In all seriousness, having a forum that doesn't produce Gateway Timeouts on the Ingress / Reverse Proxy shouldn't be THAT hard.
Was a forum administrator a long time ago (around 2000 or so), too, and back in the day we didn't even have multicore machines and K8S in the backend - and our forums (phpBB based) was fast.
Maybe scaling the replica sets or up or something would be a great idea after selling millions of copies.
