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Why did the chicken cross the road?

The bird flew.



The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham
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[color:"green"] PASKAKASA...What does it mean?? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" /> [/color]


Mea Culpa's Demesne Note; artwork for Avatar courtesy of NWN and CEP Old Elven Saying: "Never say Never if you're gonna live forever!!!" "I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault"
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Irish Maths Test (Microsoft Word)

See if you can get the answers before you read on. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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ROFL that's hilraious!



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Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day
long.



No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt
And sense of betrayal were overwhelming.



But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his
Head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first
medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't
be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."



But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to
Reality.



Whispering......









Dave........














Dave........


















........you're a vet!

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" />


Mea Culpa's Demesne Note; artwork for Avatar courtesy of NWN and CEP Old Elven Saying: "Never say Never if you're gonna live forever!!!" "I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault"
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Mea, look six posts up...

Übereil


Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

Ambrose Bierce
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it's like a deja vue over and over again.

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Jurak Offline OP
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<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> possibly oldtimers disease... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />


[color:"#33cc3"]Jurak'sRunDownShack!
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Defender of the [color:"green"]PIF.
[/color] Das Grosse Grüne Ogre!!! [/color]
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Old old are you calling me .....erm huh what oh yeah old No I am not I am only ... whats year are we in ..... hmm oh yeah right jokes <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />


Mea Culpa's Demesne Note; artwork for Avatar courtesy of NWN and CEP Old Elven Saying: "Never say Never if you're gonna live forever!!!" "I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault"
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A 93 year old couple went to a divorce attorney after 70 years of marriage.
The husband explained, "We've always hated each other, but we wanted to wait until the children died."


The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham
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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I
can
get a haircut?


" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About
2
hours." The guy left. !


A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,
"How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop
and
said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.


A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How
long
before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and
said,
"About an hour and half." The guy left.


The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor.


Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long
he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."!


A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing
hysterically.


The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill chocked up, tears in his eyes and said.......


"Your house."
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Mea Culpa's Demesne Note; artwork for Avatar courtesy of NWN and CEP Old Elven Saying: "Never say Never if you're gonna live forever!!!" "I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault"
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Have you heard about the Divorced Barbie Doll?
It comes with all of Ken's things.
--------------------
Scientists have found a new cure for a perenial problem. They are inserting a music-playing microchip into breast enlargements. The perenial problem? Women complaining that men stare at their breasts and don't listen to them.
--------------------
There is a new Radio station in town. It's call sign is KPMS.
Yeah; It's format is 1 week of rag-time, and three weeks of the blues.
--------------------
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
The thief was spending less then his wife.
--------------------
One her husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," the wife replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
--------------------
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always
complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was
when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and
began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him
again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught
her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something
rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would
listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man
mourner
approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in
disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to
ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and
asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always
shook
his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say
something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was,
so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They all wanted to know if the mule was for sale."


The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham
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Alternate Version

Solution: Ipod breast implants.
Problem: Women complain that men stare at their breasts and don't listen
to them.


The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?
~Jeremy Bentham
Joined: Dec 2004
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The Guys' Rules


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down


Finally, the guys' side of the story.


(I must admit, it's pretty good.)


We always hear "the rules" from the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!


Please note. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


1. Men ARE not mind readers.


1. Learn to work the toilet seat.


You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.


We need it up, you need it down.


You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon


or the changing of the tides.


Let it be.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport.


And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want.


Let us be clear on this one:


Subtle hints do not work!


Strong hints do not work!


Obvious hints do not work!


Just say it!


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only i f you want help solving it.


That's what we do.


Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.


In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you won't dress like the Victor ia's Secret girls, don't expect


us to act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the


ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done.


Not both.


If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.


Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a


fruit. We have no idea what ! ! mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.


We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act

< BR>like nothing's wrong.


We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an


answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear


Is fine...Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are


prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun


formation, or golf.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!


1. Thank you for reading this.


Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.


Pass this to as many women as you can to give them a bigger laugh
<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin1.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ROFL.gif" alt="" />



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Quote
Have you heard about the Divorced Barbie Doll?
It comes with all of Ken's things.

small problem here *grins over the pun* according to Mattell Ken had no "things" as it made him Xrated <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" />


Mea Culpa's Demesne Note; artwork for Avatar courtesy of NWN and CEP Old Elven Saying: "Never say Never if you're gonna live forever!!!" "I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault"
Joined: Apr 2003
Jurak Offline OP
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well i guess she lucked out on that one..... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />

Here's a joke... look at my dog over there, wearing dandelions like a jewelled headdress... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />
<<<---------------------------------------


[color:"#33cc3"]Jurak'sRunDownShack!
Third Member of Off-Topic Posters
Defender of the [color:"green"]PIF.
[/color] Das Grosse Grüne Ogre!!! [/color]
Joined: Nov 2003
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Nice dog Jurak .... but I think you give him too much "tonic"


Mea Culpa's Demesne Note; artwork for Avatar courtesy of NWN and CEP Old Elven Saying: "Never say Never if you're gonna live forever!!!" "I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault"
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Québec
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Location: Québec
But... it's not your dog, there's no paw in the mouth... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/winkwink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
Or he traded the paw for the dandelions? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />


LaFille, Toujours un peu sauvage.
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Lafille you are too much <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif" alt="" />


Mea Culpa's Demesne Note; artwork for Avatar courtesy of NWN and CEP Old Elven Saying: "Never say Never if you're gonna live forever!!!" "I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault"
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Little Johnny and his stern father are out at the park when suddenly a honeybee settle on a rock in front of them. Just for spite, little Johnny smashed it with a rock. At which point his father said, “That was cruel, and for being cruel you’ll get no honey for a whole year.” Later, Little Johnny deliberately stepped on a butterfly. “And for that, young man,” said the father, “you will not get any butter for a year.”
When they returned home, Johnny’s mother was busy fixing supper. Just as they entered the kitchen, she spied a cockroach and immediately crushed it underfoot. Little Johnny looked a his father and said, “Shall I tell her, Dad, or will you?”

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