OK - for the sake of excercise, in consideration of Winterfox's comments (THANKS also!), I have done a 2nd (and for the sake of this excercise final) version. Other than refining vocabulary, I was trying to ignore the German original, and trying to "re-create" it thinking in English. I must say that some of W's suggestions in sentence formulation did not "feel" right to me. I am not as arrogant as to suggest that they are wrong, since it is your mother tongue not mine, what I am trying to say is that, to me, it didn't feel like expressing what I want to convey (Example: "The teeth came to a sudden stop at contact with his mithril chain" - Of course this is a grammatically and factually correct sentence, but in the context, it sounds... hm..., so distant, factually observant, detached, unemotional - I don't know if I convey my feelings adequately, fact is - I do not feel comfortable with it).
Also, since English is a "short" language, much shorter than German anyway, I felt compelled to add some adjectives, when thinking English. But nonetheless I saw the possibility of tightening some phrases.
***
Suddenly, out of the corner his left eye he sees a dark shadow leaping at him. Instinctively he ducks and rolls over his right shoulder. In one smooth movement he springs up, pivots and stands, sword drawn, with his back to a rock.
On his left a wolf turns to face him, the golden eyes appraising him. On his right two others cautiously approach him, growling fiercely, ready to attack.
"Wolves", he thinks, "and big ones! Bigger than those at home!" With a smooth movement he rids himself of his backpack and cloak. The two to his right leap simultaneously. One he evades with a reflexive side-step; the gorge of the other he slits with a swift sweep of his blade. Something hits him in the back and he falls flat on his face. Fangs bite in his shoulder, hitting his mithril chain armor. [color:"yellow"]He hears a sharp crack and a pained howl; feels the pressure on his shoulder lift.[/color] The first wolf jumps on him again; Glance quickly rolls round and plunges his sword into its soft belly. He frees himself from the heavily wounded beast atop him and pierces its heart with a targeted stab. The last wolf runs away howling, his tail between his legs.
With a deep breath Glance picks up his gear, puts it on and proceeds after the knights.
***
I am not saying this is even close to what it would have been, if I had written it in English originally, but after some consideration, I like it - though I would still be tempted to replace the yellow sentence simply by:
[color:"yellow"] A sharp crack, a pained howl; the pressure on his shoulder lifts. [/color]
Not complete sentences, I concede, but, to me, conveys speed, the impressions flashing through Glance lying on the ground, not knowing what hit him.
