauding audience qualified? After all, if they had the faintest idea of what they were talking about, wouldn't they have been able to compliment you on the on your meter, your form, or anything technical? Something beyond "Wow, this is nice"? I suspect their familiarity with literary criticism of any sort is about as great as, or less than, my acquaintance with quantum physics. Don't you notice how the compliments they so cheerfully give are terribly... generic? It's like an adult patting a child's head and saying, "That's nice, dear" without actually looking at what's being done. I could have given the same comments to any piece of poetry or prose without reading it at all. That's how useless, empty, and insincere it is.

As things stand, Alrik dearest, you are the pre-college student who thinks mixing pigments into the most hideous shades imaginable, then splashing them randomly on a canvas with your eyes closed, is "art" because the shoddier it is, the edgier and more artistic it is in your unschooled eyes. You are the emo teenager who thinks liberal repetition of "buzzwords" like "dark/darkness", "pain", "loss" and "nightmare" makes you perhaps creative and original (rather than banal because, well, it's been done and done better: ever heard the saying "You're different. Just like everyone else"?); that by breaking rules you aren't even that well-versed in yourself, you're maybe postmodern or avant-garde. But, thanks to your absolute refusal to learn your subject matter properly or improve, what you end up is like what these teenbrats vomit onto paper: generally not worth the cyberspace it takes up. The sad exception is that these teenbrats are generaly more than two decades your junior.

@ reading orangutan

Enough is enough. Your posts are insulting.

BTW You are completely <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/offtopic.gif" alt="" />
If you want to give writing lessons to the forum members, you should open a new topic.

[color:"orange"]Janggut :
how come u sound like someone i know? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> u're not new to this forum, are u? [/color]

Yep you remind me an ancient member of this forum, it was not an orangutan but a fox.

Barta

Really, I would, if I had any remote hope it would make any difference. As it is, I fear it would make no difference at all, and since my time is rather valuable... Let's not.



Well, that’s a nice bit of trivia. But honestly, I don’t care whom I resemble, even if you think I resemble your long, long lost twin brother – that is, unless he was about to be handed a fat inheritance. He’s not, though, is he? *coughs* As I was saying, sorry, I simply don’t care. Contrary to popular belief, the Intraweb is not a happy happy joy joy land where everyone’s required to stroke Alrik’s ego and inflate it to ridiculous proportions – I doubt I’m unique in refusing to do so. It’s not terribly gratifying, and besides which, you all seem to do that so well already.

Oh, and I’d hate to be thought of as impolite, so…

Very kindly yours,
Reading Orangutan (not being a fox, wolf, hare, or any other quadrupedal non-primate animal of the wild you may think I resemble)

If your time is so goddamn valuable, how come you're wasteing it here telling everyone how useless they are because they don't know everything about everything? You've obviouslly got talent and knowledge to do something usefull, like cure AIDS, solve the energy problem or stare into a wall.



Another truth from my side: You failed. Miserablly. In fact, you screwed up whorse than the guy who turned of the heat controller in the Chernobyl nuclear power plant on the 26th of Aprill 1986.

Übereil

Oh, but you misunderstand. Right this very moment, I'm working to solve world hunger and bring about global peace. The cures for HIV and cancer are nearly ready!



Whorse? Is that... a Freudian slip? Is it the company of a lady of the night, she of the negotiable affections, that you crave? No need to be ashamed. It's a normal thing, after all, for a strapping young lad like you to want to experiment. Do be careful, though. I'd hate for you to catch something nasty. Try not to get yourself into a bind, either. She might come after you for child support funds at a later date.

Besides which, I think your sarcasm meter got broken.

aaah poor Alrik one more topic down the drain due to some unfortunate individual with a superiority complex.

Alrik my friend do not let that stop you please continue, so that the rest of us underdeveloped people may enjoy such prose as "you" see fit <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


editted to fix spelling mistakes <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't think why I should answer here. To me, this case is closed. I have written what I wanted to, and I don't think I need further explaining. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pretty much my feeling too, even though my entries might just added to the tention.

Übereil

@ Alrik

Maybe you could commit suicide for being a bad writer. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/badsmile2.gif" alt="" />
















Okay i have the worse sense of humour in this forum.

Barta

LOL <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />

Barta

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> patiently waiting for the next poem, so i can read it, enjoy it and remember it.... until then i suppose i will just have to take a nap and patiently wait.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sleepey.gif" alt="" />

*hint hint alrik... c'mon already <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> we all waiting in suspenders <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />

[color:"pink"] we all waiting in suspenders <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" /> [/color]
1 Question; Black?? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/kissyou.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />

No, no, don't switch off my memory !!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

*quickly twitches Alriks left ear* hoping that that is the right switch <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />

Ow ! Whaddayawant from my deaf ear ? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just to add. Orangutan=troll

I disagree in that while Winterfox was disagreeable he/she made more concice logical points. Some of which I even agreed with. This guy's just an idiot. He dresses insults up in long sentances (probably grammar/spell-checked by word) but that disguises nothing. They're just rude and quite frankly, pointless.

One word-constructive criticism. Something I would give to the poetry if I actually knew anything about it. Also if I had the time.

One last point: Free-form poetry (for want of a better term) is a valid expression. In fact its pretty much what I prefer to read. The repetition of certain words, buzz or not, is sometimes necessary to emphasise a point.
Rhyme and meter is something you learn in school. Some believe there is actually more to poetry (or anything else) after you leave the strict doctorines of the classroom.

Also monkey-boy, try writing in German.

Sorry to provoke, but many of you know what I'm like.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I did write a few things in rhymes and meters back at school, but I found this quite boring, especially since it acted like a corset to my thoughts and feelings I tried to express.

Free verse is my thing, since it doesn't put unnatural constraints over what I want to express. Feelings, emortions and thoughts that don't apply to a pattern like logic are very difficult to be expressed through contraints like a special meter. Some manage to do it, though, and I have very high respect towards those who do (and can). I think, if I tried to write what I want to express in such a way (for example like Shakespeare's Sonnets, to which I have a very high respect), I would end up with *far* more time spending over calculating on how to actually put my words instead of writing freele like in a "thought stream".

If you are interested, I can give you this text : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stream_of_consciousness

I only found this term very recently, so I think it is far more common among Free Verse than people might realize.

Also, it describes very much the way I write.

Beowulf, an example of very different peotry. Not much meters and rhymes, but instead alliterations (also called "Stab-Reime" in German) widely used.

Please try to read the original text aloud : You will perhaps find some similarities (and some irritations) with your own language (if your language is of european origin, that is).