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mickey Offline OP
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When you get mad at a guy, whether it's a friend or someone your dating or even married to, which road to you take? Avoidance or confrontation?

Do you go to that person and talk about what they did that pissed you off, or do you simply avoid them for a bit of time?

I'm just curious, because in my experience, women (by which I mean most women, not all women) tend to lean towards the avoidance route.

I realise that a lot of men take the avoidance path, but I don't care about what men do. I don't date men, so I don't care.

And yes, this is yet another stab in my futile quest to try and understand women. Humour me.



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Although male, my experience with one particular woman was on the Confrontation side. And I was very much apreciative of it.

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Although male, my experience with one particular woman was on the Confrontation side. And I was very much apreciative of it.


Yeah, I would be too. Confrtation can lead to resolution, where as avoidance generally leads to resentment. Plus it pisses me off, so then both of us are pissed off, and that's never good.

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Well, i do both...
At first i let us both have a "cooling off" period. Other wise, i might say something stupid i may regret (i have the red head temper...)
Then, i do talk about it...if it is something i think needs to be done. Otherwise, things can turn bitter if you keep it bottled inside - and in a relationship - i think it is important not to have any resentment, after all, that could turn ugly down the road. And - i agree that men often don't want to talk about it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But, i always make sure they will.

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Would you at least let the guy know why you were mad even if you didn't want to talk about it?

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Well, if he made me really mad - maybe he should know?

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I think someone has the right to know what they did if someone is going to be so pissed off at them they are going out of their way to avoid the other person.

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Kay - all i am saying...i guess it depends on how well you know that person.
If you came home roaring drunk, and woke her up expecting s## at 3 am - that would piss her off right? And you would know that. Right?
So, maybe it isn't something so obvious, but may have made her just as mad.
Think back to the day she got mad...oir quit talking. Did you say something offensive (women can be stupidily sensitive...)

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sometimes that "other person" needs time to cool down and gather their thoughts together..... there is nothing worse...than someone trying to "scream over my voice just to get their point across.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> or not listening...

that really ......"frosts my socks" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


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Think back to the day she got mad...oir quit talking. Did you say something offensive (women can be stupidily sensitive...)


I didn't talk to her that day.

One day it was "Call me tomorrow when you get out of work so we can get together" and then the next day it was complete avoidance and has been since.

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When you get mad at a guy, whether it's a friend or someone your dating or even married to, which road to you take? Avoidance or confrontation?

When i really like someone, i prefer the confrontation.
I tell him that i am mad at him and why. But i never scream, i rarely lose my temper.
After the confrontation, we can be friends or lovers again.

If i don't really like the person, i don't want to waste my time and my energy, so i choose avoidance.

But sometimes, i also choose avoidance with a lover, just to make him think that i don't love him anymore and make him really mad.
Not talking to someone during two or three days is a good punition.

That was my point of view.

Barta

EDIT : It is my 700th post <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> What is the next level ?

Last edited by Barta; 25/02/04 03:51 AM.
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i also choose avoidance with a lover, just to make him think that i don't love him anymore and make him really mad.


That's pretty cruel... Unless the guy has done something major, like sleep with a cowokrer, I don't think most situations deserve something like that.

But then again, if not talking to someone for a couple days makes a person think they are no longer loved, then they have insecurity issues.

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yep <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> and that's where being good at mind games will prevail! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Oh BTW ...what exactly is " cowokrer " <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> .....sounds bad! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cry.gif" alt="" />


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A coworker is someone you work with.

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oh! that's not too bad....... I was thinking way worse than that.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

i figured it had to do with a cow or something!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/think.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by Jurak; 25/02/04 04:58 AM.

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Coworker: n. The coloquial name given to an Ork who herds cattle.

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now , a whole herd <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ......that's a little different! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


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One day it was "Call me tomorrow when you get out of work so we can get together" and then the next day it was complete avoidance and has been since.


did you call? did you get together?

i used to use the avoidence route, but now that i have been with my boyfriend so long and we are totally comfortable with each other, i find myself being confrontational more. even though he always asks "why are you mad at me?" he almost always already knows. the times he doesn't know are usually when i'm all pms-ie and am uber crabby for no reason. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />


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When you get mad at a guy, whether it's a friend or someone your dating or even married to, which road to you take? Avoidance or confrontation?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I usually take the confrontation road for several reasons. First of all I am a person that can not keep things bottled in me. When something is wrong I need to talk about it. I can not let it spoil all my days by letting it eating me inside. If you come to think about it I am a bit selfish. Because I am thinking of myself in that matter. Secondly I strongly believe that language is a gift. I mean why do we have it? For comunication it is my answer. So I tend to use it a lot. I need to comunicate with people around me. To solve things and share. I need to comunicate with all of my body. (Body language is as much important as talking IMHO).

I also have that red head temper Carrie mentioned so it is imposible for me to keep my mouth shut when something bothers me. But ...

... What really makes me mad is when I talk to the person that made me mad, and it is like I am talking to a wall. Now correct me if I am wrong. Maybe I have met the wrong guys but I have noticed that not all the men (and I am talking about lovers here), are willing to talk. I have experienced many times that thing where there is a problem and my mate behaves like nothing is wrong. And it is not that he is not aware that I am mad. I can not hide. I hate it when it happens! It seems like the other person is telling me "I know that you are mad but the reasons you feel that way are silly. I will wait till you get over it." While at the same time I want to fight, I want to express myself and then end up in bed.

And there is the other thing. In all my life I have never met someone who would say the magic words "I want to talk to you." I mean I am not perfect. I sure do mistakes and I am sure that sometimes I made someone mad. Why is it so difficult to come and tell me "you know something? You did this and that and it really bothered me." I always must guess from the behaviour of my mate if there is something wrong and then ask for several times what is the problem before -if I am lucky enough- take some answer. But why it should be that way? Why should I must read the signs which are sometimes invisible?

I always believed that the person I am with is my mirror. My mirror which shows me the real me. Only if he tels me the truth and what I do wrong I can be better for myself and for him.


Boy this is a long post. Sorry people <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shame.gif" alt="" />


You can have my absence of faith
you can have my everything...

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oh- if i'm really mad, i like to have the cooling off period too, in which i might say "nothing is wrong" or "i don't want to talk about it" until i am actually ready to talk. which may take a day or two.


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